HELP! Telling a girl you love her! Donation to charity if I get good advice!

[Hanseat]

I trust in the general expetise of this forum even in most important matters:

How to tell a girl you love her...

So, there's this girl I know and we did some things together (such as sipping champagne in the park) and like each other et al. I figured this was the time to lay my cards on the table and tell her that I love her. So, that's the plan:

I got some excellent hand-made paper in a subtle white/beige, got out my fountain pen and put her first name on the front, my name on the back of the envelope (in cursive, of course). In the letter I'll invite her to a picknick (enclose a praline I got in Strasbourg yesterday and tell her there's more to come) and tell her to meet me at a nice spot in the park (close to both of us). From there we'll walk to an old bunker in the park with a flat roof that has a ladder on the back. To get up to the ladder and around the fence closing it off I'll place a ladder in a bush. I'll then get the ladder out so we can get up to the roof of the bunker. There I'll lay out a blanket to sit on, get out the rest of the pralines from France, pop open a bottle of champagne/ sparkling wine or get her a cold white wine (her preference). Once we get around the second of awkward moment I'll wait for the sunset (21:42 for about 16 minutes), get out the iPod. I'll tell her to listen to the one song 'Sheepdog' from Mando Diao ("Dont know why I cant locate this feeling, that I would rather be with you
It makes no sense, your crying out loud, that I may love you
This stress is wasting my emotions that I would rather be with you
Dont let them closer to this secret... that I may love you"). In that time I get out a cholcolade rose that has a marzipan heart on the bottom (half sphere made of a lighter chocolade) and look at her. I'll have letter with my feelings in my jacket (so she has something to read at home...).

Let's see: adventure (you're surely not supposed to climb on old bunkers), romance (song, rose from France, sunset), good food (I was thinking about taking her out somewhere first as it would be a little late to show up somewhere otherwise [meet at around nine thirty in the evening]- OPINIONS?). Did I miss any important part in the equation? Let's say I think this is the stuff that usually belongs in girls magazines... let's fulfill her this girly dream.

Please tell me what you think and whether you belive this works or not.
If I get any advice that really helps me I'll make a contribution to some good cause- so tell me your secrets and I'll donate or volunteer to work for some good cause!

 

[Aaron]

A little sacchrine, but she'll dig it. Awesome job man, and good luck!

A.

 

[Hanseat]

I found a restaurant that has a special south africa-week; as she used to live there for a while and is really fond of the country I think I'll take here there first. Meet her in the park around 19:30, be at the restaurant around 15 mins later, leave around 21:15, be at the bunker around 21:30, just in time for the sunset.
I start to think that's a good plan...

Also I tracked down Amarula, which is hard to find around here. I'll take it with me.

Called a friend of her's to make sure I'm okay and there was no major incident or something so she's in the mood. I'll deliver the letter tomorrow morning and make the date for sunday evening- that's enough time to slowly cook her...

Her two favorite movies are "Notthing Hill" and "A knight's tale"- so that caliber should be about right. I might go ahead with 'I'm just a boy asking a girl to love him'. She'll get that reference.

We desperately need more women on this forum to tell guys what sends a wrong signal...

 

[DNW]

I think you have a good plan. But take my advice for what it's worth, you should make the best effort to look like none of this was planned too elaborately. In other words, don't make it look like a setup, even though that's exactly what it is. Best of luck.

 

[tiger02]

Good lord dude. If that doesn't work, nothing will. Is this the girl you needed encouragement to call a week ago?

 

[Hanseat]

Yup, that's the girl. I know it's petty business but I guess it's the right moment.
Worked it out with the whole 'call her, damn it'. Again, I learned I just need to have the cojones to do something.

Plus, both of us have plenty of time on our hands...

 

[Matt]

yeah dude I admire the effort n Im certainly in no place to go telling you how you feel, but if you have only plucked up the nerve to call her a week or so ago, then i think telling her that you love her seven days later may scare her away a little. it sounds like a great date and Im sure she will appreciate all your efforts, but maybe a little too soon to go telling her that. Anyhow, that said, maybe I am just applying logic where logic need not be, so either way, best of luck.

 

[tiger02]

I read...somewhere, I don't remember how credible the source was...that getting the "I love you" out of the way early in a relationship is good so that it doesn't become some huge deal later. Basically with the endstate that you have an easier time ending the relationship, if you need to.

 

[Matt]

army manual Tom?

 

[tiger02]

Fm 69-101

 

[globetrotter]

my take

if you haven't slept with her, it is too early to tell her you love her. sorry, I think it just is, and you face a serious chance of freaking her out, or having her not take you seriously.

this sounds like a great, romantic extravaganza - you might be going way overboard, and that is a risk, but it may pay off. but if you do this, and leave out the L word, you are implying it, and you might get milage out of it.

there are two risks here - one is that you will simply freak her out, it is no false cliche that women prefer men who don't put that much effort into chasing them. the other is that it will change the "semantics" of the word "love" in your relationship - when I was about your age I dated a girl who pushed me early on to tell her I loved her. I did, and I believe I really felt it, and for about 6 months of dating, we used the word regularly. we broke up because she moved away. later, when we were just friends, she said something like "we didn't really love each other, that was just saying love because it was what we were supposed to do".

(****, I am so glad I am not at the dating stage anymore)

anyway, good luck.

 

[VMan]

Originally Posted by globetrotter

]the other is that it will change the "semantics" of the word "love" in your relationship - when I was about your age I dated a girl who pushed me early on to tell her I loved her. I did, and I believe I really felt it, and for about 6 months of dating, we used the word regularly. we broke up because she moved away. later, when we were just friends, she said something like "we didn't really love each other, that was just saying love because it was what we were supposed to do".


Jesus, same thing occured with me, except I was with her for nearly three years.

At any rate, I would hold off on the 'L' word for now.

Perhaps things are different in Germany, but in the US I think it would tend to freak out most girls. I agree with Globetrotter on all his points, especially that giving her a date like this really implies you care deeply for her.

 

[LA Guy]

If the girl really, really, really likes you, she will really appreciate your thoughtfulness. If she likes you any less than really, really, really, she'll be freaked out and run away.

You haven't been going out that long. My bet is that she will be freaked out. Dial everything back from 10 to 5 on the intensity scale and you'll both have a good time. Oh, and don't tell her you love her yet.

 

[odoreater]

I agree with LAGuy (and others who have expressed the same sentiment). Saying the "L" word should just come out naturally at some appropriate point in time, it's not something you plan.

Also, if she finds out that you posted this here and that we were all giving you advice, she will almost 100% certainly be freaked out.

 

[Huntsman]

Originally Posted by tiger02

Fm 69-101
Now that is funny. Thankfully the TM will not likely be required.