How do you uninvite someone's kids from a wedding?

[jgold47]

Originally Posted by Jodum5

**** them. Who is paying for the wedding? However, I went to a wedding for a good friend a few months back. There were kids from 2 to 15 years old there. They were very well behaved and were fun [enough] to be around (though I couldn't play grab ass with any of the homely looking bridesmaids).

Yeah, these are like 3 and 2 and are red-heads. so no dice. And now its on our RSVP page.

 

[Douglas]

[unwanted commentary]I've never understood why people want to have adults-only weddings. After all, the whole purpose of a wedding (traditionally, at least) was to move on to having children. Even today, it's supposed to be a celebration of family, and excluding certain age groups from it just doesn't strike me as the right spirit. Anyways, misbehaving children is something I similarly don't love, but that's the fault of the parents, who should have the decency to get the child out of earshot if they're acting up. Unfortunately, it strikes me that the dichotomy we have in the US between child-unfriendly activities (nearly everything) and child-friendly activities (which are overly pandering and out-of-control) only leads to a worsening of the problem, because children are never asked to behave like adults. Anyways, this is a philosophical point, as I realize it's an old-fashioned notion perhaps, and one can hardly rail at single example (I'm not trying to call you out jgold) of what is a much larger, and lost, battle.[/unwanted commentary]

Honestly, the only thing to do here J is to call your friends and tell them what the deal is. Be honest. Either they'll understand or they won't, but if they don't, it's not like they'd be any more understanding if they found out you concocted some half-story as to why kids weren't allowed. Just tell them it's a no-children event, you've told others the same, and you're sorry, but you still want them to be a part of your day. Firm, polite, tell the truth. And make the call yourself.

 

[globetrotter]

Originally Posted by Douglas

[unwanted commentary]I've never understood why people want to have adults-only weddings. After all, the whole purpose of a wedding (traditionally, at least) was to move on to having children.

I agree with you - what we did was have our close friends and family bring kids, and others not. I hated to be petty, but a 3 kid family was like another 200 bucks, and if I didn't really know the family, I didn't need them there, and I didn't have the money to waste

 

[ter1413]

I don't think people don't WANT to have kids there...they don't want to have MIS-BEHAVED kids there!

 

[jgold47]

Originally Posted by Douglas

[unwanted commentary]I've never understood why people want to have adults-only weddings. After all, the whole purpose of a wedding (traditionally, at least) was to move on to having children. Even today, it's supposed to be a celebration of family, and excluding certain age groups from it just doesn't strike me as the right spirit. Anyways, misbehaving children is something I similarly don't love, but that's the fault of the parents, who should have the decency to get the child out of earshot if they're acting up. Unfortunately, it strikes me that the dichotomy we have in the US between child-unfriendly activities (nearly everything) and child-friendly activities (which are overly pandering and out-of-control) only leads to a worsening of the problem, because children are never asked to behave like adults. Anyways, this is a philosophical point, as I realize it's an old-fashioned notion perhaps, and one can hardly rail at single example (I'm not trying to call you out jgold) of what is a much larger, and lost, battle.[/unwanted commentary]

Honestly, the only thing to do here J is to call your friends and tell them what the deal is. Be honest. Either they'll understand or they won't, but if they don't, it's not like they'd be any more understanding if they found out you concocted some half-story as to why kids weren't allowed. Just tell them it's a no-children event, you've told others the same, and you're sorry, but you still want them to be a part of your day. Firm, polite, tell the truth. And make the call yourself.

Originally Posted by globetrotter

I agree with you - what we did was have our close friends and family bring kids, and others not. I hated to be petty, but a 3 kid family was like another 200 bucks, and if I didn't really know the family, I didn't need them there, and I didn't have the money to waste



Douglass - not too much to say here. I literally cribbed the line from above about it being a misunderstanding.

There are a few parts to the logic we had behind not wanting kids there.

1. This particular couple has kids on the older side of the spectrum, most of our friends are still in the newborn 1-2 range.
2. we are paying for this, and a) we are trending to have too many people there for the room b) we are already freaking out about the costs. We also dont have a kids menu (although we could have gotten one). We really wouldnt have a place to put them either...
3. originally we were going to enclose something about our friends (guests) having as much fun as we knew we were going to have, and didnt want them to have to worrry about keeping track of their kids or leaving early. We want this to be memorable night out where twenty years from now you look back and talk about how much fun it was, not about how it was memorable because your ginger spawn **** on the carpet.
4. if my best friends kids (my god daughter) wanted/needed to stay for the whole night (she is two and the flower girl) I would still probably have a problem with it but like Zack said, you have to draw the line
5. This is our wedding, we have spent a ton of money and time on it. we want to celebrate with our friends and our family. This isnt Chucky Cheese so why should I have to entertain your kids.

6. and finally. I hate little kids. this is not one of those I will never have kids things, I just dont like little kids. I want to have a kid, give it away, and then get it back when its 5 or 6. Or potty trained. Something along those lines.

 

[tj100]

Originally Posted by Douglas

[unwanted commentary]I've never understood why people want to have adults-only weddings. After all, the whole purpose of a wedding (traditionally, at least) was to move on to having children. Even today, it's supposed to be a celebration of family, and excluding certain age groups from it just doesn't strike me as the right spirit.

For us, it was a numbers and logistics issue. At first we were on board with having kids there - then we started counting. Our 200 person guest list was suddenly more like 350 - 400, which was just more than we wanted. The bottom line was that if we wanted to get the numbers to a reasonable place, and include kids, our guest list was going to be highly limited. Given the choice between excluding an adult who I really wanted there (and who really wanted to be there) and a child who I was ambivalent about (and who probably didn't really want to be there), it seemed reasonable to exclude the kids.

 

[ter1413]

Originally Posted by jgold47

Douglass - not too much to say here. I literally cribbed the line from above about it being a misunderstanding.

There are a few parts to the logic we had behind not wanting kids there.

1. This particular couple has kids on the older side of the spectrum, most of our friends are still in the newborn 1-2 range.
2. we are paying for this, and a) we are trending to have too many people there for the room b) we are already freaking out about the costs. We also dont have a kids menu (although we could have gotten one). We really wouldnt have a place to put them either...
3. originally we were going to enclose something about our friends (guests) having as much fun as we knew we were going to have, and didnt want them to have to worrry about keeping track of their kids or leaving early. We want this to be memorable night out where twenty years from now you look back and talk about how much fun it was, not about how it was memorable because your ginger spawn **** on the carpet.
4. if my best friends kids (my god daughter) wanted/needed to stay for the whole night (she is two and the flower girl) I would still probably have a problem with it but like Zack said, you have to draw the line
5. This is our wedding, we have spent a ton of money and time on it. we want to celebrate with our friends and our family. This isnt Chucky Cheese so why should I have to entertain your kids.

6. and finally. I hate little kids. this is not one of those I will never have kids things, I just dont like little kids. I want to have a kid, give it away, and then get it back when its 5 or 6. Or potty trained. Something along those lines.

well said!

 

[ter1413]

Originally Posted by tj100

For us, it was a numbers and logistics issue. At first we were on board with having kids there - then we started counting. Our 200 person guest list was suddenly more like 350 - 400, which was just more than we wanted. The bottom line was that if we wanted to get the numbers to a reasonable place, and include kids, our guest list was going to be highly limited. Given the choice between excluding an adult who I really wanted there (and who really wanted to be there) and a child who I was ambivalent about (and who probably didn't really want to be there), it seemed reasonable to exclude the kids.

also well said!

 

[Douglas]

lol to each his own, man. i will tell you as a father of a 2-year old though that you'll miss a lot of great stuff.

good luck, and

congratulations!

 

[globetrotter]

Originally Posted by jgold47

I want to have a kid, give it away, and then get it back when its 5 or 6. Or potty trained. Something along those lines.

good luck with that

anyway, congrats and good luck with the wedding. if you can get through the planning and execution of the wedding, you'll be married 40 years

 

[jgold47]

Originally Posted by globetrotter

good luck with that

anyway, congrats and good luck with the wedding. if you can get through the planning and execution of the wedding, you'll be married 40 years

its getting testy....dont jinx us

we have the main shower this weekend. Then ****'s about to get real.

Just wait for my what should I wear to the wedding thread. Debating between rented tux and solid black suit.

 

[MrG]

J, if it eases your mind at all, I'm in a wedding in a couple of weeks, and it was stated explicitly on the invitation that children aren't welcome. I didn't take any offense, and I understand completely. In fact, I'm looking forward to attending an event with MrsG and no rugrat. With any luck, these folks will be similarly understanding.

I think the approach you took was the right one, especially given you were at least partially at fault. I didn't mind the prohibition on kids because I knew well ahead of time that I'd have to make other arrangements. However, that's really the type of thing that should have appeared on the invitations. People without kids don't generally realize how challenging it can be to make event arrangements around your kids' schedule (I know I didn't have a clue until after I had one). That said, it sounds like you handled it gracefully, and in the best possible manner given the situation.

Congrats and good luck getting this sorted out!

 

[A Canuker]

Originally Posted by jgold47

Douglass - not too much to say here. I literally cribbed the line from above about it being a misunderstanding.

Lol. Kids are kids and will be such no matter what event they are at but it is the parents job to keep them in line and to know that if you are invited to such a event it's best to stay for a time and leave before any melt downs.

Myself I'd save the money you are spending on the event and put it down on your house. Memories are something that will be made later in life after you have kids but not during a one day event that people feel drawn to simply due to a invite.

 

[NorCal]

Originally Posted by Douglas

[unwanted commentary]I've never understood why people want to have adults-only weddings. After all, the whole purpose of a wedding (traditionally, at least) was to move on to having children. Even today, it's supposed to be a celebration of family, and excluding certain age groups from it just doesn't strike me as the right spirit. Anyways, misbehaving children is something I similarly don't love, but that's the fault of the parents, who should have the decency to get the child out of earshot if they're acting up. Unfortunately, it strikes me that the dichotomy we have in the US between child-unfriendly activities (nearly everything) and child-friendly activities (which are overly pandering and out-of-control) only leads to a worsening of the problem, because children are never asked to behave like adults. Anyways, this is a philosophical point, as I realize it's an old-fashioned notion perhaps, and one can hardly rail at single example (I'm not trying to call you out jgold) of what is a much larger, and lost, battle.[/unwanted commentary]

+1. The best first dance I ever saw started with the bride and groom then their little girl (around 4) came out and wanted to dance with them, then all her friends until there were about 10-15 little kids all dressed up and dancing with each other and the bride and groom. Sweet beyond words and as nice a blessing as you could ever ask for.

 

[Thomas]

Originally Posted by jgold47

Douglass - not too much to say here. I literally cribbed the line from above about it being a misunderstanding.

There are a few parts to the logic we had behind not wanting kids there.

1. This particular couple has kids on the older side of the spectrum, most of our friends are still in the newborn 1-2 range.
2. we are paying for this, and a) we are trending to have too many people there for the room b) we are already freaking out about the costs. We also dont have a kids menu (although we could have gotten one). We really wouldnt have a place to put them either...
3. originally we were going to enclose something about our friends (guests) having as much fun as we knew we were going to have, and didnt want them to have to worrry about keeping track of their kids or leaving early. We want this to be memorable night out where twenty years from now you look back and talk about how much fun it was, not about how it was memorable because your ginger spawn **** on the carpet.
4. if my best friends kids (my god daughter) wanted/needed to stay for the whole night (she is two and the flower girl) I would still probably have a problem with it but like Zack said, you have to draw the line
5. This is our wedding, we have spent a ton of money and time on it. we want to celebrate with our friends and our family. This isnt Chucky Cheese so why should I have to entertain your kids.

6. and finally. I hate little kids. this is not one of those I will never have kids things, I just dont like little kids. I want to have a kid, give it away, and then get it back when its 5 or 6. Or potty trained. Something along those lines.

Originally Posted by MrG

J, if it eases your mind at all, I'm in a wedding in a couple of weeks, and it was stated explicitly on the invitation that children aren't welcome. I didn't take any offense, and I understand completely. In fact, I'm looking forward to attending an event with MrsG and no rugrat. With any luck, these folks will be similarly understanding.

I think the approach you took was the right one, especially given you were at least partially at fault. I didn't mind the prohibition on kids because I knew well ahead of time that I'd have to make other arrangements. However, that's really the type of thing that should have appeared on the invitations. People without kids don't generally realize how challenging it can be to make event arrangements around your kids' schedule (I know I didn't have a clue until after I had one). That said, it sounds like you handled it gracefully, and in the best possible manner given the situation.

Congrats and good luck getting this sorted out!

Jgold, My best friend growing up was in a similar situation as you, kinda filling up the room, no other kids there, we spoke beforehand and he pretty well said it would be easier on them if we didn't bring ours. I understood where he was coming from and took no hard feelings: this is THEIR day, I was just glad to be able to celebrate it with them.

Congratulations and good luck!