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Interracial/Intercultural Dating

Stazy

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I doubt I could date someone who wasn't caucasian...Perhaps an Asian but I'm not sure.
 

DNW

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Yes. There are things that you have to explain, but if the other person is understanding, you get along just fine. I'm Asian, and my gf of almost 3 years is white (probably a mix of English and something else).
 

Gradstudent78

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Originally Posted by merkur
Do you date people from outside your own race/culture and if so, what is it like?

This seems like a pretty broad question, with an infinite amount of answers, maybe if you were more specific it might be helpful.

Anyways for reference I'm white, european descent (blond hair/blue eyes), family in the US since colonial times, with no real attachments to any heritage outside of the US. I've had Jewish, mexican, and South America (non-US citizen) girlfriends (one of each). I would say all were pretty positive experiences and any racial/cultural differences we had didn't cause any problems.
 

Lel

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Every girl I date is interracial dating.

Never had a problem.
 

Gradstudent78

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Originally Posted by merkur
What are the difficulties people have encountered?

Ok, that's a little better. Only real problem that stands out is language barriers can be a little difficult at times. South American (bolivian) girl I dated had little to no english and my spanish at the time required some work. But on the plus side dating a native speaker is a very quick way to improve your language skills.

Sometimes you do get strange dating things too, when we first started dating she would basically bring a chaperone (friend) with her. I would end up having to pay for both of them, which was annoying (but cheap). That ended fairly quickly once we got past the initial stages of dating. All Bolivian 20 something adults also tend to live with their parents so that was something else to work around.
 

ratboycom

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I am actually doing a project on this subject for my race relations class.
For the White members:
What issues have you come across with cross culture dating/relationships?

How did your parents feel?

What about reactions of people around you?

Do you feel that certain races "mesh" better or are more accepted as a couple than others?
 

Milhouse

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This is a very interesting topic for me. I am dating a non-US girl.

I have a theory that when people date interracially, but from the same country, they have at least the solid base of culture of their country, despite regional or sub-culture variations. The concerns often become external (e.g. how will others view my relationship, like parents, friends, etc).

When people date interracially and from different countries, there can be very little common ground and there are concerns both internal to and external to the relationship.

One of the big difficulties I've encountered is interacting with her and others. My US girlfriends expected me to listen and keep my mouth shut when they told me about problems. Telling me about a problem was not an invitation or solicitation for advice. Rather I was just a target for venting.

My current girlfriend doesn't understand that. She comes to me with a problem because we are a couple and we must work through things together. She wants my input.

Similarly, at a party or at a group dinner, I'm happy to sit back, chill, and just listen to others tell stories. I don't like to talk about myself much, I just prompt other people to talk with questions and such. After a few such events, my girlfriend apologized for taking me somewhere that I did not enjoy. I would tell her that I had a great time and that her friends were interesting and I liked listening. She still can't understand that. She thinks if I'm just listening and being quiet, it means I'm bored.

So, my advice is to find a group of people in a similar situation. Often immigrants from the same region, same language, etc develop little communities. Find such a group and talk to them openly about various problems. Many of the women were surprised that ALL of us US men were the same in the ways I mentioned above. We can have a GREAT time just relaxing with a drink and listening to others at a party. It is a big cultural difference and it takes some getting used to.

If each person in the relationship tries to follow the 80/20 rule (e.g. I will try to adapt 80% of the way to the other culture, and expect the other person to only adapt 20% of the way) then everything should be fine as long as you are patient and understanding. You will build an extra sense about what is a cultural difference and what is an actual problem.

To answer ratboycom's questions:
1) see above for just one issue. There are plenty more, I could talk for days about this.
2) my parents have one metric: my happiness. If I'm happy, they are happy. Her parents seemed to really like me too.
3) I'm not sure that I've noticed or probably more accurately, cared to notice.
4) See above about same country vs different country relationships. As for external issues, e.g. how others view the relationships, I really don't know and don't give a damn. The important people are family and friends, and I'd like to think they would use the happiness metric too. I know some cultures really look down upon intercultural relationships, but I haven't experienced it personally.
 

Gradstudent78

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Originally Posted by ratboycom
I am actually doing a project on this subject for my race relations class.
For the White members:
What issues have you come across with cross culture dating/relationships?

How did your parents feel?

What about reactions of people around you?

Do you feel that certain races "mesh" better or are more accepted as a couple than others?


The problem with these type of questions is you really have to define what your talking about.

Cross cultural dating could mean that I a US white dating any number of european women, all of which might be considered white, but are from a different culture. Or are you simply interested in a US white dating a US black? Or would you also be interested in a US white dating a Kenyan? Like I said in my earlier post I dated a Bolivian women, but she was a native bolivian women who has never been in the US. I would imagine my experience with dating her is radically different the one I might have dating a 3rd generation US-Bolivian woman.
 

Patrician

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I met this really beautiful persian girl a while ago but my drunk (girl) friend spoiled it. She was definitely worth my time.
 

ratboycom

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I was assigned to US whites dating non-whites in general.

To answer my own questions, (as I am going to get married to Japanese woman)

What issues have you come across with cross culture dating/relationships?
Mostly this is similar to Millhouse's experiences. That and over a long period of time little things end up being the problems. Like not fully understanding each other's culture. Even smaller stuff like how things go around the kitchen and cleaning methods (like using the dishwasher as one big ass drying rack. WTF mate?) can come up.

How did your parents feel?
My parents love my fiance and even more important my grandparents really really like her. Though I come from a pretty international family (most of my cousins are half something, like Korean, Mexican, German, etc).

What about reactions of people around you?
Most people dont care, but occasionally I have gotten a look or two from Middle aged to older Japanese guys here, like on the train and stuff. At the same time I have noticed that I get treated much better when she is around me than if I am by myself. Though Japanese people talking exclusively to her when we are ordering or something at a restaurant can be really annoying. Which is why I will respond if they are asking a question about what I want.

Do you feel that certain races "mesh" better or are more accepted as a couple than others?
From my experiences living in my smaller hometown (and even here in Japan) white with Asian is typically more acceptable amongst people than others. Specifically Black with Asian/White, which for some odd reason a lot of people have problems with. Mexican men with White women also experience a lot of discrimination, usually stemming from people thinking that the Mexican is just after a greencard.
 

X-It

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Originally Posted by Lel
Every girl I date is interracial dating.

Never had a problem.


Same story.
 

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