I broke up with my gf (general breakup thread)

[kungapa]

Originally Posted by MarkI

Pretty much what happened, she calls me last night, I answer like that.

I tell her that I would like to see her, sit down, have a neutral conversation, and part ways with no animosity. She agreed, we ended up spending two hours talking on the phone : \\

At the very end I told her I think its best if we dont talk until Wednesday, which is when we are seeing each other, we'll just meet up at the restaurant and go from there.

I really dont know whats going to happen, she still sounds really unsure about the whole thing... but at this point i'm really ready to just say goodbye, i'm sick of this topsy turvy upside down ****, and I let her know it.

So yeah...

Wow - you just don't learn, do you.

I foresee this meeting ending in not too dissimilar terms as your last meeting. Please prove me wrong.

 

[MarkI]

Originally Posted by kungapa

Wow - you just don't learn, do you.

I foresee this meeting ending in not too dissimilar terms as your last meeting. Please prove me wrong.

If her intentions arent to get back together, or at least try to make this thing work, I really am going to say goodbye, and walk away, perhaps verbally tell her what Nil just posted.

But thats really the only reason im doing this, I want some sense of ******* closure and finality.

 

[unjung]

Originally Posted by MarkI

Pretty much what happened, she calls me last night, I answer like that.

I tell her that I would like to see her, sit down, have a neutral conversation, and part ways with no animosity. She agreed, we ended up spending two hours talking on the phone : \\

At the very end I told her I think its best if we dont talk until Wednesday, which is when we are seeing each other, we'll just meet up at the restaurant and go from there.

I really dont know whats going to happen, she still sounds really unsure about the whole thing... but at this point i'm really ready to just say goodbye, i'm sick of this topsy turvy upside down ****, and I let her know it.

So yeah...

If you meet up with her, you will be balls deep within an hour. I spent my late teens and early twenties with the same girl, and we tried to break up at least half a dozen times, going so far as to not talk for up to four months. We just kept falling back together, because I let her talk to me. Cut it off. Delete her number, try to forget it, ban her from your FB, etc. It's the best way to start to move on.

And trust me, at 19, by pining after the same girl, all you're doing is wasting time that would be better spent chasing fresh tail. You'll never get those years back. The more girls you meet, the more likely you eventually find one that you actually want to be with forever. But at 19, you have no idea what that is.

 

[HgaleK]

Originally Posted by MarkI

Pretty much what happened, she calls me last night, I answer like that.

**** yes- it's done, and you've actually come out of this on top. As petty as it is, you get to move on with your life knowing that is has ended on your terms! It only took a million people saying it and calling the whole thing play by play, but we have success! Hell, you could get back together with her on good terms in a year from now if you play your cards right when you go to talk to her in a few weeks! **** I wish I'd done this!

I tell her that I would like to see her, sit down, have a neutral conversation, and part ways with no animosity.

Wait... You're kidding right? Remember what I told you about meeting in person. Look wtf happened with a telephone call.

She agreed, we ended up spending two hours talking on the phone : \\

I don't mean to sound rude, but no ****, sherlock.

At the very end I told her I think its best if we dont talk until Wednesday, which is when we are seeing each other, we'll just meet up at the restaurant and go from there.

DUDE!?!!?!?! We'll start with the language. That's not "this is over until I say it isn't over" language. That's some bullshit wishy washy, I don't know what I want, gonna get fucked over during the course of the next several weeks language. If you really had to meet her, you end with "I'll see you Wednesday at *time*, good night."

Next: why a ******* restaurant? While you may be the exception to the rule (we seem to have ruled this one out though) this seems like a ******* awful choice. If she gets pissed then you get embarrassed. Yall may get uncomfortable and then it ends awkwardly. Or, more likely at this point, you run your mouth about how you'll miss and cherish all of the wonderful times you've had and similar ****. This ends either with you hating yourself for acting like a *****, or the two of you getting dessert, going out for a walk, holding hands, and then an eventual explosion similar to that time that she called. Then the cycle repeats itself until she gets sick of it and nuts up and goes. The fresh pain that you felt while in the bottle at 6AM comes back every single time, and then runs you over like a train when it's over for good. You don't want this.

I really dont know whats going to happen, she still sounds really unsure about the whole thing... but at this point i'm really ready to just say goodbye, i'm sick of this topsy turvy upside down ****, and I let her know it.

So yeah...

No you aren't. You would have ended it over the phone, or over texts (************* did the same **** to you- how's that for karmic justice). Instead you made an excuse to see her again in an intimate environment so that you get to pretend that **** isn't going wrong and you can accidentally **** up so that you get your relationship fix before it explodes again.

I'd wait for dudes who know what they're doing to mention, but I'd drop her a TEXT saying something along the lines of "I'm sorry to cancel on you, but I realized today that I'm going to need some time to figure things out before we speak again. I'll let you know when I'm ready etc."

Good luck dude.

 

[MarkI]

Look, I know what you're saying is correct.

Fact of the matter is, I know she is not 100% set on leaving me, I just know this, she's not entirely ready to rule me out of her life completely, which she knows is what is going to happen.

I know I come out on top, I don't plan on acting like a *****, or fighting, we had that long conversation on the phone it was very pleasant, we just spoke.

I'm just going to say goodbye, and walk out on her, and leave her sitting there wondering "what if..."

 

[gort]

If the only thing you're planning on doing is saying goodbye there's no reason to plan this whole big "I win" moment where you walk out on her in a public place. I understand you probably feel the need to feel like the "winner" here in some regard, as most of us probably behaved that way when we were 19, but be the bigger person here. You'll probably regret pulling something like that later. I know I can say I regret I handled things with exes when I was in college. I was a dick. Wish I wasn't. It still troubles me sometimes to this day how ****** I treated some girls I dated when I was in college, and how I handled things like breakups.

 

[shellshock]

Originally Posted by MarkI

Look, I know what you're saying is correct.

Fact of the matter is, I know she is not 100% set on leaving me, I just know this, she's not entirely ready to rule me out of her life completely, which she knows is what is going to happen.

I know I come out on top, I don't plan on acting like a *****, or fighting, we had that long conversation on the phone it was very pleasant, we just spoke.

I'm just going to say goodbye, and walk out on her, and leave her sitting there wondering "what if..."

REALLY, what is the point???? all these games and "shes not 100% set on leaving me" ****. What is that about? Why would you let someone toy with you like that???

If it was "meant to be" or whatever, you could both spend time apart which means no talking texting, etc, and figure out how you REALLY feel, and not how you think you feel in this clusterfuck of an emotional rollercoaster. You keep saying that you want to end it/walk away, but you don't seem to have the balls to just go through with it. Stop being weak and afraid of being alone. You just have to get back into a routine that you're not used to (i.e before you were together and before you got in the habit of talking to her regularly, etc blah blah). You can do it. Or you can admit your're at her mercy right now and would do anything to get back with her cus thats how it seems.

 

[HgaleK]

Originally Posted by MarkI

Look, I know what you're saying is correct.

Fact of the matter is, I know she is not 100% set on leaving me, I just know this, she's not entirely ready to rule me out of her life completely, which she knows is what is going to happen.

I know I come out on top, I don't plan on acting like a *****, or fighting, we had that long conversation on the phone it was very pleasant, we just spoke.

I'm just going to say goodbye, and walk out on her, and leave her sitting there wondering "what if..."

Dawg, you won't leave her wondering "what if..." that leaves her thinking "What a ******* douchebag. I'm glad his ass is gone." This is childish. You'll hate yourself for it in a few weeks if not immediately after. Don't do it.

 

[MarkI]

She is going to be even more pissed if I cancel on her, she hates that ****.

Why is she going to hate me? I want to end this.

 

[HgaleK]

Originally Posted by MarkI

She is going to be even more pissed if I cancel on her, she hates that ****.

Why is she going to hate me? I want to end this.

Walking out on a chick is not a way to get her to like you.

I have no clue what you're supposed to do now. There really aren't any options left that allow yall to end on good terms. For now, don't call, text, answer calls, or answer texts from her. Period. You'll just dig yourself deeper at this point.

 

[Dakota rube]

Originally Posted by HgaleK

You'll just dig yourself deeper at this point.

****.
He's about one shovelful from the center of the earth now!

C'mon, MarkI. Stop punishing yourself.
Do not communicate with this woman any more.

 

[wootx]

This is getting epic lol

 

[HgaleK]

Originally Posted by Dakota rube

****.
He's about one shovelful from the center of the earth now!

C'mon, MarkI. Stop punishing yourself.
Do not communicate with this woman any more.

I made it to China and back before I learned

Mark, comrade, seriously chill with the phone until critical consensus is reached.

 

[ysc]

MarkI - Be sensible and stop talking to her/seeing her now. Be polite and nice about it, but you need a clean break maintained for some time. I went though a tough break a while ago, some of which I posted on here. I Got the advice you are getting now, didn't follow it quickly enough. Flip-Flopped like you are clearly doing. Eventually followed it and it was better. Details below if you are interested.

I went through a really tough breakup when I left university. I went on a break with my girlfriend of more than three years, we loved each other but circumstances really fucked our relationship up. It turned into more than a break. I posted about it on here and the advice I received was fairly similar to what you have been hearing, I did not follow it. Instead of cutting things off as cleanly as possible I kept talking to her both because I valued her as a friend, and because I thought maybe, maybe, it would work out. I kept flip-flopping in the same way you are clearly doing, your posts more or less mirror exactly what I was doing although mine was over a longer period of time.

Not following the advice was a big mistake, but it took me a long time to realise that. Constantly being there for her like some kind of spaniel did not make her more likely to want to get back together with me, and the constant communication made me pretty bitter after a while and I started getting fairly petty. We both ended up thinking the other was being petty and playing games, really we were just both hurting.

I Eventually I more or less cut of communication. When we did end up talking I told her that I couldn't talk to her for a while because it wasn't doing me any good, and I stuck to that. It took me more than a year to get over it, and I still haven't fully, but it would have been a lot quicker had I stopped talking to her earlier on. All of the "healing" that went on, and the return to normal life was after I forced myself to stop talking to her.

We are friends now, there have been some complications, but we talk now like normal people. If I had followed the advice people on this board gave me, advice very very similar to what you are getting now, I would have been happier faster and I think the girl and I would have been able to be friends again faster.

Don't cut off communication or "walk away" to score points, or in the hope that she will want to get back together with you. Be mature and kind about it, and do it because it is the best thing for you, and probably both of you in the long run. It is really hard, but it is what you have to do.

 

[West24]

you need to neg her hard bro.