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How do I fix my social skills?

Discussion in 'Social Life, Food & Drink, Travel' started by Incman, Feb 13, 2010.

  1. XenoX101

    XenoX101 Senior member

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    Try to find opportunities to talk to people, rather than introducing yourself awkwardly for no reason, there are so many triggers and things to talk about between you and any other person, even if you don't know them. Also, confidence speaks louder than words; I know it's the biggest cliche in the book and you can't just snap your fingers and be confident, but remembering that you are a non-moronic individual with interests and aspirations. The people you speak with likely have no impact on your life unless you get to know them more, so there is really no rational reason to worry about what they think of you, stick to your guns and if you say something stupid, take it in stride.
     
  2. Acephale

    Acephale Senior member

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    Try to find opportunities to talk to people...

    Indeed and as this is SF ask your prey about its clothes . . . 'excuse me and hope you don't mind my asking <insert silly question> . . . ' or random compliment them as an ice breaker.

    All you need to do is find something you have in common and then prattle away.

    Best of luck and as others have stated the confidence will come. Nothing wrong with being a gecko on the wall people watching too though. Not everyone needs to be a social butterfly after all.
     
  3. CDFS

    CDFS Senior member

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    There are several threads about this with some solid advice. I can't find them right now, but you have more incentive...
     
  4. msza

    msza Senior member

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    I would stay away from alcohol if you get nervous around people. It limits the cognitive resources you have to calm yourself down. Drinking will relax you, but if something makes you nervous when you're already drunk then you're pretty much screwed.
     
  5. sho'nuff

    sho'nuff Senior member

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    I'm sorry, I don't understand what that means. [​IMG]

    Tagutcow has the issue of being able to start conversations with anyone in class, but not being able to maintain that level of sociality he started initially, finding himself slowly disappear eventually.
     
  6. archetypal_yuppie

    archetypal_yuppie Senior member

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    definitely do not say "excuse me" or anything remotely apoogetic. just go up to someone and ask any stupid question, and then follow up with another, and another, etc calmly. get used to doing this, and smile. eventually your pussyness will go away, with practice.

    also, never offer someone a drink as your first move, you'll come off as a butler. after a few mins of conversation, ask if they wanna grab a drink and go together.

    careful not to come off as gay if talking to a guy. then everyone straight will avoid you. dressing too fancy will also cause this.
     
  7. archetypal_yuppie

    archetypal_yuppie Senior member

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    Oh yeah, also BE POSITIVE. never say your job sucks, or you're not good at talking, or whatever. It will quickly drive people away. Say you like things.
     
  8. CDFS

    CDFS Senior member

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    I like things.
     
  9. jabreal00

    jabreal00 Senior member

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    It sounds like you are an introvert. That is not necessarily a bad thing. Some have already stated, get yourself in situations that are comfortable for you. I am similar to you. I don't bother going to these mass gatherings. It's either filled with extroverts who need and thrive off that kind of crowd's energy. Go to a more intimate setting. A get together of friends. A concert with a group of people. Etc, etc. You are still young. You'll find your niche. By the end of my freshman year in college and early sophomore year, I had a good group of friends and I wasn't worried about being at the raging frat party or keggarator.

    ----------------
    Listening to: Radiohead - Permanent Daylight
    via FoxyTunes
     
  10. c00kz

    c00kz Senior member

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    Same age and situation as you and also recently been to one of &quot;those&quot; parties- bad place to start. Like mentioned, it's a house with invisible walls everywhere. Not to stereotype but you could spark conversations and meet people in places where people you'd like to surround yourself with tend to go. I'm guessing frat parties don't really attract the noblest of creatures.
     
  11. itsstillmatt

    itsstillmatt Senior member Dubiously Honored

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    They let male non-members/pledges into fraternity parties these days? That's a change.

    I disagree with sho'nuff. I think your better off just getting used to talking to people. I also disagree that people need a reason to have a conversation. I am frequently at parties where I talk just to talk. I mean, what the heck else are you going to do?
     
  12. Jekyll

    Jekyll Senior member

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    careful not to come off as gay if talking to a guy. then everyone straight will avoid you. dressing too fancy will also cause this.

    Quoted for stupidity.
     
  13. archetypal_yuppie

    archetypal_yuppie Senior member

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    ^ please explain. if you think that you'll get a good response from a dude (ie make a friend) if he thinks you're hitting on him, you are wildly out of touch.

    i'm guessing this is yet another case of wild oversensitivity to anything even mildly related to homophobia. i don't let that phenomenon keep me from discussing things realistically.

    separately, fuck off (for calling me stupid for no reason...)
     
  14. bach

    bach Senior member

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    ^ please explain. if you think that you'll get a good response from a dude (ie make a friend) if he thinks you're hitting on him, you are wildly out of touch.

    i'm guessing this is yet another case of wild oversensitivity to anything even mildly related to homophobia. i don't let that phenomenon keep me from discussing things realistically.

    separately, fuck off (for calling me stupid for no reason...)


    [​IMG] and [​IMG]
     
  15. CDFS

    CDFS Senior member

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    ^ please explain. if you think that you'll get a good response from a dude (ie make a friend) if he thinks you're hitting on him, you are wildly out of touch.

    i'm guessing this is yet another case of wild oversensitivity to anything even mildly related to homophobia. i don't let that phenomenon keep me from discussing things realistically.

    separately, fuck off (for calling me stupid for no reason...)


    Quoted for stupidity.
     
  16. limester816

    limester816 Senior member

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    It's hard to meet people at parties like that. People go in groups, and stay in their groups. Like you said, even if you barely know someone, but recognize them at a party, it's like you've just met a long lost friend (assuming you're both drunk). I guess the trick is to meet more people sober, and once you get drunk with them, you'll connect that much more.

    I don't know if that helps or not.
     
  17. CDFS

    CDFS Senior member

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    Tips from those other threads I mentioned and which I agree with condensed:

    Do stuff. Follow interesting classes. Go follow some sort of course: Photography, dancing, writing, anything really. Join a club, any club. Talk to the people who follow the course, are members of the club. You already have a subject...

    Talking to strangers at such close knitted parties is next level stuff. You may someday get there. Most likely you'll get there some of the time but not other times. Just as most everybody else. It doesn't matter.

    But most importantly, be
    careful not to come off as gay if talking to a guy. then everyone straight will avoid you. dressing too fancy will also cause this.
    So don't dress to fancy.
     
  18. Incman

    Incman Senior member

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    They let male non-members/pledges into fraternity parties these days? That's a change.

    It was basically "see the group on facebook, go, pay $10, drink whatever you want, hang out." No one was invited, you just show up.

    Also, thanks for the tips everyone. [​IMG] I agree that I need to get involved in clubs and stuff, and that way I will meet more people and make lasting friendships.
     
  19. fredfred

    fredfred Senior member

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    Most of the women I dated in college/university I met in class. You already have something in common then, so you aren't meeting somebody who is completely unknown. ALSO - not that anyone who is first year, as you are, is ALSO first year (or many of them are). So THEY don't know people either. They are probably feeling the same pressure/anxiety you are. SO take advantage of that. They will be HAPPY that you started a conversation with them.

    Examples of conversation starters:

    - On the way out of class to cute girl: "Did any of that lecture make sense to you?" Followed up with "How did you do on the last exam?", "Did you take any courses like this last year at your old school?". "Me and some friends had a study group back then... I'm thinking about having one now - give me your number/email and we can get together and study".

    - And contrary to what people tell you on here, I got laid because I dressed better than the other guys. I was at a huge party one night and the hottest girl in the place, who had on a killer party dress (the only girl in a dress) walked right up to me and said, "Let's dance". She then was all over me on the dance floor. We ended up back in a dorm room. Not bad for a math geek.

    At a frat house party - girls are there specifically to meet guys. So you can take the initiative and find two girls who are not with any guys: "Hey you want to meet some great guys, right?". Them : "Umm... yeah". "Ok, pick out any guys here, I'll introduce you to them". Then go find get the guys and say "Hey, these girls over here want to meet you". Then take the guys over. This makes the guys thankful to you - and the girls see you as somebody who is interesting and makes things happen. That makes you a good find. One of the girls *might* be interested in you... and/or you can find two other girls a bit later. The key to the above is to have fun with it. There are plenty of people there - most of them want to meet other people. Otherwise they'd be back in their dorm room reading or...


    If it helps, practice the above before you go to the frat party. It's just a few lines and then you are off to get the guys. Pretty easy to do. And trust me, it works. I can't tell you the stuff I've pulled off just by changing things around a little. One example changes the "you want to meet guys" to.. "pick any girl you want to kiss".

    But you aren't ready for the advanced material yet. [​IMG]
     
  20. r...

    r... Senior member

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    Watch Donnie Darko often. Then pepper your conversations with quotes from the movie, it will make you sound real intellectual and shit.
     

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