life advice plz: bachelor party dilemma

[cheessus]

got a little bit of a dilemma and would like some advice on how to proceed:

my friends bachelor party is next week in vegas. he planned everything with little input and paid for (most) everything ahead of time. we are expected to, rightly so i believe, to reimburse him when we get there. price for only 2 dinners + 2 day cabana rental is ~$2000+ pp (outside of airfare/rooms), and this is excluding anything else we might want to do. he gave us the final expenses earlier this week.

the problem is, i dont make/have a lot of money (he makes, according to his brother, 7 figures a year). it was hard as **** for me to save the ~1200 that i am bringing for the trip. also i am staying in his room, so i dont have to pay for it. he sort of knows my financial situation, and we are really close friends (im in the wedding party if that matters).

in the past he has fronted me some money for trips to cover hotels/bars that i am still paying him back. he never brings up what i owe him, but i pretty much send him whatever i can, when i can. i really cant afford to be paying him back any more money than i already am. i understand this is his bachelor party, but im not interested in chillin in the cabanas or the dinners (ok slightly the dinners).

how do i approach this situation? thanks.

 

[Claghorn]

If he's a good friend, as he appears to be, approach him honestly. He'll know you aren't a moocher. And if he makes 7 figures a year, he should be willing to float you.

In short, honesty.

 

[acidboy]

+1. he's a good friend. be honest. he should understand your predicament.

 

[why]

Does he work as a trip planner by any chance?

 

[cheessus]

no, he is in finance.

i told him about it. his offer to me is 1k for everything, and i wont owe him anything. that leaves me w/ 200 for 3 days of spending money. the first cabana does not include food/drinks.

im thinking of saying no because there are things i want to do there such as play poker, gamble, see some stuff...am i being selfish and unreasonable?

i might counter with 500 upfront, whatever i have left ill give him when i leave, and he can add whatever to my tab...if im there for it (i told him i wont do brunches, the first cabana, spa ****).

 

[why]

Well, he sounds like a big douchebag.

 

[imatlas]

You shouldn't go. He's planned an extravagant weekend that is well beyond your means, and you are already deeply in debt to him. If I were in your shoes I wouldn't want to dig my hole any deeper - even though he made a generous offer to wipe away your debts, the reality is that afterwards you'll be more beholden to him than you already are.

 

[Claghorn]

Pass, explain your situation, and take him out to a really nice dinner.

 

[Joffrey]

Yeah friend was a douche for planning an extravagant trip that he knows you can't afford. So pass. If he wants to be generous and agrees to cover part of it (that you're comfortable with) so he can celebrate with his friend, fine, but don't agree to pay him back for anything. He's not a bank.

From the 2nd half of your OP it also seems that your friend has a habit of planning trips you can't afford since you owe him money for hotels and bars. Why do you keep agreeing? Do you enjoy oweing people money? You need to speak up and be firm about what you can or cant do. Him offering to loan you money so you can come along is obnoxious.

Also, you mention "he gave us the final expenses". Who's us? What do the others think about it?

 

[HRoi]

this is a tough one. i firmly believe that the bachelor shouldn't pay a penny for his stag party. but this is the first i've ever heard of the bachelor himself arranging for the whole thing without any input. why did you guys let him do that?

i mean, he should have input of course, but it's you guys who are throwing him a party.

 

[suited]

If he's your friend, he should understand that it's hard for people to keep up with the lifestyle of someone who makes 7 figures, especially in a bachelor party setting when spending is frivolous. He's under no obligation to do so, but if he wanted you there and understood your situation, he should have offered to cover your trip. That's what I would have done. When I was in college I had a buddy that didn't have a lot of money and he had never experienced spring break, so a mutual friend and I surprised him by taking him to Nassau on spring break, he just had to come up with a little bit of spending money - and we were by no means making 7 figures a year. On a side note, our buddy showed up at the airport with a copy of his BC that he ran through a regular printer. I started laughing when he pulled it out thinking that it was a joke. They wouldn't let him on the plane, so he had to come back the next morning with the certified copy. I've never seen someone so desperate to get on a plane in my life, at one point he was showing the guy his student ID

 

[JayJay]



You shouldn't go. He's planned an extravagant weekend that is well beyond your means, and you are already deeply in debt to him. If I were in your shoes I wouldn't want to dig my hole any deeper - even though he made a generous offer to wipe away your debts, the reality is that afterwards you'll be more beholden to him than you already are.

Pass, explain your situation, and take him out to a really nice dinner.

These posts are right on target, IMO. Politely excuse yourself from the trip. Although he has already paid for your attendance, explain that it's beyond your means and that you don't won't to be even more indebted to him.

By the way, if it's true that he planned the high dollar event without your input, then don't consider him a friend because he isn't.

 

[fathergll]



no, he is in finance.

i told him about it. his offer to me is 1k for everything, and i wont owe him anything. that leaves me w/ 200 for 3 days of spending money. the first cabana does not include food/drinks.

im thinking of saying no because there are things i want to do there such as play poker, gamble, see some stuff...am i being selfish and unreasonable?

i might counter with 500 upfront, whatever i have left ill give him when i leave, and he can add whatever to my tab...if im there for it (i told him i wont do brunches, the first cabana, spa ****).

This is easy. Don't go. Seriously you can't afford it....don't even counter offer. Just tell him you can't afford 1 grand either.

 

[Matt]

Late to the party here I know, but as the (semi retired) godfather of all things boys' trip, my two cents...

1. I ALWAYS set the price to make sure that the humblest-means-dude among the crew does not feel left out. It that means some of the rest of us sleep in a crappier hotel than we would have otherwise booked, so be it. The boys are more important than the hotel.
2. Don't go. You can't afford it, and being further in debt to this dude is hardly a good thing. You will feel ass poor the whole weekend even if you are there. This is his fault, not yours. Plus, you've still got a wedding to get through....what's that going to cost you? Destination weddings are the real killer man...I have to go to another one next weekend....
3. The fact that he had to organise his own bachelor party speaks volumes about the dude. The fact that he priced it above his friends' means tells you the rest....

 

[SkinnyGoomba]

Who sets up their own bachelor party?? He's an idiot for doing that and twice an idiot to setup the party without regard to budgets outside of his own and also imposing the cost on everyone.

People set it up for you, with input from your lifestyle but with regard to their own budgets. It's a great honor, but he should also understand that it is a big expense.