I broke up with my gf (general breakup thread)

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Matt, Dec 21, 2008.

  1. HgaleK

    HgaleK Senior member

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    Ugh, 8 am, and I'm still drunk as a skunk. For what it's worth, I'm 19 years old, there is no way I could realistically believe anyone who I met now would be the person I spend my life with...

    Wow... no wonder this is so similar. Drop me a PM if you feel like talking about it. Otherwise just a few thoughts:

    -Easy on the drinking. My GPA dropped almost an entire point after last semester because I got overly reliant on booze.
    -Use it as motivation to get fit. Working out keeps the depression at bay.
    -Stay in constant touch with your friends, but do NOT mention the relationship to them. If they want to hear about it they'll say something. Otherwise they'll just get sick of your bitching.
    -5 months after the fact and there's a girl who's better than my ex ever was. If/when this one ends, there will be another one too. Same thing will happen to you.
    -Workout some more. It's easier to deal with at first when you look in the mirror and think to yourself "look what the bitch is missing out on now."
    -Reconnect to the friends and people who you didn't spend enough time with because you were hanging out with the GF. It gives the breakup some slightly positive spin.
    -Don't get stuck in a self pity hole. They're destructive as a bitch and hard to get out of.

    Good luck man.
     


  2. APK

    APK Senior member

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    Wow... no wonder this is so similar. Drop me a PM if you feel like talking about it. Otherwise just a few thoughts:

    -Easy on the drinking. My GPA dropped almost an entire point after last semester because I got overly reliant on booze.
    -Use it as motivation to get fit. Working out keeps the depression at bay.
    -Stay in constant touch with your friends, but do NOT mention the relationship to them. If they want to hear about it they'll say something. Otherwise they'll just get sick of your bitching.
    -5 months after the fact and there's a girl who's better than my ex ever was. If/when this one ends, there will be another one too. Same thing will happen to you.
    -Workout some more. It's easier to deal with at first when you look in the mirror and think to yourself "look what the bitch is missing out on now."
    -Reconnect to the friends and people who you didn't spend enough time with because you were hanging out with the GF. It gives the breakup some slightly positive spin.
    -Don't get stuck in a self pity hole. They're destructive as a bitch and hard to get out of.

    Good luck man.


    Good advice except the part in bold. This is a time to reconnect with friends but it's also a time to utilize one of the best parts of having real friends: knowing someone is there to really listen to you and help you through the rough patches. He shouldn't become the guy who brings it up every time he's with his friends. But there's nothing wrong with the sporadic heart-to-heart with a close friend about what he's going through.
     


  3. ghostbusters101

    ghostbusters101 Well-Known Member

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    I feel like 19 is a good age to go through that kind of stuff. I had a similar experience and grew through it. You will meet another girl that is better than her and you'll find you won't care anymore. But for now, take the advice offered in this thread.

    Also, don't rush into another relationship with the first girl you bang, unless you're really sure you want to go there. Be young and single because it only happens once.
     


  4. APK

    APK Senior member

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    I went through something similar when I was 21. I remember my uncle's blunt response was, "You're 21. You don't know what you want."

    He was so, so right.
     


  5. acecow

    acecow Senior member

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    After my last breakup, I bought myself the 500 Days of Summer DVD [​IMG]

    That movie was great; when it came out I broke up with a girl I was kinda dating for almost half a year and she was exactly like that girl in the movie. Probably a 90% match. It was freaky and interesting at the same time.
     


  6. MarkI

    MarkI Senior member

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    Wow... no wonder this is so similar. Drop me a PM if you feel like talking about it. Otherwise just a few thoughts:

    -Easy on the drinking. My GPA dropped almost an entire point after last semester because I got overly reliant on booze.
    -Use it as motivation to get fit. Working out keeps the depression at bay.
    -Stay in constant touch with your friends, but do NOT mention the relationship to them. If they want to hear about it they'll say something. Otherwise they'll just get sick of your bitching.
    -5 months after the fact and there's a girl who's better than my ex ever was. If/when this one ends, there will be another one too. Same thing will happen to you.
    -Workout some more. It's easier to deal with at first when you look in the mirror and think to yourself "look what the bitch is missing out on now."
    -Reconnect to the friends and people who you didn't spend enough time with because you were hanging out with the GF. It gives the breakup some slightly positive spin.
    -Don't get stuck in a self pity hole. They're destructive as a bitch and hard to get out of.

    Good luck man.


    Solid advice, thanks man.
    I went through something similar when I was 21. I remember my uncle's blunt response was, "You're 21. You don't know what you want."

    He was so, so right.


    You know, a part of me really knows this is true, but it still sucks.

    The funniest thing about all of this, is that on another level, I feel extremely violated, I gave this girl so much, I really did, and then she comes out with this. It's like a severe ego pride thing. Such a bitch
     


  7. Teger

    Teger Senior member

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    you're 19?

    damn it is definitely not over.
     


  8. MarkI

    MarkI Senior member

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    She's 20
     


  9. Teger

    Teger Senior member

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    i feel like i need to repost this gem from gqgeek into this thread, so we can all feel kinda good:

    anyway mark i didn't realize you were so young.

    but yea she'll hit you up in a week or two.
     


  10. wootx

    wootx Senior member

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    heh...
     


  11. Teger

    Teger Senior member

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    also mark start going to the gym if you don't already. whenever im depressed i go work out - helps a lot to focus on something else and to tire yourself out.
     


  12. HgaleK

    HgaleK Senior member

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    also mark start going to the gym if you don't already. whenever im depressed i go work out - helps a lot to focus on something else and to tire yourself out.

    Re quoting because this can never be said enough.

    One thing that I wish I'd done during the BS was followed: Don't get caught in your living space by yourself if there is any way to avoid it. If you need to study go to the library; work out at the school rec center; eat with friends, etc. It may not be an issue for you, but it got hard for me to leave my apartment at times.

    Teger is probably right on her calling you. Don't call her. Don't beg, yell, or apologize either if she does call. A neutral, casual greeting should set the tone on your end after she says hello, and then after she says her spiel explain to her something along the lines of "I appreciate you calling, but I'm going to need some time to think things through. I'll give you a call when I'm ready to discuss this etc..." Keep your tone and choice of words in check (not too cool). Then live up to what you say and don't call her until you're ready. Consult with SF before the call again. There's a good chance you won't listen to what's said, but it will give you a chance to rethink whether or not you're ready to talk.

    It fucking sucks, don't it? Just keep in mind that there are always two sides here.
     


  13. RedLantern

    RedLantern Senior member

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    Solid advice, thanks man.


    You know, a part of me really knows this is true, but it still sucks.

    The funniest thing about all of this, is that on another level, I feel extremely violated, I gave this girl so much, I really did, and then she comes out with this. It's like a severe ego pride thing. Such a bitch


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMGKI...eature=related
     


  14. MarkI

    MarkI Senior member

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    Re quoting because this can never be said enough.

    One thing that I wish I'd done during the BS was followed: Don't get caught in your living space by yourself if there is any way to avoid it. If you need to study go to the library; work out at the school rec center; eat with friends, etc. It may not be an issue for you, but it got hard for me to leave my apartment at times.

    Teger is probably right on her calling you. Don't call her. Don't beg, yell, or apologize either if she does call. A neutral, casual greeting should set the tone on your end after she says hello, and then after she says her spiel explain to her something along the lines of "I appreciate you calling, but I'm going to need some time to think things through. I'll give you a call when I'm ready to discuss this etc..." Keep your tone and choice of words in check (not too cool). Then live up to what you say and don't call her until you're ready. Consult with SF before the call again. There's a good chance you won't listen to what's said, but it will give you a chance to rethink whether or not you're ready to talk.



    It fucking sucks, don't it? Just keep in mind that there are always two sides here.


    Pretty much what happened, she calls me last night, I answer like that.

    I tell her that I would like to see her, sit down, have a neutral conversation, and part ways with no animosity. She agreed, we ended up spending two hours talking on the phone : \\

    At the very end I told her I think its best if we dont talk until Wednesday, which is when we are seeing each other, we'll just meet up at the restaurant and go from there.

    I really dont know whats going to happen, she still sounds really unsure about the whole thing... but at this point i'm really ready to just say goodbye, i'm sick of this topsy turvy upside down shit, and I let her know it.

    So yeah...
     


  15. Nil

    Nil Senior member

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    All you guys who are advocating for breaking off contact, do you mean to simply ignore her if she texts/calls?

    Send her a text instead of calling (so you don't get verbal diarrhea and try to start some shit again) with something like this: I don't feel comfortable talking to you right now. My feelings are too raw and I need time away from you. This will be my last contact with you for a long time. Please don't try to contact me anymore.

    This will tell her straight up how it is instead of leading to a host of "why aren't you responding?!" texts and calls.
     


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