How To Cope With a Hard Breakup

[RedLantern]

Originally Posted by clee1982

I was not the one who did it, it f*ed up me pretty badly, but time, and positive attitude did eventually help me get out of it. It took 2.5 years, a lot longer than it should, but I was pretty f*ed up at that point, also did a major geographical and career change after that. It end up being better, at least up till now. Honestly if you ask me, it shouldn't take 2.5 years, initially it was just like a tape in your head that's keep rewinding and you can't shut it down, you're forced to watch every little detail, and all these details become "mistake" that you think you can "fix", when in reality it is just what it is.

You have to eventually reconcile with yourself, and reconcile with her, her in real person and her in your mind, i.e. where does she occupy in your mind, no doubt a special place, but not a lover, not a friend, somewhere different. You can try to forget, but that never worked for me, so I wouldn't recommend, of course someone else might differ.

I think I only get out because eventually I had enough of it, I told myself life cannot go on like this I had to move on, end up quitting phd program and got a job in NYC, moving out and meeting new people definitely helps, just make sure you don't abandon your old friends.


+1

The way that I eventually "got over" The Breakup, was the realization that what was is not, and never will be again. That what I missed wasn't her but the way that she once made me feel - the memory of her, and that she could no loger make me feel that way. Whenever I would start to think counterproductive/repetitive thoughts I would have to actually say these words to myself (in my head), until the moment passed. Good luck!

 

[johnapril]

Mahasi Meditation Centre

 

[APK]

Originally Posted by RedLantern

+1

The way that I eventually "got over" The Breakup, was the realization that what was is not, and never will be again. That what I missed wasn't her but the way that she once made me feel - the memory of her, and that she could no loger make me feel that way. Whenever I would start to think counterproductive/repetitive thoughts I would have to actually say these words to myself (in my head), until the moment passed. Good luck!

Excellent point. My first serious relationship was on and off for about four years. When it finally ended and it seemed she was moving on, I romanticized our relationship. Almost all of the great things I focused on were from the early going in the relationship. But that's the thing about relationships. Regardless of the dynamic, they're ALL really great in the beginning.

For me, I didn't acknowledge all of the glaring flaws our relationship had, instead thinking about those great early days. Naturally, that way of thinking convinced me we had to get back together. It didn't happen, it hurt, it took a while to get over it. But thank god, because I'd be miserable with her. She's a great person, but we're two different people and that would've become more of a detriment.

 

[APK]

I also know what the OP is saying about that sudden loss of companionship. My most recent ex and I split at the end of the summer. We'd spent most of our time together during our relationship because of our great compatibility. She wasn't just my girlfriend. She'd become one of my best friends. I still have to see her since we work together, but there's definitely that void where I haven't just lost my romantic partner. I've also lost a great friend.

 

[Prada_Ferragamo]

Drinking like a fish and ******* anything you see will not help. OP needs to force himself to refocus on himself. Having some trust worthy friends also helps. When my ex broke up with me just recently, I relied on my friends and the gym to get over the situation. It's hard to fill that emotional void right now, but as time passes on, everything will be fine.

 

[unjung]

Originally Posted by boogaboogabooga

I had no idea the emotional weight of a relationship was ascertainable by any measure, let alone time. Will you tell me what unitary measurement you are using that allows you to know how rational a reaction is to a relationship you know nothing about? You'll solve all sorts of problems for philosophers and psychologists and you won't look like such a stupid asshole.

No, this is how this works. The OP decided this is a big enough deal for him that he has to ask randoms on the internet about it. Telling him to stop being a ***** is not that far from telling someone to stop being a ***** when a loved one dies. As you said, we don't know how to qualify or quantify how important a given relationship might be to someone. So being a cock about it is not a reasonable approach.

 

[BobbysWorldFoSho]

sorry about the break up. I was in relationship for 3 years and we just ended couple months ago. It was quite hard but what worked for me best was to be constantly busy with something. That should help keep your mind off of the person

 

[Andrew.Wall62]

Just remember, one day, you will be O.K again.

Best of luck

 

[Dedalus]

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[mordinad]

Originally Posted by Andrew.Wall62

Just remember, one day, you will be O.K again.

Best of luck

Good advice. OP been there, done that, 6 years on and off same girl, bought a house together, shared all same friends. Centre of my world but it just didn't work. I didn't feel life was fulfilling.

It's a pain that's recognized by everyone but just can't be shared. You feel it when you're in it and you think it's nothing when you're hearing of it. It's a test of emotional control and acceptance.

Catch up on things you couldn't do when you were with her and learn why it didn't work. Then brace yourself because there are so many other gorgeous girls out there and they just keep getting younger! You're a man, you open doors, you don't need to wait for them to open for you.

You will be OK, we've all been there. It just takes time to pick yourself up and remind yourself you were fine before meeting her. Your confidence is a bit shaken right now, it's normal.