How to treat your woman

Discussion in 'Social Life, Food & Drink, Travel' started by Toiletduck, Jan 15, 2007.

  1. Toiletduck

    Toiletduck Senior member

    Messages:
    2,547
    Likes Received:
    7
    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2006
    Got this off facebook...haha

    How to treat your woman

    Description:\t
    1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "Could be better." This will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

    2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness.
    (Or--if she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are)

    3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

    4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is say "You better be." Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

    5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.

    6. Recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most. Then--when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because jewelry is for wussies.

    7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure shes looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words "F*ck you" and grab the other girls ass.
    Girls love competition.

    8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because I can."

    9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick." Women love those special nicknames.

    10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

    11. Warm she up when shes cold...and not by giving her your jacket... then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "If you don't stop bitching about the cold right now you're going to be bitching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.

    12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the parties dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

    13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet...kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?

    14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things...like basketball.

    15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

    16. If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

    17. Every time youre in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair.
    This way she'll go crazy.

    18. Take her out to dinner. Right when shes about to order interrupt and say "No, shes not hungry." Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

    19. Look her in the eyes and smile...then clock her one. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

    20. Give her one of your t-shirts......and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell...a bad smell. You know what Im talking about.

    21. When its raining keep asking her if shes crying. She'll say "No, its just the rain." Ten minutes later turn to her and just scream "Stop crying you f*cking baby!" Girls like a tough man as I've already stated.

    22. Titty twisters...and plenty of them.

    23. If you're listening to music and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.

    24. Two words...Dutch oven.

    25. Remember her birthday but don't get her anything. Teach her material objects arent important. The only thing thats important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

    26. If shes mad at you for not calling her when you say you will promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call youre going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really excited. Now dont call.

    27. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then, next time you know she's coming over on a trash day, leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one that much but I think it's funny.

    28. when you are walking and holding her hand (remember to squeeze tight!) lead her into mud puddles, ice patches, and anything else that will get her shoes dirty.

    29.When you take her to a movie have her go into the theater while you go to the bathroom, but dont go back to the movie she went to, go to a different one. After the movie, find her in the hall and blame her for moving theaters on you.
     


  2. tallguy1337

    tallguy1337 Active Member

    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2007
    I got to the second bit of "advice"...and this goes against everything ive ever read and experienced...and I repeat, I got to statement #2....

    EDIT- I skimmed back over another note about breaking her jewelry, which poses the question:

    Did you mean this thread as a joke? Because you will get B*T*H slapped. Garunteed
     


  3. EL72

    EL72 Senior member

    Messages:
    6,860
    Likes Received:
    3
    Joined:
    May 11, 2006
    Location:
    Toronto
    Lame. Not funny...[​IMG]
     


  4. ghulkhan

    ghulkhan Senior member

    Messages:
    3,198
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2006
    Location:
    nyc
    haha it sjsut suppopsed to be funny not serious..im pretty sure
     


  5. skalogre

    skalogre Senior member

    Messages:
    6,324
    Likes Received:
    1
    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2006
    Fucking hell people, this is a only joke - has been going around for a while IIRC, too. I mean, even if it were not taken from elsewhere, it is obvious that it is composed of hyperbole, bad advice and non-sequitur statements. Hence something of a comedic nature.

    P.s.
    "15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit." - lol
     


  6. ghulkhan

    ghulkhan Senior member

    Messages:
    3,198
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2006
    Location:
    nyc
    Fucking hell people, this is a joke - has been going around for a while. I mean, even if it were not taken from elsewhere, it is obvious that it is composed of hyperbole, bad advice and non-sequitur statemenst. Hence something of a comedic nature.
    haha exactly
     


  7. dusty

    dusty Senior member

    Messages:
    4,859
    Likes Received:
    20
    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2005
    Location:
    ohio
    To offset the haters in this thread: this is hilarious.
     


  8. tallguy1337

    tallguy1337 Active Member

    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2007
    Sorry about the hatin', I was in serious mode... Now that I see its a joke, It's actually funny
     


  9. EL72

    EL72 Senior member

    Messages:
    6,860
    Likes Received:
    3
    Joined:
    May 11, 2006
    Location:
    Toronto
    I obviously know it's meant to be humorous. I just happen to think it fails miserably on that count. Just my opionion. If you get a kick out it, great! Knock yourselves out, there's no hatin' on my part.
     


  10. odoreater

    odoreater Senior member

    Messages:
    8,739
    Likes Received:
    43
    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2005
    Location:
    Elizabethtown
    I obviously know it's meant to be humorous. I just happen to think it fails miserably on that count. Just my opionion. If you get a kick out it, great! Knock yourselves out, there's no hatin' on my part.

    I second this opinion. It's quite obvious that it's supposed to be a joke, it's just not that funny as far as jokes go.
     


  11. Mute

    Mute Senior member

    Messages:
    1,112
    Likes Received:
    52
    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2004
    Location:
    L.A.
    Should actually be labeled, "How to get your severed head put on a pike."
     


  12. MrRogers

    MrRogers Senior member

    Messages:
    339
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2006
    Some of these are really funny.

    I dont see how some can hate on this thread but laugh at the pic of jesus on a cross and a bunch of hicks spelling out YMCA

    MrR
     


  13. Toiletduck

    Toiletduck Senior member

    Messages:
    2,547
    Likes Received:
    7
    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2006
    I guess I just have a sick sense of humor [​IMG].....

    btw I do not condone the YMCA pic...but I laughed anyway...[​IMG]
     


  14. kronik

    kronik Senior member

    Messages:
    3,944
    Likes Received:
    4
    Joined:
    May 2, 2006
    Location:
    Arlington, VA


  15. wEstSidE

    wEstSidE Senior member

    Messages:
    1,666
    Likes Received:
    16
    Joined:
    May 21, 2006
    fuck dat i'l smak a ho.
     


Share This Page

Styleforum is proudly sponsored by