Loosening vs. removing your tie in smart casual situations

[sharpsuit]

Greetings,

I was out for Sunday lunch with my parents-in-law the other week and while the location didn't have a particular dress code I had chosen to dress semi-formally with a jacket and collared shirt with a tie worn under a wool sweater. My father-in-law was also in a closed collar but most of the other diners were fairly casual in open-necked shirts and jeans.

The restaurant however was very warm and the food and wine extremely copious, and three-quarters of the way through the meal I started to feel hot and bloated and began to regret being in a snugly fitting collar and tie. I had already taken off my jacket, and to feel more comfortable I also unbuttoned the top button of my shirt and loosened the tie to get a bit of air.

After I did this, my mother-in-law suddenly commented if I was OK, and looked a little surprised. I said I was fine, just a little warm, and she said well you can take it off it you like!

It just got me thinking, what is the correct course of action in this circumstance:

- Do as I did, just casually unbutton the collar and loosen the tie a little without trying to draw attention to it,
- Remove the tie completely and put it away in your pocket, again without mentioning anything,
- Either of the above, but mentioning you are a little warm first and ask if it is OK to remove/loosen your tie,
- Leave it as it is and do not draw attention to the fact you're uncomfortable - if you've chosen to wear a tie in the first place, you should wear it properly despite what others are doing.

And before people comment, my shirt collar is usually exactly the right size, and usually I never feel the need to unbutton. It's just after a particularly big lunch and having drunk a bit in a hot restaurant I think my neck might have expanded slightly.

Interested to hear the consensus!

 

[David Reeves]

Your mother in law is probing for weakness.

Never let them see you bleed.

 

[culverwood]

Remove the tie completely and put it away in your pocket, again without mentioning anything .... unless asked

 

[johng70]

Agreed - remove the tie completely, unbutton top button and put tie away.

 

[Testudo_Aubreii]

The correct course is to do as you damned well please.

 

[GBR]



Agreed - remove the tie completely, unbutton top button and put tie away.

Absolutely correct, don't even wear a tie in the first place and as for the pullover, that is nonsense, unless you are going to sit in the chiller room, leave that at home as well. Mothers in law should realise that they do not control their families.

 

[huffman]

The correct course is to do as you damned well please.

Your comment had me chuckling. The OP doing 'damned well' as he pleases I'm sure would have demanded a long line of criticism and heated suggestions from you, Testudo

going from the color and pattern of tie he should be wearing in the future to avoid similar occurrence and all sort of....you know

your comments just make me laugh sometimes. Cheers.

 

[huffman]

Well, do as you damned well please...echoing Testudo

 

[sharpsuit]

Haha thanks for all your replies.

Of course ultimately it's up to me, my question was more what would be the most correct in terms of etiquette. For some reason I felt that just ripping your tie off halfway through a meal - even if you could easily have gone in an open-necked shirt from the start - seems a little uncouth, and is in some way admitting that you felt awkward wearing it in the first place, which was not the case here, I was just feeling a little too warm to be in a fastened collar and tie after a big meal.

 

[culverwood]

A tie with an unbuttoned collar is never the right thing. But's that just my opinion.

 

[usctrojans31]

The response to her question--as is the response to all great questions--is obviously "**** you."