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Warning: Long post, but an important issue in my life
So my mother and I had a talk the other day. She is seriously contemplating a divorce with my dad, who is now 50. To make a long story short, I'm curious if my father's attitude and actions are a result of a severe prolong mid life crisis, a possible medical condition, or its just the way he is. None of the following examples are exaggerated.
My dad was never the most involved guy, but he once went to work to pay the bills and occasionally take us to the park/beach for a few hours (at his convenience though). He did just the bare minimum a father should do, and not because he is lazy, but because he's just generally selfish. He's always been self centered and would not be able to last as a single dad if he were put in that situation. Over the past 8 years, his attitude has become a severe case of "don't know, don't care" selfish type of motto. He hasn't had any severe events happen to him (ie near death experiences, someone really screwing him over, huge loss of someone or something, or any other life changing epiphany moments)
It started when I was 13 and this was when he just started not listening to other people. I like to listen to rap (one of few non SF thing about me btw). I just got my new stereo set up in my office and have some 2pac on. He comes in to get something and hears the rap. He starts impersonating it shouting "hi yahyah hi yahyah yoyoyo" with the intention to be like a comedian teasing some one. I tell him I get it, my music doesn't take the most talent to make and most people perceive it as crap. He leaves and comes back later going "hi yaya hi yaya yoyoyo" just to tease me trying to be funny. He keeps doing this every time I listen to music, which is all the time: when I'm doing hw, on comp, cooking etc. I get fed up a couple days later and tell him how annoying this is and it's no longer funny. To this day, 8 freaking years later, almost every day I hear him go "hi yahyah hi yahyah yoyoyo" as if he is literally mentally marsupialed. My mother, sister and I tell him all the time to stop this. This is just one example among many of him not listening or caring about what anyone else in the family has to say, and also emphasizes some sort of mental problem.
Over the last five years, he has stopped going to work. In 2008, I would estimate he worked 3 months of the entire year. So far in 2009, he has gone to work for only 2 weeks. Since his work requires him to install TV cable, internet, and phones, he is doing some physical work and would occasionally have to lift a ladder. It is no where near as physical as construction, auto mechanic, or even stocking shelves.
In 2003, he got rear ended and was off work for a couple months. During that time he got a disability check, which he is now addicted to. He has figured out how to abuse a Dr's note and is constantly faking injuries to get off work. He claims he cannot do anything physical as a result of a couple car accidents. That is the excuse he uses to avoid work. He was brushing his teeth and claims it tweaked his injury. He sneezed and used that as an excuse because it twisted his back. And every other excuse you can think of, it's been used. Oh, by the way, today he was ok cleaning up and painting one of our rental suites, he has no problems lifting and packing 50lb stereo amps for my ebay business, he was shoveling a foot of snow a couple months ago, he has no problems splitting wood with a heavy axe and moving hundreds of logs from one end of the yard to the other end (about 70ft distance, and btw we do not need 500 logs to burn- he has a hoarding-used-garbage-problem as well), he still works out with heavy weights 3-4 times a week, and he can do practically anything else physical.
He read an article a few days ago about frozen shoulder (you are unable to use your shoulder muscles). The article states it starts in your early 50s. It takes an average of 2 years to "unthaw" and gain full use of shoulder muscles. Since he has a friend that had this once and lasted him 2.5 years, my dad decided he has it now. The perfect excuse to not work for two more years!! His job easily pays $100k a year and some make $130k doing relatively easy, simple tasks. And its not in extreme conditions like on an oil rig. We have gone from about $90k a year to about $25k when there is no reason for this, other than him not giving a damn if food is on the table for him (at age 50, he gets his mother to cook him a weeks worth of food that he microwaves everyday).
Since we own 6 rental homes, the rent alone can bring in $150k a year after they are paid off in about 2-3 years. No one in the family would have a problem with him flaking off in 3 years when the homes are paid for. He thinks he is some super wealth guy, but the truth is all the cash flow goes to the mortgage and general expenses for the homes. Until the homes are paid for, there is no extra cash flow. He doesn't understand because he doesn't handle the banking. As he refuses to go to work, we have gone into more and more debt and the homes are going to take longer to pay off.
Last year, he purchased a Honda S2000. It was purchased with MY money. He owed me quite a bit of cash from my business, but instead he borrowed it without my permission to finance his car. This doesn't really bother me financially as I have quite a bit saved up, but what pisses me off is he does not let me drive it so he did not insure it for me. This was the last straw and I no longer think of my self as having a father.
I try to talk to him about the recession, how important money is now b/c of layofs and how we're going into more debt to pay bills, but he literally says "I don't know, I don't care". If you talk to him about anything that requires even minimal thinking, he turns his brain off and says "I don't know, I don't care".
My best theory is there is some sort of neurological condition with him. I'm thinking a growing tumor against a specific area causing personality change, or decreasing circulation to a certain spot of his brain. There was an episode of House where a guy was too nice because of this and yesterday's episode had a guy turn into a jerk because of some internal brain damage.
Have you SFers had a father who went though a severe mental shift of if you are a father yourself, have you gone though a severe attitude change? I understand some men go though a mid life crisis, but for fuk's sake it shouldn't last 8+ years and involve you not giving a damn about anything or anyone, especially your family. Most men just buy a toupee, rent a car to go to the race track, or buy a boat. We have not been a crappy, ungrateful family, or abuse him or anything to cause this change. Is this just some sort of severe male menopause **** or do you think it is some sort of medical condition? Is behavior like this even acceptable?
So my mother and I had a talk the other day. She is seriously contemplating a divorce with my dad, who is now 50. To make a long story short, I'm curious if my father's attitude and actions are a result of a severe prolong mid life crisis, a possible medical condition, or its just the way he is. None of the following examples are exaggerated.
My dad was never the most involved guy, but he once went to work to pay the bills and occasionally take us to the park/beach for a few hours (at his convenience though). He did just the bare minimum a father should do, and not because he is lazy, but because he's just generally selfish. He's always been self centered and would not be able to last as a single dad if he were put in that situation. Over the past 8 years, his attitude has become a severe case of "don't know, don't care" selfish type of motto. He hasn't had any severe events happen to him (ie near death experiences, someone really screwing him over, huge loss of someone or something, or any other life changing epiphany moments)
It started when I was 13 and this was when he just started not listening to other people. I like to listen to rap (one of few non SF thing about me btw). I just got my new stereo set up in my office and have some 2pac on. He comes in to get something and hears the rap. He starts impersonating it shouting "hi yahyah hi yahyah yoyoyo" with the intention to be like a comedian teasing some one. I tell him I get it, my music doesn't take the most talent to make and most people perceive it as crap. He leaves and comes back later going "hi yaya hi yaya yoyoyo" just to tease me trying to be funny. He keeps doing this every time I listen to music, which is all the time: when I'm doing hw, on comp, cooking etc. I get fed up a couple days later and tell him how annoying this is and it's no longer funny. To this day, 8 freaking years later, almost every day I hear him go "hi yahyah hi yahyah yoyoyo" as if he is literally mentally marsupialed. My mother, sister and I tell him all the time to stop this. This is just one example among many of him not listening or caring about what anyone else in the family has to say, and also emphasizes some sort of mental problem.
Over the last five years, he has stopped going to work. In 2008, I would estimate he worked 3 months of the entire year. So far in 2009, he has gone to work for only 2 weeks. Since his work requires him to install TV cable, internet, and phones, he is doing some physical work and would occasionally have to lift a ladder. It is no where near as physical as construction, auto mechanic, or even stocking shelves.
In 2003, he got rear ended and was off work for a couple months. During that time he got a disability check, which he is now addicted to. He has figured out how to abuse a Dr's note and is constantly faking injuries to get off work. He claims he cannot do anything physical as a result of a couple car accidents. That is the excuse he uses to avoid work. He was brushing his teeth and claims it tweaked his injury. He sneezed and used that as an excuse because it twisted his back. And every other excuse you can think of, it's been used. Oh, by the way, today he was ok cleaning up and painting one of our rental suites, he has no problems lifting and packing 50lb stereo amps for my ebay business, he was shoveling a foot of snow a couple months ago, he has no problems splitting wood with a heavy axe and moving hundreds of logs from one end of the yard to the other end (about 70ft distance, and btw we do not need 500 logs to burn- he has a hoarding-used-garbage-problem as well), he still works out with heavy weights 3-4 times a week, and he can do practically anything else physical.
He read an article a few days ago about frozen shoulder (you are unable to use your shoulder muscles). The article states it starts in your early 50s. It takes an average of 2 years to "unthaw" and gain full use of shoulder muscles. Since he has a friend that had this once and lasted him 2.5 years, my dad decided he has it now. The perfect excuse to not work for two more years!! His job easily pays $100k a year and some make $130k doing relatively easy, simple tasks. And its not in extreme conditions like on an oil rig. We have gone from about $90k a year to about $25k when there is no reason for this, other than him not giving a damn if food is on the table for him (at age 50, he gets his mother to cook him a weeks worth of food that he microwaves everyday).
Since we own 6 rental homes, the rent alone can bring in $150k a year after they are paid off in about 2-3 years. No one in the family would have a problem with him flaking off in 3 years when the homes are paid for. He thinks he is some super wealth guy, but the truth is all the cash flow goes to the mortgage and general expenses for the homes. Until the homes are paid for, there is no extra cash flow. He doesn't understand because he doesn't handle the banking. As he refuses to go to work, we have gone into more and more debt and the homes are going to take longer to pay off.
Last year, he purchased a Honda S2000. It was purchased with MY money. He owed me quite a bit of cash from my business, but instead he borrowed it without my permission to finance his car. This doesn't really bother me financially as I have quite a bit saved up, but what pisses me off is he does not let me drive it so he did not insure it for me. This was the last straw and I no longer think of my self as having a father.
I try to talk to him about the recession, how important money is now b/c of layofs and how we're going into more debt to pay bills, but he literally says "I don't know, I don't care". If you talk to him about anything that requires even minimal thinking, he turns his brain off and says "I don't know, I don't care".
My best theory is there is some sort of neurological condition with him. I'm thinking a growing tumor against a specific area causing personality change, or decreasing circulation to a certain spot of his brain. There was an episode of House where a guy was too nice because of this and yesterday's episode had a guy turn into a jerk because of some internal brain damage.
Have you SFers had a father who went though a severe mental shift of if you are a father yourself, have you gone though a severe attitude change? I understand some men go though a mid life crisis, but for fuk's sake it shouldn't last 8+ years and involve you not giving a damn about anything or anyone, especially your family. Most men just buy a toupee, rent a car to go to the race track, or buy a boat. We have not been a crappy, ungrateful family, or abuse him or anything to cause this change. Is this just some sort of severe male menopause **** or do you think it is some sort of medical condition? Is behavior like this even acceptable?
