How to get over a break-up?

Discussion in 'Social Life, Food & Drink, Travel' started by VMan, Apr 29, 2004.

  1. gregory

    gregory Senior member

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    Oh God. You ... all of you ... have pretty unromantic attitudes toward women. [​IMG]
     


  2. VMan

    VMan Senior member

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    Logan, I guess I have just put up with waaaaaaay too much in the past. Those things I mentioned are far from the worst that she has said. I'm going to hit a few parties tonight (Thursday is the huge going-out night on campus) and just be social. I'm not on the hunt for a new woman, just looking to get out and have some fun. I like the point about the tax break [​IMG]
     


  3. Mike C.

    Mike C. Senior member

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    Quote I need some sort of closure - I would feel weird calling her or asking for my things back. Â Anyone have any suggestions to ease the pain (besides drinking my troubles away)? Â Thanks, I appreciate the responses - I need them.
    Anytime that I've looked for closure at the end of a relationship, I've been dissapointed, so i don't even bother with that anymore, it just leads to more agony and headaches. Lay off the booze, it just makes you feel worse. To ease the pain, go find some other women and hit it up.
    Good advice. About the closure...I just feel bad about ending such a long relationship on a sour note, and not knowing if I'll talk to her again. Â Having someone so close to you for so long, it's hard to think of separating from that person. I'll trust your advice, after all, you do this sort of thing for a living, right?[/quote] Hey, I feel for you man, I've been through a few of these. I know that you feel bad about ending on a sour note, but trust me, if you push for closure, it will just prolong the process. I'm a proponent of a clean break, but do what you want... This is just how I would handle it.
     


  4. Mike C.

    Mike C. Senior member

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    Yea true, but don't equate caringless with being a jerk. Women just don't want some wimpy guy that they can walk all over, someone who just goes along with everything they say. They want a real man, one who takes charge and isn't afraid to tell them to "shut the hell up," when they start bitching.

    Guys get dumped because they turn into the womens bitch... to put it less harsh, the relationship ends when the guy changes into someone different than the person who the girl was initially attracted to.
     


  5. LA Guy

    LA Guy Opposite Santa Staff Member Admin Moderator

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    Mike C.,

    I think you're generally right, but you've got to put it a little less bitter.

    Women, by-and-large, do want a sensitive, caring guy. But don't equate sensitive and caring with being a doormat. As in all relationships (romantic or otherwise,) you get respect when you take no bullshit. And don't be indecisive - that's friggin' annoying to everyone, women included.
     


  6. Bradford

    Bradford Current Events Moderator

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    THIS IS EXACTLY RIGHT. Enjoy yourself, doesn't mean being a jerk, doesn't mean being too needy, but be yourself and HAVE FUN. The best way to get over a breakup is to be comfortable with yourself, enjoy hanging out with your true friends and don't worry about looking for another girlfriend yet. If one comes along, great. If not, just be confident about who you are and you will find that women are attracted to you just for that sense of confidence you will exude. This is your chance to try dating many different types of women and learning what you do and do not like. There's no reason to get serious with one woman at this age. You have plenty of time for that in the future. I know it feels bad now, but don't let her actions color your feelings. You choose your own reactions. Yeah - sometimes it sucks, but you can handle it. Bradford
     


  7. VMan

    VMan Senior member

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    There are literally BILLIONS of other women out there and you haven't even begun to meet them all because you are very young. You likely don't know who you really are yet yourself, so why would you expect a college-age girl to do so? HAVE FUN NOW. Don't listen to your heart; listen to your raging hormones instead (but always, always use a condom). Only get serious with women as you approach 30 or something and you really need the marriage tax break. [​IMG]
    THIS IS EXACTLY RIGHT. Enjoy yourself, doesn't mean being a jerk, doesn't mean being too needy, but be yourself and HAVE FUN. The best way to get over a breakup is to be comfortable with yourself, enjoy hanging out with your true friends and don't worry about looking for another girlfriend yet. If one comes along, great. If not, just be confident about who you are and you will find that women are attracted to you just for that sense of confidence you will exude. This is your chance to try dating many different types of women and learning what you do and do not like. There's no reason to get serious with one woman at this age. You have plenty of time for that in the future. I know it feels bad now, but don't let her actions color your feelings. You choose your own reactions. Yeah - sometimes it sucks, but you can handle it. Bradford
    I plan on hanging out with a bunch of my guy friends tonight, so I hope that helps put things into perspective for me. I really want to date a variety of girls. Someone really unique with their own true personality. Someone who is really open-minded and positive about things. That person would make me really happy. Or if all else fails, I could try to go through with the Don Juan plan.
     


  8. theodoro

    theodoro Member

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    Versace-

    Sorry to hear about the breakup. It will take some time to get over this, in the meantime enjoy the opportunities you have with other women.  Revel in the freedom and try all the flavors, it will help you keep your mind occupied.   Like my old man advised, "Girls are like buses, there is another one along every fifteen minutes."  

    I went through a simliar breakup; you feel so empty when your best friend and lover is no longer with you.  There is no point in searching for understanding or meaning for the breakup, only that it is time to move on and eventually find the right one, although miss right now will do for a while.  I sought comfort and approbation in the arms of every cutie I could pick up at BBC or Judges.  

    BTW:  I've probably run into you on the racquetball courts, I play afternoons on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

    Oh, get your stuff from her place soon, especially if there is anything meaningful. My first longtime ex threw out my passport and gave my baseball glove [had it since cub scouts] to the Salvation Army.

    Best regards

    T
     


  9. VMan

    VMan Senior member

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    I like the little quip about 'girls are like busses'. True. I don't play racquetball too much (my suitemate does, and so does another friend, so sometimes I'll join one of them). I need to play a little more. Unfortunately, I'm not 21 and don't have a fake so I can't hit any of the local bars [​IMG] I hear good things about the BBC. She doesn't have too many of my things...an old T-Shirt from high school, a pair of soft CK sleep shorts, $15, a hooded sweatshirt, and half my heart [​IMG]
     


  10. Duveen

    Duveen Senior member

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    I think the reason that you are getting so many responses is that all of us see parallels - some more than others (Valmont may not have had this problem...). Sorry for the long post.

    The advice to 'go out and get it' is dead-on, but EXTREMELY hard to follow. Especially if you have a tendency to compare women to your ex, talk about the recent breakup, etc (all of these are obvious no-nos).

    I went through the yo-yo breakup (with the same girl mentioned before - and never since) multiple times. The whole 'it isn't THAT broken, so maybe we can fix it' logic is deadly. You don't want it to end on a sour note, but in the end that is the only note that it can ever end on - otherwise it wouldn't end. You are certainly still attached to, and care for, each other, but at some point it just doesn't work and all the love in the world can't overcome the history and the fact that one of you (at least) is ready to move on.

    It is always hardest when: a) it's first love; b) it doesn't end with those made-for-Hollywood clear-cut fights/discoveries of infidelity/ridiculously destructive trashing of apartment scenes. When people realize that while they have something, it isn't enough and just let each other drift away there is a huge amount of aching regret. No, it doesn't have to be (e.g. she's got cancer/nymphomania/an arranged marriage to go to) but it IS. That sucks the most, but you need to accept it and truly begin to let go.

    Let time pass, do try to limit contact at first. Take a look around at the scenery, even if you don't act on it much. And, above all, remember that it isn't any less broken because there was no perfect catharsis to set the end in stone.
     


  11. gregory

    gregory Senior member

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    That line alone will melt the heart of many a woman. I suppose you'll feel up and down for a while. Expect this and it will be easier to live through. Better days lie ahead.
     


  12. VMan

    VMan Senior member

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    Well fellas, I'm superbly buzzing off of numerous mixers (Bacardi Superior + Fresh Lime Juice + Sprite, Bacardi Superior + Peach Schnapps + OJ, Jose Cuervo + Lime Juice) and I'm off to a lively party. Hopefully I'll be able to have some fun and put things into perspective, not to mention meet a few new people. Thanks for all the replies, they are truly appreciated.
     


  13. Mike C.

    Mike C. Senior member

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    Well put. Now reading my previous post it did seem too bitter.

    VersaceMan... just have fun man, you're too young to get hung up. Think about the good time you've had with her and imagine the better times you'll have in the future now that you're single and up for grabs.
     


  14. Brian SD

    Brian SD Moderator

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    I know exactly the feeling, as I went through something very similar recently.

    My advice is to start doing new things as much as possible. It's great always to hang out with old friends and play sports (Racquetball has my shining recommendation) that you love, but if you start doing new things, you'll feel much better about it because you're moving on.

    When someone says they hate your personality, you can be a perfectly confident person who knows they have a good personality but it's STILL disastrous hearing it from someone who you've been with for a few years.

    Try not to feel sorry for yourself, and try not to worry consciously about getting over it. I hate to sound insensitive, but random hook-ups will probably make you feel better.

    God, I just got INTO a more serious relationship <insert throat-stabbing motion here> and I feel like I'm in jail.

    The faster you force yourself to move on, the sooner you're feel better.
     


  15. jpeirpont

    jpeirpont Senior member

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    I honestly envy anyone who can get over old relationships.I was with my first girlfirend for 6 years (16-22) and we broke up a couple years ago and I'm still feel the effects of it.I'm in a new relationship but sometimes I find myself thinking back to how I felt when my relationship ended.
    Just was a random rambling that I thought somewhat fit in to the topic.
     


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