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Is marriage outdated, unnecessary unless live your religion?

Discussion in 'Social Life, Food & Drink, Travel' started by Soph, Aug 4, 2006.

  1. Soph

    Soph Well-Known Member

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  2. wilson brother

    wilson brother Well-Known Member

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    Next you'll ask if love is outdated [​IMG]

    lets get real man- don't you want a girl to be your hearts companion?



    -Danny Wilson
     
  3. odoreater

    odoreater Well-Known Member

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    I may be reading too much into all of your recent threads. But I've noticed a bit of a trend, which leads me to this question. Did you just recently get dumped?
     
  4. Soph

    Soph Well-Known Member

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    Next you'll ask if love is outdated [​IMG]

    lets get real man- don't you want a girl to be your hearts companion?



    -Danny Wilson


    --I've had many girls be my companion, but I'm curious if humans were designed to spend lifetimes with only one mate? It's doesn't seem like a natural state depsite a clear famaliarality, support and lasting passion?.
     
  5. Reggs

    Reggs Well-Known Member

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    Have you ever been in love?
     
  6. wilson brother

    wilson brother Well-Known Member

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    Have you ever been in love?


    thats a good question for this guy..
     
  7. Soph

    Soph Well-Known Member

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    thats a good question for this guy..


    --- 3 times. But love is not a permanent state of mind. And the divorce rate is against you, as is the unhappy marriages. I'd say about 20% of marriages are actually "great, happy". So why not co habitate rather than marry. Why does this legal, financial contract hold so much status in society as this symbol of love etc. when it fails more often than succeeds.
     
  8. kapay

    kapay Well-Known Member

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    I think people just don't have the patience to patch things up anymore. It fails more than it succeeds because people don't care. Sure, it may be the same as the first three years of a relationship but am I wrong to say there can be stages of love that can develop throughout marriage? 50 years is a long time to be in a state of pure romantic sexual happiness.
     
  9. stach

    stach Well-Known Member

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    What I've noticed lately is divorce is starting to be considered a rite of passage, especially by women. That being said, marriage has its legal advantages, like your partner becoming your next of kin. If you're concerned about money you can always do a pre-nup.
     
  10. odoreater

    odoreater Well-Known Member

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    --- 3 times. But love is not a permanent state of mind. And the divorce rate is against you, as is the unhappy marriages. I'd say about 20% of marriages are actually "great, happy". So why not co habitate rather than marry. Why does this legal, financial contract hold so much status in society as this symbol of love etc. when it fails more often than succeeds.

    Because since time immemorial we've understood that the best way to raise children is in a relationship where the child has two parents who are monogomous. That's the problem with people these days - they don't care about their kids they just care about themselves. How much love and attention are you going to be giving your kids if every week you're out looking for a new piece of ass? How much stability is their going to be in your household when every week your kids have a new mommy? Will the new mommy care for them as much as their biological mommy does? Divorce has horrible effects on children and the shitty part is that their parents don't care because in their middle age they still think that they have to hook up with every person that gives them a look.
     
  11. malek

    malek Well-Known Member

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    In my opinion, marriage is not "necessary" to ensure the well being of kids. There are a lot of unmarried couples that take good care of their children, just as if they were in a tradional mÃ[​IMG]nage.
    I would personaly recommend marriage just because it's a promise of stability between to persons, however I would not say that it is obligatory...
    Marriage also gives social advantadges that are not to be ignored because they are in the interest of the whole family, but I don't have a bad opinion on unmarried couples if they feel comfortable as they are.
     
  12. odoreater

    odoreater Well-Known Member

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    In my opinion, marriage is not "necessary" to ensure the well being of kids. There are a lot of unmarried couples that take good care of their children, just as if they were in a tradional mÃ[​IMG]nage.
    I would personaly recommend marriage just because it's a promise of stability between to persons, however I would not say that it is obligatory...
    Marriage also gives social advantadges that are not to be ignored because they are in the interest of the whole family, but I don't have a bad opinion on unmarried couples if they feel comfortable as they are.



    Just because you know some people that it works for and that in your "opinion" a kid is just as well off in either relationship, does not mean that those are the facts. Here's a little excerpt for you (I have more if you want):

    Children from divorced families drop out of school at twice the rate of children from intact families.

    The single best predictor of teen suicide is parental divorce and living in a single parent household.

    Children of divorced parents are significantly more likely to become delinquent by age 15, regardless of when the divorce took place, than are children whose own parents are married.

    Comparing all family structures, drug use in children is lowest in the intact married family.

    Children whose parents divorce have lower rates of graduation from high school and college and also complete fewer college courses.

    Children from divorced homes performed more poorly in reading, spelling, and math and repeated a grade more frequently than did children from intact two-parent families.

    The college attendance rate is about 60 percent lower among children of divorced parents compared with children of intact families.

    Divorce has been found to be associated with a higher incidence of depression, withdrawal from friends and family; aggressive, impulsive, or hyperactive behavior; and either withdrawing from participation in the classroom or becoming disruptive.

    Adult children of divorced parents experience mental health problems significantly more often than do the adult children of intact families.
     
  13. malek

    malek Well-Known Member

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    Please don't try to change what I said.

    When you talk about divorced parents you suggest that they are not living together anymore, while I'm talking about two persons living together and having kids. For me, marriage is not an obligation on this kind of people.
    Marriage is a moral contract that can be made between two persons without papers being signed.
    I personaly encourage marriage, but I'm not against people who refuse it, supposed they live as a married couple and take care of their children.
     
  14. odoreater

    odoreater Well-Known Member

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    Please don't try to change what I said.

    When you talk about divorced parents you suggest that they are not living together anymore, while I'm talking about two persons living together and having kids. For me, marriage is not an obligation on this kind of people.
    Marriage is a moral contract that can be made between two persons without papers being signed.
    I personaly encourage marriage, but I'm not against people who refuse it, supposed they live as a married couple and take care of their children.


    Ah ok, point taken. The OP though, was talking about living with someone temporarily and then moving on when you're tired of that person. He said, "But love is not a permanent state of mind. And the divorce rate is against you, as is the unhappy marriages. I'd say about 20% of marriages are actually "great, happy". So why not co habitate rather than marry." He also said, "I've had many girls be my companion, but I'm curious if humans were designed to spend lifetimes with only one mate? It's doesn't seem like a natural state depsite a clear famaliarality, support and lasting passion." From this I inferred that what he was asking is what is the point of a monogomous relationship with one person for your entire life.

    I agree with you that whether the people got a piece of paper signed by City Hall saying that they are married is irrelevant to child rearing if the parents are determined to live together as a family and raise their children as a family. However, the life style that the OP is suggesting would be very detrimental to child rearing.

    To answer the original question, the reason that society favors civil marriage instead of just co-habitation is because it is a solemnization of the relationship that makes people more likely to stay in that relationship. However, people have been taking their marital vows much less seriously recently.
     
  15. DNW

    DNW Well-Known Member

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    However, the life style that the OP is suggesting would be very detrimental to child rearing.
    The OP never mentioned anything about child rearing. If a couple chooses not to have children, a marriage is no more than an anouncement to the world that they've decided to enter into a monogamous for as long as they both can stand each other. And in my opinion, too many people take marriage too lightly these days. I would rather be in a relationship where two people are committed to each other and decide to actively work toward a happy relationship. Other than financial reasons, I don't care what our legal status is at city hall. The crucial ingredient in a relationship is the commitment both people make to each other, even when kids are involved. Marriage or not, the kids are happier in relationships where both parents care deeply about them and each other. To me, marriage is a legal recognition from the state of the already existing commitment from both parties. Therefore, it is mere superficial and not required for a happy relationship. With all this said, I've yet to meet a woman who doesn't like a beautiful wedding. So, I suppose the ceremonial aspect of it is very difficult to displace.
     
  16. Aaron

    Aaron Well-Known Member

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    --- 3 times. But love is not a permanent state of mind. And the divorce rate is against you, as is the unhappy marriages. I'd say about 20% of marriages are actually "great, happy". So why not co habitate rather than marry. Why does this legal, financial contract hold so much status in society as this symbol of love etc. when it fails more often than succeeds.

    Love is not a permanent state of mind? Have to disagree with you there. Obviously I don't know how your three previous "in love" relationships ended but every woman I've ever fallen for has remained a friend. I love them, and probably always will, but we both realize that we were not meant to spend the rest of our lives together.

    Even if 20% of marriages are "great,happy" why not endeavour to be part of that percentile? Who's stopping you?

    A.
     
  17. Reggs

    Reggs Well-Known Member

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    Soph, how were your parents growing up? How was your relationship with your mother?
     
  18. kitonbrioni

    kitonbrioni Well-Known Member

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    There's the old joke that only nuns, priests and homosexuals talk about marriage. I've been married for decades and note that married people never talk about marriage.
     
  19. odoreater

    odoreater Well-Known Member

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    The OP never mentioned anything about child rearing. If a couple chooses not to have children, a marriage is no more than an anouncement to the world that they've decided to enter into a monogamous for as long as they both can stand each other. And in my opinion, too many people take marriage too lightly these days.


    The OP asked why a couple should get married and stay in a relationship when that's not the natural state. He suggested that people should co-habitate and then move on when the relationship no longer suits them - that relationships are not meant to be eternal. I suggested that one reason people should stay in a monogomous relationship is because this is the ideal relationship in which to raise children. His question didn't mention child-rearing, but my answer did.

    I'm sure there are other reasons why people get married, but this is one of them.
     
  20. Nantucket Red

    Nantucket Red Well-Known Member

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    According to the Mad magazine philosophy,

    "It's romance when you plan your weekend around her.
    It's love when you plan your life around her.
    It's a relationship when you plan your tax return around her."
     

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