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Long Distance Relationships

Discussion in 'Social Life, Food & Drink, Travel' started by Oddly Familiar, Apr 16, 2006.

  1. Oddly Familiar

    Oddly Familiar Senior member

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    In your past experiences have long distance relationships worked out, or have they blown up in your face?

    The current girl I'm after lives about 30 minutes away from me(not exactly LONG distance). I like her a lot, and really think I could make it work. Atleast for a couple months anyways. The only doubt in my mind is that we already fight. A lot, and we aren't even together yet. I see her everytime I get the chance, and I know that if I was to date her that I would see her so much more than I have been. The girl is nearly perfect in my eyes, and when we talk, I can spill my guts to her and trust her with everything I've said. She knows my secrets, and I know her. I just want to make something more out of this relationship, and the only thing that is keeping me from it is the milage. Share some stories, and help me figure this out.
     
  2. hopkins_student

    hopkins_student Senior member

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    I don't think thirty minutes is long distance - depending on where you live that could be only five or ten miles away. I also don't really think you can consider a relationship long distance unless travel to see that person requires you to sacrifice your productivity for most of that day. Anyway, my girlfriend of three years and I have lived four hundred miles apart and now live at least two thousand miles apart. It's a pain in the ass, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

    If I were in your position I would be a lot less concerned about the distance between the two of you, and more about the constant fighting. If it is fighting for entertainment, such as bickering, that's ok, but if you're yelling and screaming at each other and she usually leaves crying, well maybe I'd avoid starting that relationship.
     
  3. tiger02

    tiger02 Senior member

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    Agree with HS, on both points. When Sara and I "met," I was in Iraq and she was in New York. Then I moved to Germany. Then she moved to China. Then I moved to Kuwait. Now she moved to India. 30 minutes is *not* long distance.
     
  4. nairb49

    nairb49 Senior member

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    ^^wow.

    I agree with both above statements. Although, IMO, those particular distances are SO far that there is in a way no real expected visits to occur regularily.

    My ex-girlfriend and I lived 4 hours apart by car, which was close enough so that weekend visits COULD happen, but weren't always possible, making it a constant tease, which I think makes it more difficult.

    Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I'm assuming that when you think 30min is a long-term that you may be in high-school and so spend your days in class and at night on weekdays is not really convenient to see her what with homework etc etc.

    If you guys are fighting alot, its really not worth the stress unless you're really into her and see things working out well in the future. Try to take a step back and evaluate whether its in your best interest to be involved in something like this at this point in your life.
     
  5. Oddly Familiar

    Oddly Familiar Senior member

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    It's not like yelling and screaming fights, it's just like petty arguments. Over stupid little things, and it bothers me. I talked to her last night a little bit after I posted this, and got so fed up with the bitching that I just hung up.
     
  6. Aaron

    Aaron Senior member

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    You're in high school right Oddly? If so, it effects my reply...
     
  7. Oddly Familiar

    Oddly Familiar Senior member

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    Yes, I'm a sophmore. I drive so it won't be hard getting out there if I decide to make anything of this.
     
  8. shellshock

    shellshock Senior member

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    i dated someone a couple thousand miles away... we got to see eachother about once every two months or so til i moved up. it takes alot alot of effort if its going to even be possible to maintain a relationship, and it sorta consumes you, like you have to always talk on the phone or online or whatever because if you dont talk its like whats the point cause thats all you can do at the moment. MEH. i dont like long distance relationships. the reunions are incredibly happy but then theres always saying goodbye. its tough.
     
  9. Arethusa

    Arethusa Senior member

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    If I were in your position I would be a lot less concerned about the distance between the two of you, and more about the constant fighting. If it is fighting for entertainment, such as bickering, that's ok, but if you're yelling and screaming at each other and she usually leaves crying, well maybe I'd avoid starting that relationship.
    It's not like yelling and screaming fights, it's just like petty arguments. Over stupid little things, and it bothers me. I talked to her last night a little bit after I posted this, and got so fed up with the bitching that I just hung up.
    I agree with hs, and judging by what you just said, that really qualifies. This does not happen in a healthy relationship.
     
  10. GreyFlannelMan

    GreyFlannelMan Senior member

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    LD relationships are very tough. For more than three years I maintained my girlfriend lived in Bangkok while I lived in NYC. I'd get over there every three or four months (fortunately I then had a client over there), and occassionally she made in to the states. Keep in mind that means a 12 hour time difference and 23 hours of travel (of course, now one can fly non-stop from NYC to BKK in about 16 hours).

    It was good at first -- the reunions were always passionate and fun. But as time went on and work got more and more busy, the trips became less frequent and the tensions started to grow. The last time we saw each other was in 03 and I visited her in Bangkok. Issues came to a head; we argued and then realized that it wasn't going to work: she, like most Thais, loves living in Thailand. She was very successful, came from a well-to-do Chinese/Thai family and wasn't about to move to the US. While I would have loved to move to Thailand, I wasn't willing to give up my job, at which I had worked so hard. So that was it. It was difficult for both parties. I have since vowed that the longest LD relationship I'm willing to be involved in is no more than a 6-7 hour flight away.

    Sorry -- more info I guess than was necessary, but this is an issue about which I have strong feelings....30 mins is NOT a long distance relationship. If you think that it is, then IMO the relationship isn't really working.
     
  11. nairb49

    nairb49 Senior member

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    greyflannel brings up an excellent point. In the end its all up to you.
    Especially considering that you can drive, 30minutes is essentially nothing.

    Compared to most highschool relationships where both parties attend the same school, I can see how you would consider it to be "long distance".

    But it all depends on whether you think this kind of quarreling is worth the happy times you spend together. Are the bad times overpowering the good?
     
  12. Oddly Familiar

    Oddly Familiar Senior member

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    The girl is great, and I absolutely adore her. Even after the stupid arguments, I still am really considering dating her. Like you guys said, 30 minutes isn't far and I am willing to drive it. She and I have a bet that I won't come up there next weekend like I said I would. She said she would pay me 10 dollars if I actually showed up, but if I don't, I have to pay her. I'll be 10 dollars richer in a week. I thought about it and decided that I should atleast try it. What's the worst that could happen? We would break up? Like that won't happen anyways.
     
  13. j

    j Senior member Admin

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    What's the worst that could happen? We would break up? Like that won't happen anyways.

    [​IMG] This is the opposite side of my recent fatalist attitude toward dating.
     
  14. Arethusa

    Arethusa Senior member

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    That sort of clarity is unusual for kids his age. Hell, unusual for kids my age.
     
  15. Oddly Familiar

    Oddly Familiar Senior member

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    It's a sign that I have been single too long.
     
  16. Huntsman

    Huntsman Senior member

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  17. chorse123

    chorse123 Senior member

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    Dude, that's not long distance dating. That's dating. 30 minutes? Come on. You can see each other every weekend.

    My wife and I dated long distance for five years. Not fun, but better than breaking up with someone special, and it was worth it in the end.
     
  18. GQgeek

    GQgeek Senior member

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    Heh, I agree with Oddly familiar in that 30minutes does constitute a long-distance relationship. For me, anyone that's not downtown is LD and I'm loathe to get involved with!
     
  19. imageWIS

    imageWIS Senior member

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    And all the while I like this chick in Bs As (which my current girlfriend does not know about)...god, that's never going to work out. [​IMG]

    Jon.
     
  20. operationexpat

    operationexpat Well-Known Member

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    As far as I can tell, long distance relationships only work if you've got something really good to look forward to.

    I could tell you that bickering this early on probably isn't a good sign, but you wouldn't listen anyway. So I'm going to play counterpoint to these guys and tell you that sometimes the couples that fight the most are the most passionate . . . or is that just in the movies?

    Either way, I like your attitude. Have fun. Coming from someone who crossed the Atlantic on an almost monthly stretch for a year, 30 mins is cake. [​IMG]

    Sara
     

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