Intervention needed before I become KitonBrioni

[Big A]

I was dropping stuff off at the local goodwill store and decided to walk through waiting for my tax receipt. What did I find? Stonewashed Lizard Lucchese 1883 boots, unworn, for $40. Retail on these is around $400

I don't need boots. I especially don't need lizard boots. Yes, my family is from Georgia (partially) and I can ride a horse, but I'm no cowboy.

And yet, the exotic skin was so . . . enticing. I couldn't resist. Now they are on my feet - a perfect fit. As I gaze at the supple, silky lizard skin I wonder what other exotic animals are out there, just waiting to become a pair of boots. Stingray & Ostrich? Too pedestrian. Crocodile or Gator? Too Urban Cowboy. The only thing that will do is some sort of illegal pelt from an endangered species (humpback whale?) or maybe, just maybe . . . .

HUMAN SKIN!!!!!!!

Please schedule my intervention now before things get out of control . . . . .

 

[Mudhiker]

Post pic! Boots like that don't get enough respect around here.

 

[alt.don]

You may wish to go for baby seal boots as it is all the rage for animal lovers to defend these lovable cretins. Even better yet! Go for "virgin" baby seal boots. Not sure how you could assure yourself of the virgin quotient but just a thought. Hmmmmm, now that you have me rolling those virgin baby seal boots would go very nicely with that jacket Kramer wore on Seinfeld. You know the one that was multi-colored and where he also had a walking stick and pimp hat on? Man, that would be a sweet ensemble. The stuff that dreams are made of.

 

[L.R.]

I own seal slippers. Love them in the winter and on cold fall days when I don't want to put a fire on.

 

[bananananana]

Get a hijab made out of bald eagle.

 

[Kaplan]

Have you considered dolphin?

 

[alt.don]

OMFG! A hijab made out of bald eagle! That takes the effing cake. You gave me an honest laugh out loud moment on that one. Been there in person with weaponry watching these women treated as slaves while their douchebag "men" lounged about drinking tea and brandy. Good C*rist my wife would skin me alive if I tried to treat her like that. Sorry for the politicized aspect of my comments.

 

[Master-Classter]

pink dolphin!

 

[Metlin]

Penis skin boots. Preferably, your own.

 

[Big A]

Originally Posted by Metlin

Penis skin boots. Preferably, your own.


You flatter me sir....

 

[Big A]

 

[PTWilliams]

Originally Posted by Kaplan

Have you considered dolphin?

Make sure its tuna-safe dolphin

 

[w.o.e.is.me.]

Originally Posted by bananananana

Get a hijab made out of bald eagle.

 

[Clairborn]

Unicorn tears?

 

[JohnShaft]

If you can locate my ex-wife, I'll happily help you skin her for boots. Lord knows she skinned me pretty thoroughly.