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How do you treat your girlfriend?

username79

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Do you try to plan nice things to do for her?

Do you buy her gifts often?

etc.
 

MetroStyles

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Well it's been nearly two and a half years since I broke up with my serious ex-girlfriend, but at the time...

- I bought her gifts, but not randomly. Major holidays and bday.
- I took her out for meals here and there, but for the most part we went Dutch. We were both in college so the pressure on me to fill a provider role was weaker.
- We planned and shared numerous vacations together (again though, split the cost)
- In general I was sweet to her, but at the same time I had a paranoia of losing "power" or "my balls" in the relationship and so I was quite firm in the way I did things and was overly rigid at times

I assume if I committed to a girlfriend now, I would be similar, but would probably be (slightly) more comfortable paying for things and letting her have her way here and there. Something I still struggle with is spending a lot of money on women. I hate doing it - not because I am cheap but because I end up feeling I am being used.
 

HORNS

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chronoaug

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My ex gf who i dated for 3 years and i were pretty much on the same page.

-we'd buy random little things for eachother (pastry from small local bakery if we were in the area, small things the other person wanted if they weren't too much)
-we'd go out to dinner probably once every other week and to a place for lunch maybe more often than that. We always split the cost of stuff like that.
-All our money stuff was pretty much split as each of us knew the other didn't have a bunch of cash flow.
-We both had money approximations for bday/xmas/anniversary gifts.
-Very comfortable and close. Much more so than my 3 friends who got married this past year.
-Stupidly cutsey and stuff when together alone.
-Neither of us were really into pda
-Nothing was really taboo to say or do. Even things most guys say they'd never talk about their significant other with.
-I dunno point of this thread but i'm bored
 

Tokyo Slim

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Hmm where do I start? The most recent ex was from a somewhat small, and generally crappy city, with no attractions or dining experiences of note. Also has never really had any money to speak of. Just got her first part time job at an espresso stand out in the middle of the woods on the side of a highway. So when she came to visit me, here in seattle, I'd try to have fun new things planned. Meals at nice restaurants, concert tickets, take her to attractions like the zoo, aquarium, and etc. Of course, i'm not rich either - so that took quite a bit of budgeting and scrounging on my part. Also, i'd take her to places that were special to me, parks, coffee places i like, my favorite stores, driving around to the nice view spots, and etc. I took time off work most othe time she was here, and i flew her out once.

When i went over to see her - a four and a half hour drive that i made a couple doz
en times - I bought her things she'd hinted that she wanted, hung out at work with her most days, went and got her smokes, lunch, and etc. Did shopping for her best friend/boss of the coffee stand, spent as much quality time with her as possible, took her to movies, consoled her through her life traumas, and was happy just being around.

As far as how i actually treated her, she was younger than me by three years, but there was an immense gap in both life, relationship, and sexual experiences. I tried to help her overcome her fears, was there for her anytime she needed me, talked frankly and openly about things like religion, politics, love, hurt, pain, family, and being an adult. She had a couple of traumatic life experiences while we were together, and I was both sympathetic and empathetic. I tried to give her good advice, but was usually too late
I loved her unconditionally and tried to show her that every chance I got. I was understanding, forgiving, sensitive to her needs, respectful of her wishes and beliefs to an incredible degree - and gave myself to her completely, mind, body, and soul. When she made it clear to me that I was no longer someone she could see herself with, i was, and still am, completely crushed and devastated. She's told me that she still loves me, and cares for me, but that she's looking for more. That she feels we are essentially incompatible people, and generall that I'm "common" or not special enough to be worth trying to work out our differences with. Her ideals and grasp of the world is all that matters to her, and that everyone who lives, believes, or wants something different than what she "knows" is sad and wrong.

Needless to say I feel pretty used. I was under the impression that she was capable of more than that. That she was as in love with me as i was with her, and the only thing that was holding her back from treating me like i treated her was her situation (which is too complicated to try and personal for me to explain here) It is a gut wrenching and excruciatingly depressing experience to go through, knowing how poorly and blindly i evidently misjudged her. This may come as a surprise to some people whom i havent told - but I asked her to marry me. It wasn't formal, thank God I didn't save up for a ring or anything, but she knew how serious i was, and how much i thought it was the right thing to do.

I feel sort of like i've been kicked in the emotional nuts, and now I'm rambling - and hijacking the thread - so i'll stop.

But anyways - thats how I treated my girl, when I had one.
 

Tokyo Slim

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Dont get me wrong, I'm no saint. I am in many ways, deficient. I can be moody, i can get frustrated when my plans don't go the way i think they should, i can be curt or blunt with people. I'm not a rich, or even well off person. I work very hard for the money i earn, and am usually very tired physically at the end of the day. I like to just chill instead of going out and partying, I didnt particularly appreciate much of the music she liked, I'm not into clubs (Meat markets, especially dominate the seattle club scene) And honestly, i dont think i dress particularly stylishly or well. I only have about half a dozen or so outfits that i can even wear, and most never leave my house.

But hey, nobody's perfect.
 

Tokyo Slim

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Originally Posted by chronoaug
dude....

Just trying to keep you from being bored.
 
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tough day Slim?
 

Tokyo Slim

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Yeah, since the end of August, they've all been tough. I'm camping with J and some other buddies at the moment. They drove down to the bar, i've been sitting here staring at the fire for two hours. Its pretty much dead at this point.
 
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ok well now that Slim has lowered the tone of discussion (
) I'll make a futile attempt at a re-rail. Generally speaking I will take my girlfriend out to dinner at least twice a week, and then bring her along with wider group of friends once or twice as well. Paying...hmm...we generally comp each other depending on cash-in-the-wallet at the time. We never go dutch, and we will both always reach to pay assuming we are cashed up (very few places in VN let you card it). We go to bars and clubs probably once a week or so together. She gets along great with my friends, which makes life easy. Lately I'll admit, not so much on the above. She runs her own architecture firm, so she is always busy, and she teaches architecture at a university here. When school's in (ie now) I dont see as much of her. She lives close to the university (my house is miiiles away) and starts at 7.30 in the morning, so she has been home-to-bed-early a lot lately...I'm kinda looking forward to the end of the semester. Gifts - yeah, we do that for each other randomly as well. Her sister is a fashion designer, so she will semi-regularly spot some cotton that she likes and show up with a new shirt or something for me that she has had made. I'll grab flowers on the way to her office sometimes. Normally just random things in addition to the majors (bday/xmas/anniv etc). Trips - semi regular weekends away. Assuming she isnt teaching, probably once every couple of months we will disappear somewhere. Doing the planning for an Australia trip at the moment (my mother's wedding). I covered her airfare with my miles (but still had to pay a pretty hefty fee for the taxes and surcharges), she picked up the domestic airfare in return, so I guess that about evens it out (not that I'm counting, she just offered cos she felt a little guilty when I was forking out). All things considered, I guess the above is pretty healthy, right?
 

lee_44106

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-Dine out twice a week
-Shopped every weekend
-Twice a year long distance trips


Now she's my wife.
 

Eason

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I treat her very well- she gets her way, I almost always buy the food, and I buy her gifts. We go out every day. I wouldn't treat her like a queen if she didn't treat me like a king.
 

Milhouse

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I always treat my girlfriends well. And the best part is that the current one treats me just as well.

I try to foresee her needs and take care of those asap. She does the same. I try to foresee her wants, and take care of those as the situation allows. She does the same. I try to surprise her with gifts. She does the same. I get her input on decisions that will affect her. She does the same.

But, ultimately, I feel like I'm getting the better end of the deal. Her "hints" are straightforward and easy to interpret. This is a major victory for me. Due to hectic schedules, it is often difficult to see my girlfriend as frequently as I'd like. So when we do see each other, I want things stress free so we can simply enjoy our time together.

For example, a situation with the current girlfriend:

Me - "lets go to abc restaurant tonight"
Her - "I think xyz restaurant is better"
Me - "yes, let's to go xyz"


Now an example with past girlfriends:

Me - "lets go to abc restaurant tonight"
Her - "abc is nice."
We arrive at abc.
Her - "wait, why are we here?"
Me - "you said it was nice"
Her - "yes but I really wanted to go to xyz"
Me - "why didn't you say that"
Her - "I did, very clearly, why don't you understand me"
 

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