"Me time"

[Piobaire]



Yes, really.

You think I'm particularly perturbed by eating delicious baked goods and my wife asking about my day? You think it's getting in the way of my plans to take over the world? You might have caught some tongue in cheek action there.

Just trying to get the thread rolling, curious about other people... For instance wondering what at home hobbies other people might have.

I caught the tongue in cheek in that post but it was pointed at a particular person. Here's from your OP:

Having more time by myself is what I miss more than anything else vs. pre-wife moving in. Everything else that I miss I don't particularly care about.

Seriously, you're telling me this is not about avoiding time with your wife? You were being exceedingly up front about who it is you want to be away from until I called you on it. A man-cave is not about avoiding your work mates; it is about avoiding your wife too.

Listen, if that's what you need, more power to you. Just don't say it's not about being away from your wife when you said in your OP and other posts it's specifically about being away from your wife.

 

[GreenFrog]

Piob, I think you're unnecessarily hanging onto that point. The way I see it, he simply wants to have time alone, period. It just happens to be that at the end of the day when he comes home, it's no longer his time to escape and relax because he now lives with his wife.

So yes, technically in this case he's trying to 'avoid his wife' if you want to put it that way, but it could be his mother, his sister / brother, anyone.

 

[Piobaire]



Piob, I think you're unnecessarily hanging onto that point. The way I see it, he simply wants to have time alone, period. It just happens to be that at the end of the day when he comes home, it's no longer his time to escape and relax because he now lives with his wife.

So yes, technically in this case he's trying to 'avoid his wife' if you want to put it that way, but it could be his mother, his sister / brother, anyone.

He put it that way not me.

 

[archetypal_yuppie]

To the extent that at work I am powerless to change my surroundings (people, and what I spend my time on for that matter), any additional me time would pretty much necessarily be subtracted from time that I otherwise spend with my wife (mostly) or other people (far less frequent). So yes, that is the trade, for the most part.

But that does not change the fact that what I'm seeking is not to reduce time with my wife, but to increase "me time." So since A + B = C and C is fixed, yes A has to go down to increase B, but the point I'm making is that I would like to increase B.

 

[SkinnyGoomba]

I think it's important to have some time to where you are left to your own devices.

 

[HRoi]

And away from your wife

 

[archetypal_yuppie]

I think I would play more Halo and build models or "do art" like GWB. If I had tons of time to myself I would write a novel or essays. Need to find $500K 20hr/wk job.

 

[gomestar]

we could become facebook friends and you can join the heard of other people in my news feed that think they're good writers.



Manton isn't on Facebook, but I'd love for him to join and offer critiques.

 

[HRoi]

Only if you share FarmVille awards

 

[Svenn]



Sounds like you're a classic introvert- meaning you get recharged by being alone rather than via activity. It's important that you find that time.

This is a good way of putting it. I think a lot of 'introverts' (not sure if I've ever really bought into that dichotomy, but it's useful here) get pressured, unconsciously or otherwise, into living the lifestyle of extroverts or whatever other verts there might be out there. The idea that one ought to wake up in her face, make small talk all day, then go to bed together every day, otherwise 'you're too distant and not meant for each other' is ludicrous. It's the same with parenting- a lot of people will look with suspicion on any parent who doesn't cultivate that frantic, loud, chirppy upbeat soccer mom atmosphere around their kids. I for one think everyone should have a do-not-disturb study that they spend a good chunk of the day in.

 

[horndog]

Agree with the rest of the "typical introvert" comments, being one myself. Definitely build in some me-time and tell your SO about it. If she understands you, likes you, and appreciates you being in a good mood when you're around her, then she'll comply. I just surf the web or read or play video games or occasionally write during mine. I do like going to restaurants by myself with a book or something, or a coffee-shop, where you're still getting alone time but surrounded by the faceless horde.

 

[JayJay]

I'm introverted but spend my work days in constant conversation; thus, time alone is very important to me. It's essential. Daily walks with the dog and yoga help me maintain my sanity and reenergize. When I travel I escape by walking and practicing yoga in my hotel room.

 

[TC (Houston)]

This is an interesting thread.

When we were first married with a baby on the way we did some intensive therapy to learn how to maintain a healthy marraige and family life (we both came from sub-optimal family situations and were hoping not to repeat history). I was actually a little surprised that the therapists (both male and female) felt very strongly that the husband should be entitlted to several hours each week for time alone or with his buddies which would be protected and respected by the rest of the family. For the first couple of years I made a point of doing this, but I rarely do it now as usually I would rather hang out with my wife than anyone else and I have plenty of alone time built in to my work days and the time in the kitchen at home.

 

[texas_jack]

OP, do you do everything together? Sometimes my gf goes to Target and she'll be gone for hours. Or she goes to have dinner with a friend.