I keep buying clothes I think I like, a few months later I hate them

[MBrianT]

I've been trying to 'revamp' my wardrobe for months now. I thought I was over all my jeans and t-shirts so I slowly started replacing them with trousers, more dressy style pants, and more button down shirts, kind of a dark academia vibe. Now I've accumulated more clothing I don't like. I can only afford 2-3 pieces every two weeks or so. I have tons of jeans that don't fit, pants that feel too dressy. I've been tucking my t-shirts into dressy pants and I just feel so stupid. I have one belt, and a bunch of sneakers that feel too sporty. I don't feel like I'm dressing like myself, I feel like I'm trying to imitate someone and doing a bad job. I feel like I need to start over, but I can't just get rid of all my clothes, I need something. Should I build a capsule wardrobe? What should I do?

Here are a few things that worked for me.

1. Pick an area of focus first and then build a capsule. When I first started to define my style, I started with my work clothes first. I experimented and mastered that area. Then I moved to casual. By limiting focus, I was able to dial in what really defined my style.

2. Set limits. This probably helped me the most. If I decided that I would not own more than 4 blazers, I’m forced to be more intentional and if I do come across something that I like when I’m at that max amount, I have to let something go. This helps me ensure I only hold on to things I really love and will wear.

3. Thrift shop. It will be a lot less painful to buy the dark academia items in a thrift store than brand new in case you have buyer’s remorse later.

 

[bluenose]

It is normal for this to take time and a lot of trial and error. I would resist the urge to discard your efforts and start from scratch. Something drew you to the “dark academia” aesthetic. Take some time to wear those things and figure out what you like about them and what you don’t like. Is there a way that you can wear some of those items that feels more natural or that you think looks good, even if it’s not super striking or the full look? If you like something, say a pairing of a shoe and a pair of trousers, then a next step can be to find a shirt that you like with that pairing. Iterate and experiment. As mentioned above thrifting can be great for this to lower the stakes as you try things.

 

[espiocrat]

If you're trying a new style, it's inevitable when you look in the mirror it won't look like "you", even if it looks great (the two things aren't exactly the same). You may find that you have to train your own eye to expect to see - or to accept seeing - this new version of yourself. I mean, literally try on your clothes at home, in different combinations, look at yourself in the mirror, maybe take fit pics that you don't share, until you start to feel comfortable.

I would echo the advice about thrifting. By definition, if you buy off eBay or similar you can't lose much because you can resell at minimal loss. That gives you a freedom to experiment that you just won't have if you're buying new.

Also, 2-3 things every couple of weeks is a lot. Slow down, take your time, there is no quick fix to figuring out how you want to look.

 

[William Kazak]

Whose style do you admire? What were they wearing?

 

[cottontop]

What if the girlfriend has no style?

They all do, one way or another.

 

[simj]

What if the girlfriend has no style?

Not only this, but who wants to be dressed by their girlfriend ? It's only one step away from having your Mum dress you

 

[lockstock]

I struggle with this a lot too, particularly after realising I am trying to resell way too much stuff I own and barely wear. This is why I try to limit myself to buying 1-2 things max per month (aside from the essentials) that I research more extensively and always from stores that have good return policies.

 

[Veremund]

I've been trying to 'revamp' my wardrobe for months now. I thought I was over all my jeans and t-shirts so I slowly started replacing them with trousers, more dressy style pants, and more button down shirts, kind of a dark academia vibe. Now I've accumulated more clothing I don't like. I can only afford 2-3 pieces every two weeks or so. I have tons of jeans that don't fit, pants that feel too dressy. I've been tucking my t-shirts into dressy pants and I just feel so stupid. I have one belt, and a bunch of sneakers that feel too sporty. I don't feel like I'm dressing like myself, I feel like I'm trying to imitate someone and doing a bad job. I feel like I need to start over, but I can't just get rid of all my clothes, I need something. Should I build a capsule wardrobe? What should I do?

How old are you, where do you live, and what is your profession?

 

[cottontop]

Not only this, but who wants to be dressed by their girlfriend ? It's only one step away from having your Mum dress you

Sometimes you've just gotta do what you've gotta do.

 

[simj]

Sometimes you've just gotta do what you've gotta do.

I hear you bud but still want my attire to reflect myself and knowing some of my past girlfriends I'm not sure I'd trust their judgement ; ]

 

[Beadhead]

I've been trying to 'revamp' my wardrobe for months now. I thought I was over all my jeans and t-shirts so I slowly started replacing them with trousers, more dressy style pants, and more button down shirts, kind of a dark academia vibe. Now I've accumulated more clothing I don't like. I can only afford 2-3 pieces every two weeks or so. I have tons of jeans that don't fit, pants that feel too dressy. I've been tucking my t-shirts into dressy pants and I just feel so stupid. I have one belt, and a bunch of sneakers that feel too sporty. I don't feel like I'm dressing like myself, I feel like I'm trying to imitate someone and doing a bad job. I feel like I need to start over, but I can't just get rid of all my clothes, I need something. Should I build a capsule wardrobe? What should I do?

One way forward to revamping a wardrobe and avoiding chaos is to find a brand whose clothing fits well and whose general style is in line with what you are looking for (be it dressy, dress casual or casual), and then stick to purchasing pieces you like from that brand, exclusively. That way, as you go along, you are much more likely to purchase pieces that will look good with the other pieces you purchase and which you will feel good wearing together. Think of it as finding THE brand that's YOU, one that fits you body and mind. You don't need to replace your entire wardrobe at once; over time your new purchases will create a new wardrobe to replace the old.

For me, that brand was Boglioli. Now go find yours.

 

[mhip]

This guy hasn't been here since July 23rd...

I think you guys are talking to the ether.

 

[40s_wardrobe]

This guy hasn't been here since July 23rd...

I think you guys are talking to the ether.

I am reading the responses

 

[AbsurdityPeddler]

I feel you here, OP. It's a tough place to be, and the existential element of it is so real. There's a lot of great advice on this thread already, and I want to offer a slightly different take. I would start by finding one piece that you really, really love--that just feels good to put on, that feels right on you. Say it's a pair of trousers (you mentioned jeans, which can be diabolical to find a perfect-for-you version of). Use that as your base and build an outfit around it. Get a pair of shoes that the pants sit well with; find a shirt that harmonizes; etc. Just make sure you also love each piece you get to complement the anchor piece. Then, surely some other pair of pants will go with that new shirt; surely the shoes will match with other pants than the original pair... You get the idea. This is a more molecular, less conceptual method of building a wardrobe that ensures: (1) you like everything you buy; and, perhaps even more importantly (2) things in your wardrobe really go together. Personally I find the approach of "imagine what kind of image you want to project and buy around that" simultaneously overwhelming and limiting. It sounds like you're struggling with the identity you hope to project by how you dress; I think that by being totally honest with yourself about each piece you buy and ensuring your pieces go together, you'll piece your style together in a more natural and organic manner.

 

[chrlsful]

May be:
Think in levels (of formality). Pick one, start there - with LOTS of magazines, sites, whatever. (I like mags as I can cut out, save ina file.) 2nd - I try to ‘put it together’ as a single ensembles (most can switch out, but I need that ‘whole thing’ to fit together to WORK IN MY MIND). Shoes (even sox) pant belt etc. I may make the ‘ensemble’ with vest, coat, over coat hat, scarf, etc. Try 2 or 3 laid out, complete. Wear as ‘constructed’ several times (to the same level formality events). Asses after 3, 4 wears.
Go on to nother level?
I have ‘around the house’; ‘sports’; less casual; work; formal evening. (there’s more levels too).
This way U can experiment, save on huge make overs, come into your self (perhaps the most important) find “yourself”. This way U can express yourself (what is embedded in ur Q). Clothing are now art, not just to shield the body/keep cool/warm. HTH, keep talkin 8^ )