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I need some help getting a wardrobe together for a date

Shantanu

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Two marriages and two kids have beaten the dress sense out of me.....and now, back on the dating scene, I have no idea what to wear.

I'm going away and meeting with a 28 year old banker in a couple of weeks time on an over nighter. We've only met the one time before, for a cup of coffee, for about 20 minutes. I have no idea what to wear and take with me....can anyone give me some ideas?

This is only the second person I'm dating since my divorce.

Her: 28 years old, banker, doctorate from Oxford, very cultured, articulate, fit, very very attractive, very stylish.
Me: 36, surgeon, have seen better days, reasonably attractive, though am getting a little paunchy in the middle, live in suits for seeing patients and all sorts of crap at the weekend when with the kids.

I'm getting there in the afternoon, going to the spa at the hotel, and then I'm meeting her for dinner at quite a formal Michelin starred restaurant in the evening. I'm not sure if we will get on well enough to go on somewhere else, but would like to leave it open as an option. Also, I don't know if we'll see each other in a less formal way the next day, but again, would like to leave it open.

Can I get some help with what I should wear and take with me please?

TIA.
 

Median

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Hmm, sounds a bit formal - more like a business meeting! I'm thinking Spring and a Continental look. How about a white/khaki cotton or linen suit with a french cuff cornflower blue or plain white shirt , no tie, and brown suede or leather shoes. Haircut and shave. Nice cologne. This was a not too bad hit from google images for linen suit:
Laker.jpg
Good luck!
 

wetnose

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Originally Posted by Shantanu
Two marriages and two kids have beaten the dress sense out of me.....and now, back on the dating scene, I have no idea what to wear. I'm going away and meeting with a 28 year old banker in a couple of weeks time on an over nighter. We've only met the one time before, for a cup of coffee, for about 20 minutes. I have no idea what to wear and take with me....can anyone give me some ideas? This is only the second person I'm dating since my divorce. Her: 28 years old, banker, doctorate from Oxford, very cultured, articulate, fit, very very attractive, very stylish. Me: 36, surgeon, have seen better days, reasonably attractive, though am getting a little paunchy in the middle, live in suits for seeing patients and all sorts of crap at the weekend when with the kids. I'm getting there in the afternoon, going to the spa at the hotel, and then I'm meeting her for dinner at quite a formal Michelin starred restaurant in the evening. I'm not sure if we will get on well enough to go on somewhere else, but would like to leave it open as an option. Also, I don't know if we'll see each other in a less formal way the next day, but again, would like to leave it open. Can I get some help with what I should wear and take with me please? TIA.
I suggest the basics: 1) well fitted suit in casual color, that you're comfortable in - picture as posted is excellent. Perhaps one with softer shoulders, not the "power" suit. If you don't have one already, try one out at your local store. If it's the right one - trust me, it'll speak to you. If it doesn't keep on searching. Maybe one with a thin stripe to make you slimmer and taller - can't hurt. 2) Perhaps a shirt in an interesting color - say charcoal/grey (very slimming), rather than same old same old white/sky blue. Your local store might have an idea about what complements your coloring. 2) Nice pair of shoes - you live in a wonderful country for excellent shoes. Check out the range at pediwear then try it on locally. 3) Nice men's watch - nothing too expensive neccessarily, just well proportioned and classic in look. The whole idea of the outfit is to make you feel good about yourself. If it itches, catches in strange ways, makes you look short/fat/sallow...forget it. Post your height, hair color and eye color - maybe other members can give you better color coordination tips.
 

koolhistorian

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1. Check if the restaurant has a "tie only" policy (nothing more embarrassing than to have a maitre d' telling you with a Jeeves tone - You can have one of our ties, Sir!);
2. If she is a 28 yrs old banker with an Oxford doc she is not looking for a "stud date" in a hotel with spa (female cynical approach towards dating is horrible, but they tend to be very "practical"), so work most on your communication style, rather than on your sartorial style (caveats: do not discuss your divorces, former wife, etc. at least on the first phase, be funny and "nonchalant", let her talk, make her laugh);
3. Think menu and wine (the classical approach is that the lady chooses the food, the gentleman chooses the wine) so go for the "intelligence gathering" - see if you can have a peek at their wine list;
4. Manners, manners, manners - sometimes is a deal breaker with high - flyer women; (do not forget to pick the tab when you are "excusing yourself for 5 minutes", that is a thing that my grandfather taught me since I was 7 years old);
5. Sartorial style - my favorites (and I am on the portly side): cashmere blazer (not very structured), grey pants, mahogany mocs, italian style, a nice pocket square and a good blue or pink shirt (that must be set by you, pending your complexion). Remember that you will go in a "stiff" restaurant.Grooming is also extremely important with women - so get a manicure and a hair cut 2-3 days before the meeting.
6. Sprezzatura - be yourself!
Good luck, and keep us posted!
 

lee_44106

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blue blazer
open collar shirt
pocketsquare
gray pants
dark brown shoes


Big smile and good manners befitting a gentleman.
 

dirk diggler

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get a manicure

talk about the kids, but not about how you have no time between them and work

make her laugh and smile.

compliment something about her

pull out her chair, etc

wear what makes you comfortable - if you are stiff, it will show. Good advice already here

know how to discuss difficult topics, esp since you have been divorced twice. what did you learn about what YOU did wrong (yes, you contributed to the failures - learn to acknowledge and admit)

Finally, if you are meeting at a hotel for an "over nighter", even if she has a "separate" room, have some flowers delivered to her room with some nice chocolates and a note about looking forward to dinner. Also, bring some condoms. I suspect you may need them.
bounce2.gif
 

SkinnyGoomba

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Originally Posted by lee_44106
blue blazer
open collar shirt
pocketsquare
gray pants
dark brown shoes


Big smile and good manners befitting a gentleman.


exactly what I was thinking, she sounds like the type of girl who would be interested in someone who is well dressed, but pulls it off in a way that it feels like its your everyday. Dressed up with a casual mentality.

All due respect to Dirk Dig, but i believe she's going to RUN if you send flowers to her room, talk about the kids, send her chocolates and talk about your divorces. I think i would stick to topics which are fun to talk about and light for a 2nd date.

Talk about that stuff when you've been dating a few months, and send her flowers when its valentines day.

No need to go over the top, most women are embarrassed by it.
 

koolhistorian

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Originally Posted by dirk diggler

know how to discuss difficult topics, esp since you have been divorced twice. what did you learn about what YOU did wrong (yes, you contributed to the failures - learn to acknowledge and admit)

Finally, if you are meeting at a hotel for an "over nighter", even if she has a "separate" room, have some flowers delivered to her room with some nice chocolates and a note about looking forward to dinner. Also, bring some condoms. I suspect you may need them.
bounce2.gif


Totally no-no! If you ask a woman, she will tell you that she not want to be considered a "rebound" or an "unpaid nanny"! Kids are to be introduced only in the case that it gets really serious!
 

Davelli0331

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All due respect to Dirk Dig, but i believe she's going to RUN if you send flowers to her room, talk about the kids, send her chocolates and talk about your divorces. I think i would stick to topics which are fun to talk about and light for a 2nd date.

Talk about that stuff when you've been dating a few months, and send her flowers when its valentines day.
Totally no-no! If you ask a woman, she will tell you that she not want to be considered a "rebound" or an "unpaid nanny"! Kids are to be introduced only in the case that it gets really serious!
+1000

Conversation for the first few dates should be light and topical. Ideally, you want to be asking open-ended questions that get her talking. Pepper the conversation with comments to let her know you're paying attention, and for goodness' sake, make her laugh. You almost NEVER want to drag down a date with personal stories of anguish, divorce, etc. Even if your divorce went great and you're great friends with your ex-wife, I wouldn't bring it up.
 

wetnose

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Originally Posted by Davelli0331
+1000

Conversation for the first few dates should be light and topical. Ideally, you want to be asking open-ended questions that get her talking. Pepper the conversation with comments to let her know you're paying attention, and for goodness' sake, make her laugh. You almost NEVER want to drag down a date with personal stories of anguish, divorce, etc. Even if your divorce went great and you're great friends with your ex-wife, I wouldn't bring it up.


Oh my yes. But if SHE starts dominating the conversation about how evil her previous boyfriends were, what a martyr she was, the problems with her mother....RUN! FLEE!
lol8[1].gif
 

Reckoner

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how did you meet?

she's a banker ... geez ... she sees well dressed people all the time. so you better be stylish ... however don't over do it ... b/c if anything ... she wants to get away from the corporate and work environment when she's with you ... it's her time out of the office ...
 

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