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I broke up with my gf (general breakup thread)

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Matt, Dec 21, 2008.

  1. hendrix

    hendrix Senior member

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    She does, but in a completely selfish way. I've been on the receiving, and i'm ashamed to say giving end of these types of things.

    She misses you but not enough to actually want to get back together or really have anything to do with you, she just wants to satisfy her insecurities/ego/need to be wanted.

    I know it sounds cynical, and she certainly isn't thinking like that, but it's the truth.
     
  2. lasbar

    lasbar Senior member

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    She feels safe in his company and is keeping him on a mental back burner status...

    If she is coming back with you , it will be for selfish reasons..

    Friendship with an ex can work when both parties have decided to let it go...
     
  3. hendrix

    hendrix Senior member

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    Do you think this way when you meet a cool guy who's tastes are similar to yours?

    "Man, we should really develop our friendship! I know, maybe i'll get him tickets to the game on the weekend!"

    Let it go man. When you bump into each other in a few years you'll be friends. Otherwise oh well, you shouldnt have to work on friendships anyway.
     
  4. gettoasty

    gettoasty Senior member

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    Got it

    I think am a bit depressed being alone again, not necessarily b/c of not being with HER.

    I am going to have to say if she ever brought up getting back together, i would in general agree to it. :foo: i have my own selfish reasons too right????


    GL to you APK! to the best for both of us
     
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2011
  5. APK

    APK Senior member

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    These things take a while. Certainly longer than a month of no communication, even though I'm sure that month felt like an eternity.


    Absolutely this. Her and I both know it. She's totally there. I feel like I'm almost there most of the time. "Almost" and "most of the time" aren't good enough for something like this, though.

    A friendship with an ex is different than a friendship with anyone else. If the relationship was serious enough, most people can't transition over to being friends right away. They're two different beasts. That is why I view it as "building." If we're to be platonic friends, then the foundation for that can't really be our history as a couple.

    That is why we barely spoke for several months after we broke up and no longer had to see each other (work obligations in the months immediately after the breakup prevented that all-too-important clean break). It's also why I went five or six months on top of that without any communication with her at all. We started talking again regularly after that and for a while, I viewed her as strictly as a friend. I still cared about her, but I carried on with my own business and she with hers. The problem is that at some point, dormant feelings resurfaced on my end. And so, communication again is off the table.

    I'm fortunate in the sense that she hasn't played games about this. I see a lot of guys in here talking about their exes sending mixed signals after the breakup. This girl is more about me focusing on my passions in life than dwelling on anything that was or could be with her.
     
  6. RustyRyan

    RustyRyan Senior member

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    Sound like a lot of us are in the same boat! I have been communicating and even hanging out with my ex for about the last month on a strictly platonic level. Her interest in me seemed to grow when she found out I was dating two other people and she has not been dating. She said she is genuinely confused and liked the idea of getting back together but is 'scared" and not ready for it. As much as I would like to get back together it is clear she has some issues to work out and I am not ready to put all my eggs in that basket again until she shows me she really wants it and is past some of our past issues. I have to agree that a pure friendship between us is impossible at this point...I probably would/will be upset if she starts seeing someone else. Not sure what to make of it all, but I feel a hell of a lot better than I did a when we broke up....
     
  7. poena

    poena Senior member

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    you hit it on the head.
    the being scared and not wanting to put all my eggs into a basket, past issues and all that. I have talked to my ex and we both mentioned the same things you said here.

    it's really hard to keep a clear head with all of this. it's so easy to slip back into "routine"
     
  8. gettoasty

    gettoasty Senior member

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    Yeah I guess about 1 month or a little more is not long to have stopped talking to ex.

    6+ months SOUNDS like forever . . . damn. Making me rethink if i should be sending out the package to her. It does contain her things. Maybe after I send it out it will be OFFICIAL

    And I thought I was doing well not picking up her call/text and email all this time.

    Stay strong all!
     
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2011
  9. Joffrey

    Joffrey Senior member

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    You genuinely believe you two will share custody of a dog for the next 12-15 years of its life? Tell her to keep the beast.
     
  10. gettoasty

    gettoasty Senior member

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    if i had my way, i would be keeping the pup. personal attachment, i think dog owners in general can relate
     
  11. impolyt_one

    impolyt_one Senior member

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    You gotta decide who takes the dog. Paper rock scissors or something. Can't move dogs around like that, they don't know what's going on.
     
  12. gettoasty

    gettoasty Senior member

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    impolyt with all your wisdom, i knew you would comment on that. what would you do? (rhetorical, you don't have to answer :embar:)

    You are absolutely right about the whole moving back and forth thing. Even though we live like 10min driving, the former plan was to have the dog stay at our respective homes every other month. I think at this point, putting the dog first would be best. Have him stay somewhere more permanent.
     
  13. impolyt_one

    impolyt_one Senior member

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    If you the want the dog and can provide a home for it permanently, then you can say you want the dog. If she can provide a home for the dog permanently, then she also gets a say. I know you're a student, or were one recently, are you living in a permanent place? In any case, you gotta decide between the two of you who has the better setup for keeping a dog until it's last day, and then if it's still not clear cut, you gotta flip a coin or something, and let it ride.
     
  14. Eason

    Eason Senior member

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    I don't date crazies, this usually includes Muslims.
     
  15. lasbar

    lasbar Senior member

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    Racist..
     
  16. otc

    otc Senior member

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    ftfy
     
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2011
  17. lasbar

    lasbar Senior member

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    Hypocrit.
     
  18. dune

    dune Senior member

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    No religious people for me either, to be honest.
     
  19. Connemara

    Connemara Senior member

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    Ugh. I've been hanging out with this girl who is totally not my usual type. Tattoos, short hair, into weird poetry readings and shit like that. We've hung out five, maybe six times (the last few have included sex) and I have come to find out that she is desperately insecure and has no self-esteem. If I don't respond to a text within 15 minutes, she'll say, "Did I offend you? I am so sorry. What's wrong with me." She is constantly apologizing for perceived slights. And she always says stuff like "I can't believe someone as great as you is interested in me. I'm so lucky, I am not used to this," etc.

    So yeah she is pretty much nuts. And I don't feel the spark anymore. I am going to a quick dinner with her, and then to a performance of which she is a part. I think I need to let her down easy tonight but I feel terrible about it because she is so sensitive. Any recommendations?
     
  20. lasbar

    lasbar Senior member

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    You're in the shit...

    Insecure, low self-esteem and being dumped is not great omen for this over-sensitive EMO.

    Are you ready for a night in ER with her?
     

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