How to walk, stand, sit and interact like a confident gentleman?

[nordicstyle]

Seeing as most people here put a great deal of thought into how they dress, I'm wondering how conscious you are about your posture and how you walk, stand, sit, etc.

As you all probably know, non-verbal communication and our body language has huge impact on how we are perceived by other people. Assuming you dress to impress, I would also think you would want to behave to impress, or at least not embarrass yourself (or others).

I know this is a big topic, and it's often easier to explain what not to do than what to do (i.e. don't stand with arms crossed, don't touch your face, etc.), but I'm looking for examples (preferably pictures) of people with good postures who are standing or sitting in natural-looking positions while waiting, talking or otherwise interacting with other people.

Note that I'm not looking for models posing for the camera. What I'm after are pictures of "real" people in natural situations, simply looking relaxed and comfortable. Any thoughts (i.e. words) on the topic are of course also welcome. Anything to help me appear more self-condifent and with better style will help.

References to movies or movie characters (i.e. someone I can view "in action") are also good.

I'll kick off the thread with a couple of specifics I'm having trouble with myself:

1) When I'm just standing around (i.e. waiting for the bus or waiting for someone I'm meeting), I always find it difficult to know what to do with my hands. I will almost automatically put them in my pockets or cross my arms, but I no neither of these are very elegant or "open" (crossing your arms can be interprented a "hostile" or "closed" non-verbal signal in many situations).

2) When I'm sitting in a meeting or similar, talking to people across the table from me, I have a tendency to put my elbows on the table and/or lean my head in my palm. I'm not comfortable with it, but it's an established "bad habit" as I don't know what else to do. Keeping my hands laying flat on the table seems a bit odd also.

3) What do you do with your hands when you are talking to someone but you are not gesticulating/showing anything? I know some people always thinks it's better to use their hands actively when talking, but I have seen many let this go too far (i.e. always waving with their hands, not matter what they are talking about, which seems a bit odd). This situation is also interesting when you have a drink/bottle in your hand (i.e. at a party).

 

[Lear]

I'd say that Sean Connery has great posture/gait. Up close, there's a real menace about him, that doesn't really show in the movies. So, maybe not such a great posture, if you want to stay alive

Whenever I see the actor Steven Segal on the television, I'm struck by how unusual his posture/gait is. I don't quite know what to make of it. When walking, he leans back from the waist, the opposite of what many a thuggish brute would do. Quite strange, but at the same time unique.

I personally feel that it's all about owning your posture. Not feeling the need to 'puff' yourself up, and become something you're not. I'd say that relaxation and confidence are the key.

Also great posture - Cary Grant.

Lear

 

[Dakota rube]

Many gentlemen around here keep their posture straight by inserting a large stick far, far up their asses.

 

[Taxler]

Originally Posted by nordicstyle

... When I'm just standing around (i.e. waiting for the bus or waiting for someone I'm meeting), I always find it difficult to know what to do with my hands....

I keep one hand on my wallet when I'm riding the bus.

 

[voxsartoria]

Originally Posted by Dakota rube

Many gentlemen around here keep their posture straight by inserting a large stick far, far up their asses.

+ 1. This is what works for me.


- B

 

[nordicstyle]

Originally Posted by voxsartoria

+ 1. This is what works for me.

Well, there is a truth to it. After all, there's a fine balance between being self-confident and over-confident and bloated

 

[bigbris1]

It comes naturally. My wife used to call me conceited when I was dressed. Now she knows me.

 

[koolhistorian]

Whenever I see the actor Steven Segal on the television, I'm struck by how unusual his posture/gait is. I don't quite know what to make of it. When walking, he leans back from the waist, the opposite of what many a thuggish brute would do. Quite strange, but at the same time unique.

/QUOTE]

It is called haragei, comes from the martial arts practice!

 

[koolhistorian]

Well, after discussing Steven Segal, let's answer the OP questions:
When standing, alone in the street - put something in your hands - as an umbrella or or a bag, you will be less tempted to put your hands in the pocket. If still tempted, use your jacket pockets, not the pants pockets - look at the actual PoW (Charles), he is doing that very good.
When standing in a room, and talking to another person, it might be the problem of having a larger personal space than others (you need more distance towards your interlocutor than others), so you feel aggressed and thus the need for a defensive stance. Just try to take back a half of step back (not very rushed) and see how it works. Also, in social contexts - parties, bars, clubs, etc. - having a glass in your hand can give you something to do and goes with good posture.
At the table, there is one rule - no elbows on the table ! In meetings or in a restaurant, take also some centimeters of distance and you can also cross your legs, it will give you enough distance from the table that it will dissuade you from putting your elbows on the plank. In business meetings, take a small notebook and a pen and jottle - it will give you an "concerned about" air!
The secret is to do that naturally, without being seen as stiff (or the stick in the above mentioned orifice), it takes some practice, and you should do it without muscular cramps. Or take it the hard way - one volume of Encyclopedia Britannica on your head, one under each arm, and start moving around the house (Larousse is working also for the francophone community)! Even moving around with the Britannica on the DVD on your head will create posture!

 

[yachtie]

Originally Posted by Dakota rube

Many gentlemen around here keep their posture straight by inserting a large stick far, far up their asses.

Originally Posted by voxsartoria

+ 1. This is what works for me.


- B

I really should have been following this thread.

 

[Threadbearer]

Originally Posted by koolhistorian

When standing, alone in the street - put something in your hands - as an umbrella or or a bag, you will be less tempted to put your hands in the pocket.
I see nothing wrong with putting one's hands in one's pockets. Seems to work for this chap.

If still tempted, use your jacket pockets, not the pants pockets - look at the actual PoW (Charles), he is doing that very good.

I respectfully disagree on this. Princes may do as they wish, but the rest of us would do well to consider what will happen to the shape of our jackets if we place our hands in their pockets.

having a glass in your hand can give you something to do and goes with good posture.

Now you're talkin'.

At the table, there is one rule - no elbows on the table !

I must again disagree. That rule only applies while people are actually eating.

Originally Posted by Dakota rube

Many gentlemen around here keep their posture straight by inserting a large stick far, far up their asses.
This truly is the most effective solution.

 

[penguin vic]

Originally Posted by Threadbearer

I see nothing wrong with putting one's hands in one's pockets. Seems to work for this chap.

+1

Originally Posted by Threadbearer

I respectfully disagree on this. Princes may do as they wish, but the rest of us would do well to consider what will happen to the shape of our jackets if we place our hands in their pockets.

+2 I also find it a little odd looking to have hands in jacket pockets but that may just be me.

 

[Doc4]

First, I'd suggest you take up a martial art (or other similar non-martial art like Tai Chi) that focuses on training the body to make it do exactly what you want. I'm not talking about fighting-focused

stuff but more traditional, kata-focused martial arts. This will help you a lot with your posture and movement.

You can watch movies to see examples of how our pillars of cool style & grace move & deport themselves. Cary Grant is an obvious choice there, as mentioned, and I'm sure a lot of others will be mentioned ... but for my money ... it's hard to do better than John Wayne. No, seriously. He's a man who moves gracefully, and finds a way to make "moving gracefully" a macho thing, not a pansy thing.

 

[nordicstyle]

Originally Posted by koolhistorian

Well, after discussing Steven Segal, let's answer the OP questions:
When standing, alone in the street - put something in your hands - as an umbrella or or a bag, you will be less tempted to put your hands in the pocket. If still tempted, use your jacket pockets, not the pants pockets - look at the actual PoW (Charles), he is doing that very good.
When standing in a room, and talking to another person, it might be the problem of having a larger personal space than others (you need more distance towards your interlocutor than others), so you feel aggressed and thus the need for a defensive stance. Just try to take back a half of step back (not very rushed) and see how it works. Also, in social contexts - parties, bars, clubs, etc. - having a glass in your hand can give you something to do and goes with good posture.
At the table, there is one rule - no elbows on the table ! In meetings or in a restaurant, take also some centimeters of distance and you can also cross your legs, it will give you enough distance from the table that it will dissuade you from putting your elbows on the plank. In business meetings, take a small notebook and a pen and jottle - it will give you an "concerned about" air!
The secret is to do that naturally, without being seen as stiff (or the stick in the above mentioned orifice), it takes some practice, and you should do it without muscular cramps. Or take it the hard way - one volume of Encyclopedia Britannica on your head, one under each arm, and start moving around the house (Larousse is working also for the francophone community)! Even moving around with the Britannica on the DVD on your head will create posture!

Thanks. That's some useful advice. I can see how holding an umbrella or a bag/briefcase can solve the problem, but for me the problem typically arises when I'm standing around in a situation when I don't have anything to hold on to. Also, if you study people talking while holding a glass/bottle at a party, you may notice that some look very natural while others look just odd. I'm trying to figure out what they are doing different, but I'm having a hard time pinpointing it.

Originally Posted by penguin vic

+2 I also find it a little odd looking to have hands in jacket pockets but that may just be me.

I think that's highly dependent on jacket type. If the jacket has slanted (or even vertical) pockets it can look OK, but for typical horizontal pockets (like on dressier jackets), I think it looks a bit odd. I think this is one of the reasons why slanted pockets are considered less formal than horizontal ones, because you are not supposed to put your hands in your pockets when wearing formal/dressy clothing.

 

[nordicstyle]

Originally Posted by Doc4

First, I'd suggest you take up a martial art (or other similar non-martial art like Tai Chi) that focuses on training the body to make it do exactly what you want. I'm not talking about fighting-focused

stuff but more traditional, kata-focused martial arts. This will help you a lot with your posture and movement.

This is actually one of the reasons (among many others) I have considered training tai-chi or wushu (kung fu). I just started training some "casual" boxing (i.e. no fighting, but learning the basic skills of how to stand, move and hit, and also it's great cardio exercise). I think it also helps on the body awareness issue.

Originally Posted by Doc4

You can watch movies to see examples of how our pillars of cool style & grace move & deport themselves. Cary Grant is an obvious choice there, as mentioned, and I'm sure a lot of others will be mentioned ... but for my money ... it's hard to do better than John Wayne. No, seriously. He's a man who moves gracefully, and finds a way to make "moving gracefully" a macho thing, not a pansy thing.

Yeah. I'm also impressed by how Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, Clint Eastwood, Charles Bronson and Bruce Willis are/were able to look comfortable and manly in pretty much any type of situation (at least in the movies). I have no clue how they do it though...