Marrying Woman with Many Siblings

[Pantisocrat]

I really can't stand my GF's family. She has 7 siblings and it feels like our relationship revolves around her big family. The only time we have time together is the weekend, and even then there's the big brother coming over to borrow my tools, the the broke ass little brother coming over to "pass" the weekend, and not to mention the numerous driving duties and financial obligations I have hitherto committed to make her happy by yielding to her siblings' wishes. I am just so damn depressed about it all. How big of a factor does in-laws play in your relationship? Is it worth it in the long-run? I think at this point if a woman tells me she's an only child or has no more than 1 sibling I could definitely see something serious down the road. My current GF is a sweetheart but damn she has way too many brothers.

 

[Dashaansafin]

I dont know why you have to give into your in law's demands..?

 

[GQgeek]

I think this is a major thing to consider before you get married. I am very conscious of it because my best friend is an indian woman, and she's always got family **** going on. It would drive me absolutely insane. And this isn't even immediate family, but weddings of 2nd cousins and all sorts of other crap. But really, if she's close to her family and wants to see them all the time, are you really gonna tell her no?

Now, if it's just random brothers coming over to mooch all the time, i'd say you could draw a line. She's still only your GF though so get it sorted before it gets too serious.

 

[globetrotter]

this isn't going to change.

 

[Pantisocrat]

Not if they're shameless about their behaviors. I've told them repeatedly to phone ahead of time, but they'd just show up in the middle of the day.

Originally Posted by Dashaansafin

I dont know why you have to give into your in law's demands..?

 

[imschatz]

Look for a job that's a solid hour or two from the in-laws?

Short enough that regular (but planned) visits can be made, but far enough that they don't become an interruption.

 

[globetrotter]

Originally Posted by imschatz

Look for a job that's a solid hour or two from the in-laws?

Short enough that regular (but planned) visits can be made, but far enough that they don't become an interruption.

I live 6 hours from my mother in law, and she makes my life hell

 

[imschatz]

Originally Posted by globetrotter

I live 6 hours from my mother in law, and she makes my life hell
Would it be better or worse if you lived 20 minutes from her?

 

[globetrotter]

Originally Posted by imschatz

Would it be better or worse if you lived 20 minutes from her?

worse, I used to live 20 minutes from her.

 

[badsha]

Originally Posted by globetrotter

this isn't going to change.
My wife has 6 siblings, but they dont pull that **** with me, because they are not like that, thank god. She's also the youngest. I have to attend a lot of events, esp. weddings. But her family is pretty cool, so I dont mind. It will only get worse over time. You're gonna have to put your foot down. It also depends on how your gf is, do you tell her how it makes you feel?

 

[acidboy]

nothing much you could really do about it unless she agrees to cut them off emotionally, that family guilt thing of having to accommodate family members was ingrained all her life.

 

[texas_jack]

Not going to change

 

[Barnabus]

Tell her about it. If she does not understand leave her. You're dating her not her family so if shes doesn't understand her family is being pain ********** moochers then step out of the way so some other guy has can put up with it.

 

[imschatz]

Originally Posted by globetrotter

worse, I used to live 20 minutes from her.
Maybe you didn't move far enough away

 

[scientific]

are you really located in south africa? if so this makes more sense. it's really rare to have that tight a family in the US.

i am not at that phase in a relationship yet, but growing up my family had deadbeats and moochers on both sides and it definitely did not help my parents stay together. (they didn't.)

if you don't put your foot down, they will continue to take advantage of you. however, if you do, think of what you're asking your fiancee to give up. like i said, a close family is rare these days.

you can't get advice from people in the US on this