How do I deal with this?

[Lel]

One thing that I, as a guy, for the life of my cannot understand are girls and eating disorders. I can see the intense pressure to be stick thin and glamarous 24/7 that girls are constantly bombarded with, but I'm talking about highschool girls who naturally weigh 120 lb. but force themselves to hover around 100 lb.

Being skinny and asian myself, I of course naturally graviate towards shorter/skinnier girls and it me it's simply naturally more appealing. But this leads to issues because I often get involved with girls who have severe eating disorders and it always distresses me a lot. One time a girl, with whom I was involved with, had such a severe case of it that she ended up in the hospital for a while and it caused quite a stir. She was better for a while, but now she's back into her self loathing attitude about her appearence (though she is not as severe as she was before).

Another girl I knew had a very hard time with it, especially during early highschool and at one point weighed 85 lb. (mind you she's really short). Everyone was really worried about her and she became better, but of course she drifted back to it. She's bulemic, and the act completely disgusts me (especially after on case of food poisoning where I spent the entire night vomitting) but also really worries me.

The thing is, these girls are naturally very petite and skinny but they're pushing themselves to be even thinner. I'm naturally attracted to this (natural skinniness that is) so I always end up crossing paths with a girl who has a severe eating disorder.

How exactly do I approach these situations? Is there any way to help? Personally I'm honestly getting tired of all the self-loathing they do about their bodies and yet at the same time I worry myself over their health. Does anyone else have other experiences they'd like to share?

 

[ken]

Tough one, man. I have no idea, but I found this: http://www.something-fishy.org/helping/whatyoucando.php

 

[amerikajinda]

http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.o...WebPage_ID=655 http://www.eating-disorder-referral.com "Anorexia treatment has resulted in limited success since the 1970’s , when mental health professionals initially began to develop treatments. The mainstay of anorexia treatment has always been hospitalization to regain weight, sometimes followed by psychotherapy. Most of the more common anorexia treatment approaches have not been found to be especially effective in helping patients recover physically and psychologically over the long term. Traditionally, patients would present at an inpatient facility or outpatient center in a severely emaciated state, requiring basic nutritional needs to first be met to reduce starvation. Frequently this was done through the use of an IV, because of the individual’s refusal to eat, with the ultimate goal of restoring the body to a normal nutritional state. Obviously, this was not an ideal way to start psychotherapy or to build a trusting relationship with a patient, which is certainly needed in effective anorexia treatment. Also, the patient frequently has been found to be in need of immediate medical attention to ward off other medical complications associated with the starvation. The most problematic aspect of successful anorexic treatment is probably due to the resistant nature of the patient. Most individuals who suffer from this disorder see no problem with their body weight, and actually perceive themselves as being overweight, resulting in their being very unwilling and uncooperative participants in treatment for anorexia. They are usually pressured by family, friends or other concerned individuals, and rarely initiate treatment for themselves." "When you suspect someone you care for has anorexia nervosa, act fast to get her the help she needs. Here are the steps to take. Step One Call your local hospital and ask if it has eating disorder programs available. Many hospitals have inpatient treatments or can refer you to an eating disorder program in your area. Step Two Look up "Eating Disorders ' Information and Treatment Centers" in the phone book. Call the centers and ask for advice. Step Three Ask your doctor for advice or for information about local eating disorder support groups in your area. Also, ask her if she knows of an eating disorder specialist in your area. Step Four Know that the person suffering from anorexia may need both medical and psychological assistance. Look for both forms of specialists if necessary. Step Five Make sure that the psychologist has prior experience with clients with eating disorders. Step Six Consider interviewing the therapist before referring the person who you believe has anorexia. The therapist should be someone you respect and admire. Step Seven Make sure that the family gets any needed help and support. Often, family issues are at the root of an eating disorder, and understanding past and current family dynamics is essential to recovery. Step Eight Bookmark Web sites on eating disorders, such as [the ones listed above]."

 

[Go Surface]

How do you deal with this? You could start off by trying to understand the reasons behind these types of psychological problems, rather than stating that you are disgusted by the acts that coincide with these disorders. A number of variables exist; depression, social pressure, media influence; comorbidity is extremely prevalent in eating disorders, and one (even you) might trigger the other. It does not help anyone (especially these young women) when a man/boy/whatever--such as yourself--laments over the fact that women 'complain' about their physical appearance/attractiveness. Especially when it is apparent that you understand that there is an underlying problem, even if it that problems importance alludes you and your inability to keep a hard-on.

 

[Lel]

Originally Posted by GoSurface

How do you deal with this?

You could start off by trying to understand the reasons behind these types of psychological problems, rather than stating that you are disgusted by the acts that coincide with these disorders. A number of variables exist; depression, social pressure, media influence; comorbidity is extremely prevalent in eating disorders, and one (even you) might trigger the other.

It does not help anyone (especially these young women) when a man/boy/whatever--such as yourself--laments over the fact that women 'complain' about their physical appearance/attractiveness. Especially when it is apparent that you understand that there is an underlying problem, even if it that problems importance alludes you and your inability to keep a hard-on.

I'm sorry I'm thinking that you misunderstand me when I said disgusted I mean by the fact that these girls, who are very likeable, sociable, and popular, are reduced to such acts that are really below them. I am "digusted" by it because I've often sat there (say when were eating out) while I've watcher her run off to the bathroom immediatly when finished eating and I sit there knowing that I can't do anything.

And I'm sorry about lamenting over their complaining. It's simply that when I'm surrounded by it so much it just serves as a constant reminder of how difficult their situation is. It's not that it annoys me, it just serves to constantly tell me how little they value themselves in in actuality they are a wonderful person. I may not seem them for long periods of times and when I think they're getting better (or at least, hoping that they are) it turns out that on the inside they aren't better at all.

I apologize if I came off sounding condescending or harsh, I'm not trying to blame anyone here; I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed by the fact that I can't do anything and that I'm constantly being reminded of it.

EDIT: I realize that "disgust" is the wrong word. It's just that, I spent a night repeatedly throwing up (both intentionally and unintentionally) because of food poisoning. It situation just made me think about how horrible it is to have to sit there, in front of the toilet, after every meal and try to make themself puke. Sadden, would be the better word.

 

[Edward Appleby]

Originally Posted by GoSurface

How do you deal with this?

You could start off by trying to understand the reasons behind these types of psychological problems, rather than stating that you are disgusted by the acts that coincide with these disorders. A number of variables exist; depression, social pressure, media influence; comorbidity is extremely prevalent in eating disorders, and one (even you) might trigger the other.

It does not help anyone (especially these young women) when a man/boy/whatever--such as yourself--laments over the fact that women 'complain' about their physical appearance/attractiveness. Especially when it is apparent that you understand that there is an underlying problem, even if it that problems importance alludes you and your inability to keep a hard-on.

Jesus ******* Christ man we're not allowed to be disgusted by people retching anymore? It doesn't mean you're disgusted with the person or that you don't empathize, it's just that the disease itself disgusts you, just like any other might.

And at any rate while there is certainly some psychological dysfunction going on in cases of eating disorders, I don't think the prevalent approach of telling someone that it's not her fault at all helps her arrest control of her life. Psychologists wonder why it's hard to treat, and yet no one addresses the clear logical contradiction of telling a girl that something is completely not her fault (i.e., not a result of her will) and then trying to convince her that she has the power to change this same thing.

 

[Go Surface]

Originally Posted by Edward Appleby

Jesus ******* Christ man we're not allowed to be disgusted by people retching anymore? It doesn't mean you're disgusted with the person or that you don't empathize, it's just that the disease itself disgusts you, just like any other might.

And at any rate while there is certainly some psychological dysfunction going on in cases of eating disorders, I don't think the prevalent approach of telling someone that it's not her fault at all helps her arrest control of her life. Psychologists wonder why it's hard to treat, and yet no one addresses the clear logical contradiction of telling a girl that something is completely not her fault (i.e., not a result of her will) and then trying to convince her that she has the power to change this same thing.

Of course you're allowed to be disgusted. Feel whatever you want.

There is more than just 'some' level of psychological dysfunction though. The manifestation of eating disorders, like I said before, can involve an elaborate series of experiences that dictate it's progression. But there is a difference between developing an eating disorder, and contracting an STD (which warrants a certain level of disgust, in my POV). Anyway, the OP explained his misuse of the word, and I actually do think he's making a sincere effort to understand the severity of the issue.

 

[Lel]

It's not that I'm trying to find some magical answer or that I'm in distress and need "pity me" help, mainly I was hoping that there were members on this forum who have been in similar situations and how they handled them.

I am in highschool and none of my friends have been in such situations and none of the guys who have dated such girls cared at all, so I wanted to hear similar experiences or stories from people who have dealt with girls with eating disorders.

 

[kwiteaboy]

Originally Posted by Edward Appleby

Psychologists wonder why it's hard to treat, and yet no one addresses the clear logical contradiction of telling a girl that something is completely not her fault (i.e., not a result of her will) and then trying to convince her that she has the power to change this same thing.

There's not really a contradiction there, but I get what you're saying. That's why I don't really agree with the medical model of mental illness. I don't generally think it's good to deny people's agency, particular when it comes to psychological disorders.

 

[Edward Appleby]

Originally Posted by kwiteaboy

There's not really a contradiction there, but I get what you're saying.

I think there is a certain contradiction. Something cannot be entirely due to external forces and yet be subject to internal change.