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How terrible does social life after college become? (worried 20 year old sheltered as a teenager)

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Fisher Shard, Oct 30, 2012.

  1. Fisher Shard

    Fisher Shard Well-Known Member

    Messages:
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    I will make it as short and sweet as I can:

    - Born in a foreign country

    - Age of 3 parents moved to France

    - Age of 8 we moved to the US (Lived in California then New York)

    - Age of 13 we finally settled down in the deep south region of the USA (place is full of mostly retired people)

    - High school had about 300 total kids, no sports, no anything, and it was very hard to get a social life going, NOTHING EVER HAPPENED (sciences school, some students were literally considering suicide because of how bad it was)

    - High school was terrible, parents knew little of college admissions, so I ended up at a college about 6 minutes from my house

    - The university is a commuter school, no sense of campus life, not that easy to find people my age group, this is my 5th semester here BUT I AM TRANSFERRING next semester to a college with over 30,000 students, division 1a and ranked as a party school

    - Have heard that college transfers have an EXTREMELY difficult time adjusting and getting much of a social life going since people usually make friends their first two years of college, last two years, nothing really goes on

    To sum it all up. I have had a very bad time at the college I am at right now, it is hard to get any bit of a social life going here. Most students my age end up transferring or leaving, it is tough because I live at home but I do move out on my own soon. I am really stressed out because I read a thread saying that after college, social life becomes very tough to have because you don't get to be around people your own age group. I get super depressed just thinking about how unfair I have had it in terms of getting a chance for a social life. Sometimes I feel like just giving up on life because I believe I might never get the chance to party hard, get drunk, get wasted, sleep with a random girl......

    I mean that is something I have made my priority now even though my grades are good, like even if I have to lose my future for this type of stuff I am willing to do it because I feel extremely deprived....

    I know little of life here in America since I went to a ghetto high school with nothing going on at all, live in a flat dumb boring town, and I really want to live it up and enjoy my social life because I never had that opportunity ever in my life....

    How can I best stop myself from worrying so much?
     
  2. cimabue

    cimabue Well-Known Member

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    Transfer to a big university in a big town. Find a girl/boyfriend and get on with it. Stop looking back so much. :)
     
    Last edited: Oct 30, 2012
  3. Fisher Shard

    Fisher Shard Well-Known Member

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    lets just stick to finding a girlfriend or better yet, just girls to spend a lot of time with
     
  4. Claghorn

    Claghorn Well-Known Member

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    edit
     
    Last edited: Oct 30, 2012
  5. acidboy

    acidboy Well-Known Member

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    if you're transferring college so you can have a social life, you need to figure out what you really want in life, son, other than keep dwelling on the past.
     
  6. why

    why Well-Known Member

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    Transferring universities isn't like transferring high schools. The cliques don't really exist and the majority of people at a big university will go there knowing only a handful of people and in the course of a year or two will make new friends and lose contact with old ones.
     
  7. Gibonius

    Gibonius Well-Known Member

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    Did you really need two almost identical threads on this?


    Anyway, transferring universities won't hurt your cause. It's true that much of the intense bonding that people associate with college happens the first year in the dorms, frat house, or locker room but college age people are generally pretty open to adding new friends into their circle.

    Beside that though,
    This makes it sound like you're the biggest problem in your social life, not your situation. That level of anxiety over a mostly imagined picture of college life doesn't sound healthy to me. If that's what you want, it's not exactly hard to find anywhere and will be downright easy to find in a real college town. Just get out there and live some life. Find out what you really enjoy, not what you're "supposed" to want from college aged life. The thing I miss the least about college is the hard-partying, trying to pick up chicks part. But that's me. Go experience some stuff, report back.
     
  8. Piobaire

    Piobaire Well-Known Member

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    Just don't sound like the guy that started this thread at school. That will really help.
     
    2 people like this.
  9. AriGold

    AriGold Well-Known Member

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    Lol so true.

    Fuck your small timer past. go out there be friendly, be positive, discover new people, discover yourself. so hating your self and where you've been. regret is for the fucking weak. do something about it. and most of all, have fun. :slayer:
     
  10. Joffrey

    Joffrey Well-Known Member

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    When you get to the new school, be open minded and friendly to everyone. There are tons of athletic, social and academic clubs. Try as many of them as you can. You'll meet people and when you do be friendly and open minded. Outside campus, go out to bars and places that have shows and events. With time you will develop your own social circle. It may not be huge but you'll make contacts and some friends. This takes some time so apart from class, studying and body maintenance (eat, sleep, shower), you should be spending all your time trying to meet people and seeing what the school/town has to offer.

    Don't forget to focus on your grades too.
     
    Last edited: Oct 31, 2012
  11. Claghorn

    Claghorn Well-Known Member

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    Some practical advice:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Escitalopram

    Not being a dick. That stuff works wonders if you approach it with the right mindset. It enables you to make the changes you feel you need. As is, it seems like school transfer or no, you will be having a hard time getting out of your own head.

    There are also tons of programs/groups that'll help you meet people. You know what your interests are, and at a school with 30,000 people, there will be groups centered around at least a few of those interests. Join them. You don't need to talk or actively try and make friends. Your presence with organically lead to friendships as long as you put yourself in those situations.

    On a side note:

    Social life after college is fucking awesome. You have money, and so do your friends. You can be pickier about whom you hang around with and where you go to hang around them.
     
    Last edited: Oct 31, 2012
  12. otc

    otc Well-Known Member

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    After college, no woman will ever lick your penis.

    Sorry, proven fact, hate to be the one to tell you.
     
  13. HansderHund

    HansderHund Well-Known Member

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    No no, that's after marriage, not college. :rimshot:
     
  14. L'Incandescent

    L'Incandescent Well-Known Member

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    Yes but guys still will if you go to the park after 11 pm or so.
     
    1 person likes this.
  15. Claghorn

    Claghorn Well-Known Member

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    Last edited: Oct 31, 2012
  16. Fisher Shard

    Fisher Shard Well-Known Member

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    it is pretty hard to be a decent person to a lot of people on the internet who are intent to provoking and making someone else's time miserable rather than actually helping

    anyways, my worry is that I only have two more years of college left
     
  17. Reggs

    Reggs Well-Known Member

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    I once lived in Mississippi. Nothing happened and I was not happy. I moved to SoCal where I finished college and I'm still in love with the area. Things of consequence happen in California. You can feel it.

    I'm happy out of college. I think it kills the social life for men who drink and womanize a lot, then just drop off the cliff after graduation. Out of college I made friends with people decades older than me with no problem, and if I want to do something interesting or adventurous, SoCal offers more weekend traveling options than anywhere in America. All the talk of no social life after college is very exaggerated.
     
  18. Claghorn

    Claghorn Well-Known Member

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    I think the comment was referring to the attitude of the first post rather than subsequent posts. There's a sort of self-pitying, "woe is me" feel to it, mingled with self-doubt. Don't project that at your new school.

    That being said, clearly that's not all you are. You've been proactive, and actions speak louder than words. The gist of it all is: be the guy who said "this is bullshit. I'm going to a new school with a more active social life" instead of being the guy who said "I'm worried that I won't have enough time to make friends and meet girls."

    And like everybody else said, join clubs and groups. Also...the whole "bonding in the first year thing" is only true about small liberal arts schools (anywhere with an attendance of less than 5,000). Big schools like the one you are transferring to, people are in a constant state of making new friends. Nobody will care they you are a junior.

    Good luck. If you do the right things, as well as hide your insecurity (as opposed to trying to compensate for it or pretend to be someone you aren't...that can backfire), you'll have no problem.
     
  19. ter1413

    ter1413 Well-Known Member

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    Meet girl/guyl. Take penis. Insert in girl/guy. Problem solved!
    :teach:
     
    Last edited: Nov 4, 2012
  20. Claghorn

    Claghorn Well-Known Member

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    I love (and endorse) the covering of all bases in this post.
     
    Last edited: Nov 4, 2012

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