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Messed up and slept with a colleague...

Discussion in 'Social Life, Food & Drink, Travel' started by Flambeur, Jan 17, 2010.

  1. Flambeur

    Flambeur Senior member

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    Crap. So I am stuck with this chick for at least a year on a project. I basically spend like 40+ hours a week with her.

    She is really hot, smart, interesting, and super sexual. But I'm a strong believer in "don't shit where you eat" philosophy. Long story short: work party, lots of alcohol, wake up naked in bed together.

    I really don't know how to handle it properly. I actually like her a lot but don't necessarily think it's a good idea to continue.
     
  2. CDFS

    CDFS Senior member

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    Say something to her like "I really don't know how to handle it properly. I actually like [..] [you] a lot but don't necessarily think it's a good idea to continue."
     
  3. Flambeur

    Flambeur Senior member

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    Say something to her like "I really don't know how to handle it properly. I actually like [..] [you] a lot but don't necessarily think it's a good idea to continue."

    Not bad but
    A. Don't wanna admit I like like her (no problems telling her she's hot and smart and interesting.
    B. The second part is sort of messy as well.. hmm
     
  4. oman

    oman Senior member

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    man just learn to compartmentalize the various aspects of your life

    when around her in public, act like a colleague, and DONT EXPECT ANY SPECIAL TREATMENT. if you do, youre playing it wrong.

    if she goes out of her way to be with you alone again, or makes some kind of move, then let the cards fall where they may (i.e. fuck her again). but each time youre back at work, just be cool.

    either she will end it herself, or she will be fine with this, which means youve found yourself a girl on the side. either way if you take no further steps, it will end eventually, which seems to be what you want. dont overthink things
     
  5. CDFS

    CDFS Senior member

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    I would hope that all women who've slept with me liked me at the time...

    She probably has the same reservations and/or will easely admit to having such when 'pressured' into them by your expressed reservations, one would think.
     
  6. Flambeur

    Flambeur Senior member

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    man just learn to compartmentalize the various aspects of your life

    when around her in public, act like a colleague, and DONT EXPECT ANY SPECIAL TREATMENT. if you do, youre playing it wrong.

    if she goes out of her way to be with you alone again, or makes some kind of move, then let the cards fall where they may (i.e. fuck her again). but each time youre back at work, just be cool.

    either she will end it herself, or she will be fine with this, which means youve found yourself a girl on the side. either way if you take no further steps, it will end eventually, which seems to be what you want. dont overthink things


    I think you may be right... There isn't really anything legal or work related that I am in danger of violating.. Maybe I should just let it go whichever way..

    But at the same time let's be honest here, I can choose at this point where I want it to go, it's more up to me than her.
     
  7. imhotep

    imhotep Senior member

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    But at the same time let's be honest here, I can choose at this point where I want it to go, it's more up to me than her.

    why is that?
     
  8. Reggs

    Reggs Senior member

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    Say something to her like "I really don't know how to handle it properly. I actually like [..] [you] a lot but don't necessarily think it's a good idea to continue."

    Seriously

    I bet she is thinking the same exact thing.
     
  9. Smartalox

    Smartalox Senior member

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    Here's a thought:

    Sit down with her and ask her what she thinks about the situation, instead of trying to tiptoe around whatever you (or the strangers on this board) think that she might be feeling.

    If you can both talk about it afterward, future tension will be minimized.
     
  10. DNW

    DNW Senior member

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    This threak is useless without pics. There, I've said it.
     
  11. RedLantern

    RedLantern Senior member

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    Not bad but
    A. Don't wanna admit I like like her (no problems telling her she's hot and smart and interesting.
    B. The second part is sort of messy as well.. hmm



    This seems to be very common, but I don't understand why. It is not unreasonable to like/be interested in someone. True, it can make one feel somewhat vulnerable, but it doesn't necessarily give the person power over you.
     
  12. NewYorkIslander

    NewYorkIslander Senior member

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    I did the same thing back when I was single...wound up marrying the girl and having 2 kids...she's still my wife, and we still work together...let it ride man, you never know, one day you may be kicking yourself for abiding by a rule. Matters of the heart (or dick) have no rules.
     
  13. why

    why Senior member

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    Show her this thread.
     
  14. Flambeur

    Flambeur Senior member

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    I did the same thing back when I was single...wound up marrying the girl and having 2 kids...she's still my wife, and we still work together...let it ride man, you never know, one day you may be kicking yourself for abiding by a rule. Matters of the heart (or dick) have no rules.

    I'm gonna quote you on that
     
  15. GQgeek

    GQgeek Senior member

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    I think you may be right... There isn't really anything legal or work related that I am in danger of violating.. Maybe I should just let it go whichever way.. But at the same time let's be honest here, I can choose at this point where I want it to go, it's more up to me than her.
    The biggest danger is that you continue it and for whatever reason it ends badly and your personal shit gets dragged into the office. Right now it sounds like you could end it and things would go on as normal. If you continue to see her and treat her as a booty call, watch out, even if she seems cool with it at first. And is she a colleague or are you her superior?
     
  16. Bill Smith

    Bill Smith Senior member

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    Crap. So I am stuck with this chick for at least a year on a project. I basically spend like 40+ hours a week with her.

    She is really hot, smart, interesting, and super sexual. But I'm a strong believer in "don't shit where you eat" philosophy. Long story short: work party, lots of alcohol, wake up naked in bed together.

    I really don't know how to handle it properly. I actually like her a lot but don't necessarily think it's a good idea to continue.


    Questions:

    1) Are you both single?
    2) Do you report to her?
    3) Does she report to you?

    If you answer no to one and yes to either two or three. I would stop in your tracks, have that conversation, you like her a lot but you want to keep things on a professional level.

    If you answered Yes to one and no to two AND three. I would have that critical think, is this co-worker potential relationship material? Reality is with longer working hours there is a greater chance you will meet your next girlfriend or wife on the job, like it or not.
     
  17. Flambeur

    Flambeur Senior member

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    The biggest danger is that you continue it and for whatever reason it ends badly and your personal shit gets dragged into the office. Right now it sounds like you could end it and things would go on as normal. If you continue to see her and treat her as a booty call, watch out, even if she seems cool with it at first. And is she a colleague or are you her superior?

    we are absolutely equal, if anything she's competition, and out of a couple dozen people like us, probably my main competition (not direct, but you know)
     
  18. Dakota rube

    Dakota rube Senior member

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    Let the thing run its course if you can both be mature about whatever results. If you anticipate a bunny in the pot on the stove kind of ending, I'd have second thoughts.
     
  19. Flambeur

    Flambeur Senior member

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    Let the thing run its course if you can both be mature about whatever results. If you anticipate a bunny in the pot on the stove kind of ending, I'd have second thoughts.

    Well, she definitely is a hot blooded passionate girl, but she seems smart and logical enough.. for a woman of course.

    We'll see.
     
  20. Unbreakable

    Unbreakable Senior member

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    we are absolutely equal, if anything she's competition, and out of a couple dozen people like us, probably my main competition (not direct, but you know)

    She'll sleep with the competition, just imagine if it were a higher up and a promotion could come from it. [​IMG]

    But on the other hand she could be thinking the same thing you're thinking right now, and is some where on her "styleforum" asking the same thing?
     

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