How to give a Maid of Honor speech as a man?

Discussion in 'Social Life, Food & Drink, Travel' started by mafoofan, Oct 17, 2011.

  1. mafoofan

    mafoofan THE FOO Dubiously Honored

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    My best friend is getting married next month and she asked me to speak on her behalf at the wedding as her Maid of Honor. How do I write this thing?
     


  2. kwilkinson

    kwilkinson Having a Ball

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    The same way you write a BM speech. Except the whole situation is kinda lol.
     


  3. Thomas

    Thomas Senior member

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    [COLOR=330066]First, if you really plan on doing this the right way, I suggest Gender Reassignment Surgery. your wife may disapprove.
    Second, you have to get fitted for a bridesmaid's dress. Do not expect Rubinacci to help you out here, and tweed is simply out of the question.

    You may opt to skip step one and go directly to step two, if time is tight. Results will not be optimal, however

    Third, hire a professional speechwriter to collaborate with a bunch of 13-year-old girls to provide a speech that is both giggly and aww-inspiring. bonus points for <3's, rapid hand-waving, and smiling through teary eyes.


    Protips:
    Drink heavily at some point during the process.
    Get a really good shave the morning of the event
    Practice walking in heels for a few weeks.
    Watch re-runs of Bosom Buddies if you have doubts about your abilities.[/COLOR]
     
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2011


  4. itsstillmatt

    itsstillmatt The Liberator Dubiously Honored

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    Were it in MC, this thread would have 400 responses by now.
     


  5. cuponoodles

    cuponoodles Senior member

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    As someone who has a female best friend, I can totally empathize. Honestly, I wouldn't make that big of a deal about it - say what you would normally say as if she were a guy - don't sweat it.
     


  6. contactme_11

    contactme_11 Senior member

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    If she is your best friend than why are you letting her marry someone else?
     


  7. mafoofan

    mafoofan THE FOO Dubiously Honored

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    I've posted MC-related things in MC lately and no such response. I must be losing my sex appeal :(.


    I mean my best friend outside of my wife. She's like a sister to me.
     


  8. contactme_11

    contactme_11 Senior member

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    Makes more sense now. Speech would be a touchy subject I guess. You don't want to say anything that would make your wife uncomfortable. It's a tough one for sure.
     


  9. F. Corbera

    F. Corbera Senior member

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    I would see no reason to deviate from the OneSpeech.
     


  10. Harold falcon

    Harold falcon Senior member

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    Kinda said, but completely true.
     


  11. mafoofan

    mafoofan THE FOO Dubiously Honored

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    I think of this as an opportunity to write the OneSpeech.
     


  12. mgm9128

    mgm9128 Senior member

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    I have a best friend that I consider like a second sister. That said, I don't think I'd want to marry my sister.
     


  13. F. Corbera

    F. Corbera Senior member

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    You make pharaoh sad.

    :confused:

    What if she held some figs?
     


  14. mgm9128

    mgm9128 Senior member

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    The last time we hung out this the summer we ate cheese and figs and wine. Then we drove around in a Porsche and got cigarettes. Then we played Sorry! She goes to school in Scotland, and now I miss her so...
     


  15. F. Corbera

    F. Corbera Senior member

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    Wait...I thought that you were going to move into her co-op to be her personal chef?

    Now, you're not and she's gone off to Scotland for more schooling (and at her age?)

    I'm really behind on the news here.
     


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