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How important is sexual compatibility in a relationship?

tiecollector

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Originally Posted by Fade to Black
oh not at all, i'm well aware of it and seeking help already. but it is a bit disturbing how my worldview has changed so drastically after graduating...i dunno maybe i'm in the wrong place. my experiences as of late have made me into a hardened, bitter and cynical individual...even when i'd go through some tough times in the past i always had hope for the future, but lately i've become a bit nihilistic in the way i see things.

It's not just you, it is the the general degradation of society that is wearing down all of us. I try to keep positive but I'm increasingly cynical in recent years.
 

Fade to Black

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yeah...i mean i admit i do have some personal issues and demons i am and have been struggling with ever since a rough childhood, but the fact that everyone around me does not seem to care or try to understand where i am coming from is leading me further down a spiral of disappointment and disillusionment. If I had the choice, I WOULD like to have a girl in my life who I can relate to and share my life with, but then sometimes i feel like i'm already going the darth vader path...it's always gonna be hard, guess i just have to force myself to look on the better side of things no matter how fucked up this world can be.
 

Hard2Fit

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Talk to more ugly women.
It will help.
 

Coho

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It happens to everyone, especially when you're in a transitional period of your life such as going from college to full employment or grad school to a professional career. Your world view has changed because you have become more conscious about yourself and those around you, generally in a less than flattering light. Last Friday, I sat listening to a guy with a terminal form of cancer and the whole time I was thinking "when is this guy going to stop complaining." I should have showed him some sympathy though.
Originally Posted by Fade to Black
oh not at all, i'm well aware of it and seeking help already. but it is a bit disturbing how my worldview has changed so drastically after graduating...i dunno maybe i'm in the wrong place. my experiences as of late have made me into a hardened, bitter and cynical individual...even when i'd go through some tough times in the past i always had hope for the future, but lately i've become a bit nihilistic in the way i see things.
 

Coho

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Normally, I don't bother to reply more than a paragraph long. However, you seem to be in the same boat as I am in terms of your convictions and beliefs about life. So I have a few words to share with you. Most of us experience this nihilist attitude at several points in our lives. A threat of imminent death, or even a transient thought of our own mortality, is sufficient to wrench us out of our current involvements and force us to examine our lives. It is perhaps every man's private dream to see his own funeral, to see his life after its completion. In life, however, there can be no such view point. So the best one can do is to alter one's world view, usually in a more defensive manner, to better examine one's life. It is playing the actor in one's own movie, and the camera is rolling and YOU alone are conscious of that. You try to act a certain way, but the director (God? External force, etc.) tells you to "smile" to "walk to the right" while you begrudgingly obliged. However, you alone are conscious of just how silly and insignificant your actions are, but you do them nevertheless, the normal routines: brushing your teeth, having sex, eat dinner, visit style forum, go to sleep. So now you're here. You're questioning what exactly do all these actions mean and what the hell is up with everything around me. My friend, I wish I can help you but I am finding the answer myself. I'm sure someone on this board holds the answer.
Originally Posted by Fade to Black
yeah...i mean i admit i do have some personal issues and demons i am and have been struggling with ever since a rough childhood, but the fact that everyone around me does not seem to care or try to understand where i am coming from is leading me further down a spiral of disappointment and disillusionment. If I had the choice, I WOULD like to have a girl in my life who I can relate to and share my life with, but then sometimes i feel like i'm already going the darth vader path...it's always gonna be hard, guess i just have to force myself to look on the better side of things no matter how fucked up this world can be.
 

Etienne

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Originally Posted by Hard2Fit
If you think you'll spend the rest of your life with this girl then suck it up.
If not then tell her your not satisfied.

I would avise pretty much the opposite. I might be willing to put up with an unsatisfactory sex life for a relationship I know will not be long-term but if I think I might spend the rest of my life with a girl, then these matters have to be discussed.

That does not mean you should expect to have it your way entirely. You cannot really demand somebody change that much. But at least you should try and find some arrangement, you're not the only one that should make concessions. There's a general feeling that the only party that should make concessions is the one with the higher sex drive, that's a feeling I strongly oppose.
 

Piobaire

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Sex is the lubricant that keeps a good relationship greased. Some relationships need more grease than others and at different points in a relationship, it will require more or less grease than the average.

Make of that what you will.

Oh, and if you are 22 and this is a life long relationship? Give it 15 years, 2 kids, and a busy job. Every other day will seem like an orgy.
 

GQgeek

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Originally Posted by Piobaire
Sex is the lubricant that keeps a good relationship greased. Some relationships need more grease than others and at different points in a relationship, it will require more or less grease than the average.

Make of that what you will.

Oh, and if you are 22 and this is a life long relationship? Give it 15 years, 2 kids, and a busy job. Every other day will seem like an orgy.


I don't know how married people do it. If I had kids, my #1 priority would be ensuring some privacy in the bedroom. Maybe that would mean that they would get bedrooms in the basement or maybe I'd get some sound insulation put in the bedroom walls and doors. I could probably do without kids.
 

Saucemaster

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Originally Posted by GQgeek
I don't know how married people do it. If I had kids, my #1 priority would be ensuring some privacy in the bedroom. Maybe that would mean that they would get bedrooms in the basement or maybe I'd get some sound insulation put in the bedroom walls and doors. I could probably do without kids.

As someone whose married friends have all been having kids recently, let me say that from what I understand, the husband's priorities have absolutely nothing to do with anything.
 

Dedalus

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Originally Posted by Saucemaster
As someone whose married friends have all been having kids recently, let me say that from what I understand, the husband's priorities have absolutely nothing to do with anything.

This is true in my experience.
 

Eason

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God, I sure as hell don't want kids.

Anyway, conclusion from long discussion about it: Sex every day, unless she's very tired.

Improvement! Now, I'll just have to convince her to do a second time in the morning...
 

kwilkinson

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Good luck! I'm sure you'll need it. Personally, if we had a "plan" made out saying when we'd have sex and how often, I'd feel a bit weird. Personally, I'd rather just have sex every other day or so when we're both really in the mood.*




*And beg for head whenever I get horny in between then.
 

Eason

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Oh lord, I think the head (reluctance of it) may get it's own thread in the near future.
 

Saucemaster

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I'm serious, if this actually works out, you are luckier than probably 99% of straight men in relationships that last more than a month or so. Treasure it while you have the chance.
 

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