How to politely discuss a FAULT in your S.O.?

[longskate88]

Originally Posted by Brad

I hope I'm not stepping over the line here, but just how big is she? Is she so big that you find her repulsive? If yes, a month of eating right and drinking less isn't likely to make her more attractive to you.

Not repulsive, just not that attractive...she's half-hispanic, 5'4" or so. My last GF was 5'3" and 110, so I'm probably not giving her a fair chance here. She might be 140-150? I'm not good at guessing weights.

The worst part is that she has a "gut," probably from the drinking. Her legs and arms are just a bit more than thick, but her stomach is what turns me off.

 

[borderline]

Originally Posted by Brad

I hope I'm not stepping over the line here, but just how big is she?

Are you saying this thread is worthless without photos?

 

[Brad]

Originally Posted by borderline

Are you saying this thread is worthless without photos?

Possibly.

 

[longskate88]

See if this link works...I'm bored at work. She's shorter than the pictured woman, so a little smaller dimensions overall, dark skin, and long black hair

http://images.inmagine.com/img/pixla...4/px164072.jpg

 

[Brad]

Originally Posted by longskate88

See if this link works...I'm bored at work. She's shorter than the pictured woman, so a little smaller dimensions overall

http://images.inmagine.com/img/pixla...4/px164072.jpg


nvm

 

[longskate88]

Nevermind how?

 

[Brad]

Nevermind, like I can't tell you what to think about ^ that. Everyone is attracted to different things.

 

[TheFusilliJerry]

we have to see HER!

 

[indesertum]

Just ask her to work out with you and then go run for 1~2 hour every day on the treadmill if it's too hot outside or outside if it's not. Make sure you eat together and make sure when you do that both of you eat fruits and veggies as a primary source of carbs (like a large bowl full) rather than grains, literally a handful of lean meat at every meal, and some nuts and make sure you eat salmon once a week. Cut out bad snacking (cookies, muffins, candy, candy bars, ice cream, too much dried fruit and nuts) and eat plain yogurt or cottage cheese (I like mine with dill, some chopped nuts, and some black pepper -__-; ) with some fruit instead between lunch and dinner and dinner and before you sleep. I think it would be less awkward if you do this first and ask her to join you as a way to help you be more healthy rather than as a way to keep her healthy.

 

[Lel]

You are not a douchebag. Shallow? Maybe. But aren't we all? At least you're being honest about it. You LIKE her. You enjoy being around her. You can't help it that you're not physically attractive to her.

My suggestion is to learn to cook, and cook often when together. Cook healthy meals.

Also pick up new hobbies to do together. It doesn't even have to be straightforward. If you learn to enjoy stuff like hiking, camping, biking, etc. then weight loss will just be an added benefit of your new hobby.

And if anything else, just be open about it. But direct, but soft. Be very careful of your wording, I would advise going to your female friends to ask about the wording on this. It's an incredibly delicate subject but it's not just a vanity issue but can also be a health issue. Plus you already find her beautiful on the inside and in the end that's what counts most.

 

[jkennett]

You're only 21... and this girl is great, but you're not physically attracted to her. That would make her great "friend" material. That's the eventuality in my opinion. Work on improving your self-confidence and go for women who you find physically attractive and who you don't feel need to change a damned thing to be with you... In fact go for a girl who completely outclasses you intellectually and physically. That has always been my standard, and I've done damned well with it.

These diet/exercise plans are great.... for a married couple who've been together for years and she's changed a bit for the worse over time. But, this is not the case with you. I'd follow my previous advice before you get caught up trying to change this girl into something that she isn't just to make you happy. It's not fair to her or your self. My .02 cents.

 

[Brad]

Originally Posted by jkennett

You're only 21... and this girl is great, but you're not physically attracted to her. That would make her great "friend" material. That's the eventuality in my opinion. Work on improving your self-confidence and go for women who you find physically attractive and who you don't feel need to change a damned thing to be with you... In fact go for a girl who completely outclasses you intellectually and physically. That has always been my standard, and I've done damned well with it.

These diet/exercise plans are great.... for a married couple who've been together for years and she's changed a bit for the worse over time. But, this is not the case with you. I'd follow my previous advice before you get caught up trying to change this girl into something that she isn't just to make you happy. It's not fair to her or your self. My .02 cents.

Very well said.

 

[Dragon]

Judging from the pic you shared, she has probably NEVER been thin in her adult life, so it will realistically be a very long road until she ever becomes your ideal body.

If you really love her, maybe you should look at it as your responsibility to LEAD her to losing weight, not TELLING her to lose weight. Breaking up or telling her directly that she is overweight will probably scar her for life.

Look at it as a 1-2 year mission and lead her to lose weight, and in return you get your ideal everything.

 

[globetrotter]

3 options

1. learn to live with her thick body

2. leave her/ shift to being friends

3. have a life where you are both misrable.



basically, if you expect her to lose weight, and your love is dependant on that, she will be misrable, and you will not be happy. this simply isn't a valid option.

 

[greenleaflettuce]

I don't think one can have a polite discussion about one's girlfriend's weight. Talking about her weight will be counterproductive. You need to be a circumspect and marginally passive-agressive. Stop ********** with her. Stop eating with her. Start working out together. But don't say anything about her weight. Please.