1. And... we're back. You'll notice that all of your images are back as well, as are our beloved emoticons, including the infamous :foo: We have also worked with our server folks and developers to fix the issues that were slowing down the site.

    There is still work to be done - the images in existing sigs are not yet linked, for example, and we are working on a way to get the images to load faster - which will improve the performance of the site, especially on the pages with a ton of images, and we will continue to work diligently on that and keep you updated.

    Cheers,

    Fok on behalf of the entire Styleforum team
    Dismiss Notice

how many partners is far too many?

Discussion in 'Health & Body' started by antirabbit, Apr 24, 2008.

  1. itsstillmatt

    itsstillmatt Senior member Dubiously Honored

    Messages:
    14,384
    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2006
    Location:
    The wild and the pure.

    Rule #2, never ask a chick what she wants, because she sure as hell doesn't know. But if you know, she'll love you for it.


    Dude, she has had sex with 500+ men. She obviously knows what she wants.

    Well you can't get a disease or an unwanted pregnancy from golfing - at least not in the courses I've played on. Besides, only because something feels good is not an excuse for gluttony. It's the same attitude that leads people to stuff their face with so much food that they need bariatric surgery to lose weight.

    A few times, I have seen huge rattlesnakes on the golf course. Those are dangerous, while protected sex really isn't.
     
  2. TyCooN

    TyCooN Senior member

    Messages:
    4,283
    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2007
    Location:
    2o6
    The real question here is has his friend fucked this girl yet? If not then why hasn't he done it yet?
     
  3. Sentrixx

    Sentrixx Member

    Messages:
    13
    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2008
    I dated a girl whose number was in the 3 digits and she was just as pleasant as the rest, as long as they're faithful to you and infection free I don't think it makes much of a difference!
     
  4. Saucemaster

    Saucemaster Senior member

    Messages:
    6,678
    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2006
    Location:
    San Francisco
    Why is everybody so fixated on sex? If I really liked to play golf, and decided to play a hundred different courses in a year, that would be a lot of fun, and nobody would complain. Sex is fun, and it is neither dangerous nor immoral as long as you use protection. Did anybody ever stop to think that maybe the reason she had so much sex was that she liked the way it felt... physically? Sometimes sex is just sex, and it is a hell of a way to spend a couple of hours.

    God knows I'm not in the tiecollector crowd on this one, but I think there's a middle ground here for some of us. Sex, for me, is more than golf, but less than the lifelong commitment of undying devotion that some of the posters in the thread seem to think it is.

    Here's the best analogy I could come up with: I have had two different friends with whom I felt a pretty close bond very quickly (well, more than that, but only two where it went down like I'm about to describe). In both their cases, much of that feeling of closeness was because they opened up about some pretty intense and private personal stuff shortly after I met him/her (one was a woman, one was a man). They were easy to get along with, eager to share, and very open. The problem was, in both their cases, it turned out that this wasn't because we had any sort of special bond or attachment. They were simply NOT very private people at all, and I'm a very private person. What I would have reserved for someone with whom I felt a lot of trust and a real connection, they would share with literally just about anyone if the mood took them.

    If that works for them, then fine; it's certainly not my place to judge. But it's not what I'm looking for in a friend, and to be totally honest, I think that in both their cases it stemmed from some actual underlying problems that they had trouble addressing. It's one thing to occasionally tell your secrets to a fellow drunkard at the bar because you have no one to talk to and you don't want to burden someone; it's another to go around telling everyone you meet every little thing about you within the first hour of meeting them. What do you have left to share with the people who really matter to you?

    This is pretty much how I feel about sexual relationships. The number itself doesn't really matter, but at some point I want to feel like it means something besides simply "she's horny and I am a living human male" if a girl decides to sleep with me. It's less about moral judgment and more about a fundamentally incompatible view of sexual relationships.

    Again, this doesn't mean that I think sex has to be some deep, mystical connection or that it always "has to be about love" or some other bullshit like that; but I'd like it to mean something more than JUST momentary physical release. Ideally, it should be more than just masturbation +1, you know? For me, the idea that the other person so very readily shares with so many people creates a problematic imbalance in the relationship and indicates that the act itself doesn't mean the same thing to each of us.

    My somewhat poorly-expressed $0.02... I just woke up and the coffee hasn't kicked in.
     
  5. Fuuma

    Fuuma Senior member

    Messages:
    25,818
    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2004
    You're making the incorrect assumption that the meaning of sexual encounters is fixed and not set by the parameters of the relationship two people share. Basically your reasoning is logical but based on a false premise.
     
  6. itsstillmatt

    itsstillmatt Senior member Dubiously Honored

    Messages:
    14,384
    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2006
    Location:
    The wild and the pure.

    This is pretty much how I feel about sexual relationships. The number itself doesn't really matter, but at some point I want to feel like it means something besides simply "she's horny and I am a living human male" if a girl decides to sleep with me. It's less about moral judgment and more about a fundamentally incompatible view of sexual relationships.

    Again, this doesn't mean that I think sex has to be some deep, mystical connection or that it always "has to be about love" or some other bullshit like that; but I'd like it to mean something more than JUST momentary physical release. Ideally, it should be more than just masturbation +1, you know? For me, the idea that the other person so very readily shares with so many people creates a problematic imbalance in the relationship and indicates that the act itself doesn't mean the same thing to each of us.

    My somewhat poorly-expressed $0.02... I just woke up and the coffee hasn't kicked in.


    I don't disagree with you, and think that you bring up one very good point. That is, that your incompatibility with such a person would be based on your needs and your feelings towards the subject (sex, emotional intimacy) and not because she was some emotionally deficient cum bucket. I think that such reasoning makes all the sense in the world, because your needs should be as important and real to you as hers are to her.

    I don't think anybody is saying that the guy should marry the girl because she has fucked a lot of guys, or even that he shouldn't walk away because it makes him uncomfortable. Rather, we are saying that her decision to have a lot of sex is her decision, and it doesn't make her a toilet, a freak or a bad person. There is a big difference between being uninterested in somebody because of their past, and thinking that a past like this makes them a moral pariah.
     
  7. Saucemaster

    Saucemaster Senior member

    Messages:
    6,678
    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2006
    Location:
    San Francisco
    You're making the incorrect assumption that the meaning of sexual encounters is fixed and not set by the parameters of the relationship two people share. Basically your reasoning is logical but based on a false premise.

    I'm not assuming that the meaning is fixed; I'm saying that there while the meaning of a sexual relationship can obviously vary with circumstances, I place boundaries on exactly what a sexual relationship signifies for me. I agree that the act doesn't have much inherent meaning, but I'm not saying that it does; I'm saying that I give it a certain meaning, and like all meaning we impart to any action, some of that is determined by my own choices, and some of that is more or less baked into my brain--whether by upbringing, culture, simple biological predisposition, or all of the above (my own personal view) is unimportant. It's THERE nonetheless, and I take ownership of it. The problem isn't that I'm judging the other person by my own standards, it's that our standards are clearly misaligned here (somewhat drastically), and that kind of imbalance is a problem all on its own.

    That sex has a certain range of meanings for me is plain fact; that is also has a certain range of meanings for the other person is also plain fact; that, in the case of someone who has slept with 500+ people, these two "ranges" don't exactly overlap is also pretty plain. If sex is the basis of our relationship, or is to be one of the bases of the relationship, this is obviously a serious problem. It wouldn't preclude me from having a relationship with the person that wasn't sexual--one of my friends could have gangbanged every high school, college, and professional sports team in existence and been a roadie for every major rock band of the last decade and I'd just be eager to hear all the awesome stories, but it would mean that a sexual relationship with that person was off the table.

    I don't disagree with you, and think that you bring up one very good point. That is, that your incompatibility with such a person would be based on your needs and your feelings towards the subject (sex, emotional intimacy) and not because she was some emotionally deficient cum bucket. I think that such reasoning makes all the sense in the world, because your needs should be as important and real to you as hers are to her.

    I don't think anybody is saying that the guy should marry the girl because she has fucked a lot of guys, or even that he shouldn't walk away because it makes him uncomfortable. Rather, we are saying that her decision to have a lot of sex is her decision, and it doesn't make her a toilet, a freak or a bad person. There is a big difference between being uninterested in somebody because of their past, and thinking that a past like this makes them a moral pariah.


    Oh, I get you there. I'm with you 100%, it's not that I think that this girl should be burned at the stake or something. I just wanted to point out that there could be good reasons for "the number" to have an actual basis on this guy's decision whether or not to pursue a relationship with her that don't rely on the moralizing or misogynistic bullshit that's been flying around the thread.
     
  8. macuser3of5

    macuser3of5 Senior member

    Messages:
    2,543
    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2006
    The posturing from both sides is pretty funny, I gotta say...

    My take... 500 dudes is a lot of dudes, some people get off on that, thrill/interest in different people, I suppose. I have no idea what drives that kind of number, since it is about 100 times larger than mine. I wouldn't find them a 'bad person', in the general sense of wanting nothing to do with them.

    Yeah, I would find it difficult, or impossible, to sexually relate to that, I probably would not pursue much of anything. Does that mean I'm sexually repressed? The ropes tied to the bed say otherwise. [​IMG]
     
  9. antirabbit

    antirabbit Senior member

    Messages:
    3,819
    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2006
    Location:
    North GA
    Update:
    He slept with her last night....
    I cant wait to talk to him about it!
    Just got a txt message>>>he is freaking out.
    What a dumb ass.
     
  10. GoSurface

    GoSurface Senior member

    Messages:
    8,488
    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2007
    Location:
    Brooklyn, NY
    Sheesh, she could probably make a hot-air balloon from the skin of her vagina.
     
  11. mr.loverman

    mr.loverman Senior member

    Messages:
    519
    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2007
    i think our culture is rather puritannical. people shouldn't complicate sex. it doesn't have to be about love or deep connection although some people might like that. most of that stuff is cultural bullshit from christianity and middle ages poetry.

    if both people want to do it, its a very pleasurable way to interact with another person. people choose sexual partners for the same reason that you chose playmates when you were a little kid. you can have more fun together than would by yourself.

    its hardwired in us to pursue sex and enjoy it. its one of our most primal instincts it can be one of the most intense experiences you can have. it can be fun and playful, serious. everyone's different, so sex is different for different people.

    just be safe and have fun and don't turn it into something its not. its not about true love or making babies or getting married or commitment. its about two people enjoying something together that they can't enjoy by themselves.
     
  12. mr.loverman

    mr.loverman Senior member

    Messages:
    519
    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2007
    and don't demonize sluts.
     
  13. drizzt3117

    drizzt3117 Senior member

    Messages:
    13,141
    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2004
    Location:
    Orange County, CA
    Update:
    He slept with her last night....
    I cant wait to talk to him about it!
    Just got a txt message>>>he is freaking out.
    What a dumb ass.


    [​IMG]
     
  14. antirabbit

    antirabbit Senior member

    Messages:
    3,819
    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2006
    Location:
    North GA
    i think our culture is rather puritannical. people shouldn't complicate killing. it doesn't have to be about love or deep connection although some people might like that. most of that stuff is cultural bullshit from christianity and middle ages poetry.

    if both people want to do it, its a very pleasurable way to interact with another person. people choose killing partners for the same reason that you chose playmates when you were a little kid. you can have more fun together than would by yourself.

    its hardwired in us to pursue killing and enjoy it. its one of our most primal instincts it can be one of the most intense experiences you can have. it can be fun and playful, serious. everyone's different, so killing is different for different people.

    just be safe and have fun and don't turn it into something its not. its not about true love or making babies or getting married or commitment. its about two people enjoying something together that they can't enjoy by themselves.


    Killing others is also a basic and primal instinct, that can bring some people pleasure, and also can not be done alone. Are you suggesting on the basis of your logic, that should also be ok, and is looked down on by society because of puritanical and christian cultural influence?
    I would differentiate sex and more important sexuality from a primal instinct.
    Breathing is our most primal, as are reflexes. Sex is not that (nor is eating, look at how complicated that is and can be). I would imagine that most people who are 20 lbs overweight are considered normal, and eat normal. Those that eat to the point where they are 300lbs over weight are considered very unhealthy, it is the lack of normalcy in ones ability to fufill a basic life need that has ties to the most complex areas of who we are.

    Oh, so also, shall we not demonize those that can not control their urge to kill?

    Humans are much more complex than that. I think what you have argued is only a small part of the equation.
    Sorry, I didnt sleep right last night, I found your comments to be a bit basic.
    I have fixed your arguement to substitute the word sex, with the word killing.
    You will see, it reads similar.
    Of course it is not ok, but it is equally discussed in the great religions of the world as much as sex is, and the two are often linked. I think there is great wisdom in these books that we would be wise to heed.
     
  15. Saucemaster

    Saucemaster Senior member

    Messages:
    6,678
    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2006
    Location:
    San Francisco
    See, and I have problems with both sides of this little exchange:

    i think our culture is rather puritannical. people shouldn't complicate sex. it doesn't have to be about love or deep connection although some people might like that. most of that stuff is cultural bullshit from christianity and middle ages poetry.

    if both people want to do it, its a very pleasurable way to interact with another person. people choose sexual partners for the same reason that you chose playmates when you were a little kid. you can have more fun together than would by yourself.

    its hardwired in us to pursue sex and enjoy it. its one of our most primal instincts it can be one of the most intense experiences you can have. it can be fun and playful, serious. everyone's different, so sex is different for different people.

    just be safe and have fun and don't turn it into something its not. its not about true love or making babies or getting married or commitment. its about two people enjoying something together that they can't enjoy by themselves.


    I think this is true, and fine as far as it goes. But different people give different meaning to the act, and just as they shouldn't get their panties in a twist over the meaning someone else gives to it, you should respect the fact that they might endow it with greater significance than you do.

    Killing others is also a basic and primal instinct, that can bring some people pleasure, and also can not be done alone. Are you suggesting on the basis of your logic, that should also be ok, and is looked down on by society because of puritanical and christian cultural influence?
    I would differentiate sex and more important sexuality from a primal instinct.
    Breathing is our most primal, as are reflexes. Sex is not that (nor is eating, look at how complicated that is and can be). I would imagine that most people who are 20 lbs overweight are considered normal, and eat normal. Those that eat to the point where they are 300lbs over weight are considered very unhealthy, it is the lack of normalcy in ones ability to fufill a basic life need that has ties to the most complex areas of who we are.

    Oh, so also, shall we not demonize those that can not control their urge to kill?


    There's a vast, vast, vast difference between "sex" and "killing" in mr.loverman's post. Vast. The most fundamental one is that consensual sex involves two people who have agreed to do what they're going to do. Killing someone (assuming it's not also consensual... I don't think that's the situation you were talking about) is a decision by ONE person that (drastically!) goes against the wishes of the other person, and that the victim experiences as an imposition of the attacker's will on his own person. The closer analogy, sexually, would be rape, and tiecollector's dismissal of it notwithstanding, I don't think any of us are making an argument for that one.
     
  16. maclovin

    maclovin Senior member

    Messages:
    165
    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2008
    [​IMG]

    Wait, WTF? That isn't even close to funny. [​IMG]
     
  17. antirabbit

    antirabbit Senior member

    Messages:
    3,819
    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2006
    Location:
    North GA
    See, and I have problems with both sides of this little exchange:



    I think this is true, and fine as far as it goes. But different people give different meaning to the act, and just as they shouldn't get their panties in a twist over the meaning someone else gives to it, you should respect the fact that they might endow it with greater significance than you do.



    There's a vast, vast, vast difference between "sex" and "killing" in mr.loverman's post. Vast. The most fundamental one is that consensual sex involves two people who have agreed to do what they're going to do. Killing someone (assuming it's not also consensual... I don't think that's the situation you were talking about) is a decision by ONE person that (drastically!) goes against the wishes of the other person, and that the victim experiences as an imposition of the attacker's will on his own person. The closer analogy, sexually, would be rape, and tiecollector's dismissal of it notwithstanding, I don't think any of us are making an argument for that one.


    My apologies, I wanted to use a drastic contrast. Of course there is a huge difference, but both are serious, and can have significant effects on ones life.
    Some take it more serious than others, I was also taking it out of the context of a consentual exchange, but looking at it from an individuals urge and motivation.

    The most interesting thing here, is how different we all look at this, and the original topic I spoke of.
    I will find out how my friend is. I will also get some details.
    Would that be inappropriate to post here?
     
  18. macuser3of5

    macuser3of5 Senior member

    Messages:
    2,543
    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2006
    Would that be inappropriate to post here?
    When it comes to the internet, if you have to ask, the answer is always no. [​IMG]
     
  19. lost in va

    lost in va Senior member

    Messages:
    695
    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2007
    Location:
    Virginia
    It definitely and unsurprisingly left a trace on your psyche that you should reflect on before you classify 95% of the US population as untrustworthy.
    I fear my words may have been taken out of context or I simply didn't get them across as I should.

    I'm in no way saying that if you've slept with 350 people I couldn't talk to you, look at you, or even be your friend as that's FAR from the truth. When I said untrustworthy I meant in terms of a committed relationship with myself. I am the one you considered basically a virgin, rightfully so I guess, but that doesn't mean I know next to nothing about the inner workings of relationships/sex/etc. It's just a matter of what I want in a partner vs. what you consider "normal" I don't have it within me to trust someone who has slept with triple digits to be in a committed relationship. Is it totally wrong and should I be hung for this? I hope the hell not.
     
  20. whacked

    whacked Senior member

    Messages:
    7,364
    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2006
    When it comes to the internet, if you have to ask, the answer is always no. [​IMG]

    I see what you did there. Why? [​IMG]
     

Share This Page

Styleforum is proudly sponsored by