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HELP! Telling a girl you love her! Donation to charity if I get good advice!

Discussion in 'Social Life, Food & Drink, Travel' started by Hanseat, Jun 2, 2006.

  1. Duveen

    Duveen Senior Member

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    Agree with above posts to not push this so hard. It all sounds very controlled.

    The speed of the courtship here and your thoroughness makes me worry that this is an intellectual problem that you are trying to solve (how to declare love/be in love in 15 well-articulated steps) rather than a natural outpouring of emotion. Check your internal gauges here and make sure that this isn't just something that you want to have happen in general, with this girl as a useful stand-in for this role.

    Should you come up for air and say 'Yep, she's the one', I'd still hold off a bit. Globe is dead-on -> women fantasize about the storybook courtship, but tend to actually respond to something close to the opposite.

    As with the others, I think that this is a great, thoughtful date (timing the sunset is where it all gets a little military for me, but more power to you), but I would definitely hold off on dropping the 'L' word.

    If the date goes as smoothly as you've envisioned, she may do the work for you. Then all you'd have to do would be reciprocate!
     


  2. Flame

    Flame Distinguished Member

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    Only after a few intimate events should you say "I love you". Sipping champagne in the park is certainly not one.

    I'm agreeing with LAG, and advise turning back the intensity scale a little. Not only does this allow the relationship to develop further, but it also prevents putting any uncomfortable pressure on both of you. Moreover, she might think you're are insecure.

    I know I would freak if my date said "I love you."

    it is no false cliche that women prefer men who don't put that much effort into chasing them.
    Amen to that. I know because I do the same thing. Attraction isn't logical, and women pay more attention to men who don't pay as much attention. Not saying that you should completedly ignore her or something, but hint that you got more things on mind than her.
     


  3. Huntsman

    Huntsman Distinguished Member

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    Honestly, Hanseat, I think most of the things said here are malarky. I was once told that the Greeks used three words for love: philos, which refers to the love of another's company, love of who and what they are and of being with them; agape, love that represents an act of will, of your commitment to the best for the other person; and eros, which is obvious. Because of this manifold meaning, it seems to be a minefield. But it doesn't have to be. Let the context and the moment can determine the meaning -- you can say "I love you" when you're being playful, or say it when the moment really is intimate, or say it when you're in the sack and it will mean, and will be percieved, along the entire spectrum. Of course all of this makes grand assumptions about the sensibilites of your lady, which we know none of, rendering us the worst people to ask. Mind you, if Flame, in saying "Only after a few intimate events should you say "I love you" merely means sex then that is by far the stupidest thing I have ever read in my life. If he means "intimate events" in a not necessarily sexual way, then it is one of the wisest. Regards, Huntsman
     


  4. Fabienne

    Fabienne Distinguished Member

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    Let her "tell" you she loves you. Then none of those plans will be relevant.
     


  5. A Harris

    A Harris Distinguished Member Dubiously Honored

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    There was also a fourth word, storgÃ[​IMG], which denotes familial love. But good point.
     


  6. skalogre

    skalogre Distinguished Member

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    There was also a fourth word, storgÃ[​IMG], which denotes familial love. But good point.
    Pretty much the case. But I should note that philos means literally "friend" in modern greek (probably a natural development of the word). All the words are mostly still the same though. Good luck Hanseat. Storgi... the closest to that in english is affection. Mind you this four levels vthing is mostly used this way outside of the greek speaking word - the meanings of the words as I noted have not changed much since antiquity. They are not usually used as levels; there is some overlap and also some contexts where the words are parallels or even unusable.
     


  7. matadorpoeta

    matadorpoeta Distinguished Member

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    i haven't read the whole thread, but i get the impression you don't know this girl that well and you haven't slept with her.

    i suggest loving her with your deeds and actions. treat her like you love her, but don't say "i love you." it's waaaaay to soon for that.

    in my experience women have no problem being the first one to say it. you should be glad for that, and wait.
     


  8. Flame

    Flame Distinguished Member

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    Mind you, if Flame, in saying "Only after a few intimate events should you say "I love you" merely means sex then that is by far the stupidest thing I have ever read in my life. If he means "intimate events" in a not necessarily sexual way, then it is one of the wisest.
    I'm afraid that's a misunderstanding. Surely we are more civilised than to just dump intimate together with "sex".

    But a bottle of champagne in the park can be done with any friend, and I will not consider that intimate, unless there was a lot of touching going on. [​IMG]

    By intimate, I mean there is a lot of attraction going on when you enjoy a company of a lady i.e light kissing, lots of physical hints and flirting.
     


  9. seanchai

    seanchai Senior Member

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    I think this is a good anniversary plan. For a girl you've been seeing a week, definitely not.
     


  10. designprofessor

    designprofessor Distinguished Member

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    Timing is everything.

    Does this really need to be stated?
    And does this need to be stated now?

    Just enjoy it.
     


  11. countdemoney

    countdemoney Distinguished Member

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    Yes, definitely scale it back. And also remember her schedule, it will be different than yours. For example, you have all these things timed out and what will happen is that you'll be having a good time somewhere and then you're gonna get all freaked out about how you won't be there in time to watch the sunset or someone will have gotten there ahead of you. That or she'll have had a bad day and isn't as energetic as you hoped and you're gonna be on this emotional roller coaster.

    Just let it happen. Be relaxed and enjoy her company and don't worry about making the evening conform to some vision in your head.
     


  12. gorgekko

    gorgekko Distinguished Member

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    I hate to pile on, but I agree with the others who believe that you're working way too hard to say these words, particularly with such a short relationship.

    On an unrelated note: Kind of sad that these days we wait until after we sleep with someone before we tell them we love them. We can perform the most intimate physical act two human beings are capable of but we can't say three words before it happens.
     


  13. mano

    mano Senior Member

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    You're a true romantic.

    What is your age and past experience with girls?
     


  14. Vintage Gent

    Vintage Gent Distinguished Member

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    As usual, the folks at Seinfeld are helpful in such situations:

     


  15. Dakota rube

    Dakota rube Stylish Dinosaur

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    A bit better than yesterday, all day vomiting for
    On an unrelated note: Kind of sad that these days we wait until after we sleep with someone before we tell them we love them. We can perform the most intimate physical act two human beings are capable of but we can't say three words before it happens.
    Agreed. Contrast "making love" with "having sex". I'm not arguing against sex, but the semantics of the bedroom are, as gorgekko said, sad.
     


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