internet dating gone bad

[esquire.]

Ernest:

This is why you don't try to find a woman via the internet. I found this in a different forum about sports:

"Hello, I'm Dodger Slut. Over the off season, I began chatting online with one of the posters here. His name is Victor, but you know him as "Straight Dodger." I sent him my picture and he sent me his and we talked. He is 17 years old, works in a fast food restaurant, lives in LA and is a virgin. He talked dirty to me while he jacked off. I saved all of our relevant conversations and will begin posting them for the forums amusement. Please stay tuned for subsequent postings from me.

As promised, here is the 2nd installment of our chats. I've included the first part of the conversation which I posted yesterday, so you can get the full context of our conversation. Also, I'll be posting his picture eventually too.

StraightDodger: whos this?
You No Warn ME: kara, isn't this dan?
StraightDodger: wrong im, girl
You No Warn ME: oh shoot. i'm sorry I thought my
friend's im was StraightDogger
StraightDodger: wait
You No Warn ME: what
StraightDodger: can we be friends anyway?
You No Warn ME: well, maybe. are you some old
pervert hanging out on the internet or are you young? i'm
only 19, so i don't wanna be hangin out talkin to sum 40
year old
StraightDodger: no, im 17
You No Warn ME: for real?
StraightDodger: for real
You No Warn ME: cool. where do you live?
StraightDodger: los angeles
You No Warn ME: Cool.
You No Warn ME: I'm not that far from you. I live in
Vegas
StraightDodger: cool
StraightDodger: do u go to unlv?
You No Warn ME: no, i'm not going to school right
now. but i'm thinking about starting next year
StraightDodger: o ok
You No Warn ME: you single?
StraightDodger: where do u work at?
You No Warn ME: i work at a club called spearmint
rhino. where do you work? you didn't answer my
question
StraightDodger: u never asked that
You No Warn ME: huh? I asked you if you were single,
but you didn't answer.
StraightDodger: no
StraightDodger: r u
You No Warn ME: i'd say yes. i mean i go out with
guys and stuff, but no one exclusively.
You No Warn ME: where do you work?
StraightDodger: fast food restaurant
You No Warn ME: cool, which one? is it in n' out? i
love that place?
StraightDodger: carl's jr
You No Warn ME: i love their fried zucchini
You No Warn ME: do you have any pics of you? if you
send me one of you, i can send you one of me. but you
have to promise to say i'm hot.
StraightDodger: ok
StraightDodger: do u only daqte whote guys?
StraightDodger: date*
You No Warn ME: no, why? i only date cute guys. i
don't care if they are purple as long as i like them.
You No Warn ME: are you purple?
StraightDodger: wuts a purple guy?
You No Warn ME: i'm just playin silly. i just picked that
color out of ******.
You No Warn ME: :-*
StraightDodger:
StraightDodger: im filipino
You No Warn ME: ooooohhhh. i like brown guys.
StraightDodger: did u go to high school in vegas?
You No Warn ME: no, i went to high school in
pennsylvania where i grew up. then i moved to vegas.
You No Warn ME: Hey, i just noticed something. I
don't even know your name yet? what's your name. I'm
kara.
StraightDodger: im Eric Gagne
You No Warn ME: ha ha, you are very funny. that's
fine, you don't have to tell me your name. so, you have a
girlie friend huh?
StraightDodger: ok, my name's victor
You No Warn ME: yeah, sure it is
StraightDodger: girlie friend?
StraightDodger: it is
You No Warn ME: a girl friend? hello. you said you
were not single, so i assumed you had a girlfriend, unless
you have a boyfriend.

Yes, the conversation is real. Victor aka "straight dodger" told me all kinds of info about him and sent me his real picture. I also talked to his little 13 year old brother who told me even more **** about him. He had a 14 year old girlfriend, now remember Victor is 17, well, this 14 year old would not let him have any, in fact, he told me that he had kissed her and tried to put his hand down her pants, but she wouldn't let him. His brother confirmed to me that he does work at Carl's Jr. Once his picture gets onto this forum, all of you can check your local LA carls jr for him.

I will post the next installment of our conversations. Please note, I have ABSOLUTELY NOT altered any of the original conversations. I think when you read them you will realize that they are way too good for anyone to make up."

 

[Steve B.]

and, Esquire, I'm assuming by the handle (perhaps quite erroneously) that you're a ...lawyer???

 

[Eric]

I don't get it?

Eric

 

[PeterMetro]

This just seems unnecessarily cruel.

 

[Bradford]

Assuming she really works at Spearmint Rhino, Kara is a stripper who struck up a conversation with this 17-year-old from LA, got him to do and say some quite embarrasing things and then posted the transcripts of their conversations on the internet.

I'm sort of assuming that if you were to read all of the transcripts, Kara would turn out to be a guy who took on the persona of a young girl and used a fake picture.

I believe that Esquire is posting this to illustrate the dangers of internet dating before Ernest is sucked too far into that realm.

Bradford

 

[faustian bargain]

...but maybe ernest wants to get sucked. into that realm, i mean.

 

[Brian SD]

Ouch. The poor guy, he's just an innocent 17 year old. But come on, a 14 year old girlfriend? wow...

 

[imageWIS]

...but maybe ernest wants to get sucked. into that realm, i mean.

Sure... that's what you meant... Jon.

 

[esquire.]

I chose my nome de guerre in honor of Esquire Magazine.

To give some background on the whole thread, it seems that Victor, Straight Dodger, chose that screenname to mock Giants fans. Thus, the name Straight Dodger viz a viz supposedly gay Giants fans.

The prankster in following conversations convinced Victor to email a picture of himself, reveal which Carl's Jr he worked at, reveal how small ********* was, etc... To be honest, I don't know if the prankster was really a guy, but rather somebody who decided to teach Victor a lesson about homophobia.

My friend's brother used to do things like that all the time before the Internet became popular. He'd go on those partylines, and assume a falsetto voice that sounded like a woman. So, he'd build up these relationships over the phone and then while speaking, would suddenly change his voice back to normal. I think a couple of guys even cried when they realized he was really a man. Of course, he was an asshole. When my friend had his wisdom teeth removed, his brother swiped some of his pain medication.

Ah yes, to be 17 again. The poor execution of this Victor reminds me of a classmate of mine, who had a crush on this girl at our high school. Out of the blue, he dropped off a pizza at her house.