I broke up with my gf (general breakup thread)

[APK]

It takes a lot of maturity to view your own relationship through an impartial lens. I've mentioned that I'm capable of great insights on the subject of romantic relationships, but have trouble applying those principle to my own endeavors. An inability to view my relationships through an impartial lens has a lot to do with that.

 

[dfagdfsh]

i also give good advice but in no way can apply it to myself

 

[Gibonius]

Originally Posted by pstoller

First, I don't know how long Mark and his GF were together, but he said they had spoken of marriage and that he thought he was going to spend the rest of his life with her. That, to me, is a bit more than "a dating relationship."

Second, couples therapy isn't just about fixing problems, but determining whether they are fixable. Either way, it can help you to move forward. Now, if they were together for six months and the marriage talk was merely overreaching, then, no, I wouldn't bother seeking professional help. (At least, not as a couple.) But, if they were together a few years and perhaps living together, then, yeah, I'd give it a shot.

Different strokes, I guess. Even if the problems could be "fixed", the fact that you're seeing them at all at that stage in the relationship would be enough for me to bail. It's strongly hinting at deeper problems down the road. Now, if you think your problems may be a one-time thing, you were this close to getting married/engaged, etc, maybe it would be worth it. But for the "yeah we were thinking about getting married, sometime" kind of relationship, I don't see it. Big difference between living together and sorta thinking about marriage and actually getting a ring, setting a date, planning your life together: the stuff you do when you're really ready to get married to something. The level of evaluation you need to put into the relationship is so different between the two situations.

fwiw, I'm married.

 

[HgaleK]

Originally Posted by willpower

Me too. Had to go through a lot of pain to learn these lessons. Yet everybody thinks their situation is unique and an exception to the rule - nope.

+1

I got the advice from here and didn't listen when I should have. It kicked ******.

 

[Joffrey]

Originally Posted by APK

It takes a lot of maturity to view your own relationship through an impartial lens. I've mentioned that I'm capable of great insights on the subject of romantic relationships, but have trouble applying those principle to my own endeavors. An inability to view my relationships through an impartial lens has a lot to do with that.

It's a lot easier to give advice than to live by it.

 

[mellowfellow]

There is a high chance that girlfriend and I may get back together. But right now is not a good time. We can't go back to the way things were and we can't go forward. It hurts to let the girl that you love go. I am just sad that we won't be able to create new memories together.

 

[zissou]

Good luck with it, mellowfellow. It will suck to miss the good memories, but maybe you will notice the not so good memories in time, which will hopefully help you move on with life. If you both realize there were only good memories, then perhaps you will get back together? Now is probably the time to be most honest with yourself as much as it can suck.

Originally Posted by Teger

zissou will you be my advice mentor? PM me!
Haha, are you serious??

Originally Posted by MarkI

The week before all of this went down, she was telling me how much she needed me, how happy she was etc, literally the week before!
'Need' is not a good thing in a relationship. Clearly, she doesn't know what she wants, so it's time to move on.

 

[mellowfellow]

Thanks.

 

[dfagdfsh]

mellowfellow: can you give any more details? was it a life choice/profession thing?

also, go by yourself something nice

 

[zissou]

After my last breakup, I bought myself the 500 Days of Summer DVD

 

[dfagdfsh]

zissou i was serious! will you be my mentor

 

[pstoller]

Originally Posted by Gibonius

Even if the problems could be "fixed", the fact that you're seeing them at all at that stage in the relationship would be enough for me to bail. It's strongly hinting at deeper problems down the road. Now, if you think your problems may be a one-time thing, you were this close to getting married/engaged, etc, maybe it would be worth it. But for the "yeah we were thinking about getting married, sometime" kind of relationship, I don't see it. Big difference between living together and sorta thinking about marriage and actually getting a ring, setting a date, planning your life together: the stuff you do when you're really ready to get married to something. The level of evaluation you need to put into the relationship is so different between the two situations.

fwiw, I'm married.

I'm married as well. I've never needed outside help in my marriage, but I did go through counseling with a long-term GF. Obviously, it didn't save our romantic relationship, but we did emerge with a better relationship than we had (we're still friends) and a better handle on relationships in general for the future (I learned things that have been valuable in my marriage). So, was it "worth it?" It was for me. My perspective, as I've said before, is that a relationship that doesn't end in marriage is not necessarily a failure; likewise, counseling that does not keep a couple together is not necessarily a failure.

As it pertains to Mark, right now he appears to be wondering what happened and why. If he could get the answers to those questions, and perhaps learn strategies for how to avoid/avert such problems in the future, that would be invaluable regardless of any other outcome. Whether counseling would constitute overkill for this relationship (or simply shutting the barn door after the horses have gone) is something he and his (ex-)GF can decide for themselves.

 

[fuji]

Called it quits with crazy girl. After taking her out for lunch, spending about $100 on her on drinks and expensive little pastries and bringing her punting and just having her act like a ***** and try to get me to buy drugs the whole time and saying how **** me taking her out is. I told her I can't do this any more, she's too emotional draining and is making me feel like **** and I don't want to see her any more. She's sending me some crazy messages on fb, just not gonna reply, I can't take her craziness any more. Also she was saying she doesn't think we should ******** any more and as that was an important factor of the relationship so it couldn't have lasted long after that. Ill get some crazy **** from her in about 2 weeks saying how depressed she is, ***** needs to cheer up. She's been refusing medication and therapy for the last few months and she's just gone off the rails.

 

[randallr]

Originally Posted by edinatlanta

So...I broke up with the girl we were still cool talking and ****.

Well March 3 or something was the first time we met and she left me a really nice card about all thank you for being in my life and ****. St. Patricks was when we became bf and gf or whatever.

So last Friday rolls around and I get a text and she's all....so my nosy coworker was asking about you.

I said "howd that happen" "She wanted to know why I don't get flowers anymore" "Is that your way of subtly asking for more flowers

" "No which is why I almost didn't mention it but something did bother me about it" "what bothered you I was joking"

Remember...we broke up: "Well you didn't acknowledge either of our anniversaries".

I texted her and was like I'm sorry I meant nothing by it blah blah blah she goes "but you didn't say or do anything" and I just let it die.

Going to text her later be like "left my charger @ work and phone died" because I just don't know how to tell someone gently that I was unaware you had to acknowledge anniversaries when you break up with someone

Who in their right mind would want you this bad?

 

[mellowfellow]

Originally Posted by zissou

After my last breakup, I bought myself the 500 Days of Summer DVD

Lol the week before we broke up I bought her that movie. It was one of her favorites.