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Help dress me (and every other male) in my wedding!

Lysol

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Alright, SF. In two very short months, after 7+ years together, the little lady and I will be walking down the aisle. While usually very prepared it has taken me close to a year since our engagement to get my bride-to-be (and her mother...and her aunt, sisters, etc.) to warm up to the idea of me not wearing a tuxedo. The idea of standing in front of 200 friends and relatives in a wide, boxlike rented monkey suit with plastic shoes has awoken me from many a nights of sleep just as the "naked-in-school" dream plagued most teenagers. While I understand that there are other options in the tuxedo arena than "rented", the style is just not me (and I think the other lads in my wedding party would also reflect that statement). I own my own business and wear worn Japanese denim, old school Vans and button-down plaids 364 days a year. I would much prefer to wear a well tailored, black wool suit but with that comes a whole new set of questions. Some quick background; September wedding. Outdoors. 6pm. Bride's dress - not allowed to see it but I've been told it's "sleek, elegant and not that poofy." If I know her at all I'm sure it's still fairly Cinderella like. White. Bride's maid's - chocolate brown with cream-colored accents. The cut is fairly contemporary and semi-formal (sleeveless). We are both 28 years of age. I am 6', 170 so I will be looking for a fairly slender suit. If you want to know my astrological sign, just ask. So yea...questions. What button jacket would be acceptable for such an event? Solid, pattern or white shirt? Solid or patterned tie? What color scheme would you find complimentary to the women's attire as described above. Any links to examples of what you would think is acceptable would be magnificent. The almost greater question here is what would be acceptable for the best man, the two groom's men and both of our fathers to wear? We've all been to the wedding where the men of the hour all dress up like each other in matching tuxedos with carefully orchestrated bow tie color changes but what would you find appealing to the eyes in this situation? I would like my wedding party to have a common theme but would black suits with a matching tie be enough? What about our fathers? It would be extremely tacky if they were the only ones wearing tuxedos but other than a tuxedo what would you want to see a father walking his daughter down the ailse in? Sorry for the sheer length of this post but I figured the more information provided the better advice could be given. This is my first post in the "Men's Clothing" forum so please go easy on me. I'm usually lurking the streetwear forum so if anyone wants to trade for advice on Rag & Bone sizing or wants me to burn you some Shellac bootlegs, I'd be happy to return the favor.
Thanks in advance. ps. I'm located in Philadelphia so I have access to some decent stores downtown (Boyd's) as well as the usual Neiman's, Nordstrom, Saks, etc. If you're in the area and can recommend other stores, I would be forever indebted.
 

matadorpoeta

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my first instinct is to recommend that you wear what your wife wants you to wear. be sensitive to the fact that this is 'her' day.

if you'll be wearing a suit, it has to be a solid color with a white shirt (french cuffs), and a solid tie. anything else is too informal. i suggest you relay this information to the best man and groom's men, but let them pick their own outfits.

if it were me i'd go with a grey suit (preferably 1-button) and silver tie.
 

tiger02

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Originally Posted by Lysol
wear worn Japanese denim, old school Vans and button-down plaids 364 days a year.

And a kilt on St Paddy's day?


Sounds like you're not bailing on a tux because of cost considerations. In that case, I agree that a tailored/bespoke mid-gray 1B peak lapel suit would be very nice. I like the FIH tie below, which coincidentally LA Guy wore to his wedding (same pattern, different maker). If you go to FIH's site, he has a section of 'dressy/black tie.' Many of them are tasteful and appropriate.


Tom
 

Fabienne

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matadorpoeta said:
my first instinct is to recommend that you wear what your wife wants you to wear. be sensitive to the fact that this is 'her' day.
QUOTE]

Huh?
 

Fabienne

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I saw this wedding in Belgium recently. The groom was wearing a mao collar jacket, black, with a bit of a Trachten feel to it. It looked somewhat formal, elegant, and definitely very cool.
 

jml90

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Originally Posted by matadorpoeta
my first instinct is to recommend that you wear what your wife wants you to wear. be sensitive to the fact that this is 'her' day.

Originally Posted by Fabienne
Huh?
Agreed Fabienne. Why do we bother going then? It's' both of their days without one it would not be a wedding just a man/woman standing and looking nice.
6 pm

Okay Peak Lapel one button 3pc charcoal suit for you white shirt french cuffs black grenadine tie

And navy bussiness suits for everyone else white shirts solid ties
 

thinman

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Originally Posted by jml90
Okay Peak Lapel one button 3pc charcoal suit for you white shirt french cuffs black grenadine tie

And navy bussiness suits for everyone else white shirts solid ties


Agreed, but I think a black grenadine would be a little too somber. I'd recommend a more colorful grenadine tie such as silver. I also don't think it's necessary for everyone else in the wedding party to wear navy, but they should probably be dressed alike and wearing dark suits that are at least subtly different, and preferably obviously different, from the groom's suit.
 

Lysol

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Originally Posted by matadorpoeta
my first instinct is to recommend that you wear what your wife wants you to wear. be sensitive to the fact that this is 'her' day.

while i can appreciate the sentiments behind this, it has been repeated to me by family members as well, we are much more of a "modern couple." i've made a great deal of concessions in other areas of the wedding to please the bride but she knows how important wearing something i'm comfortable is to me and i'm just not feeling much of the traditional wedding attire. As I explained to a friend recently the problem I have with most men's wedding attire is that you have these people that are wear ill fitting clothes from mid-range mall chain stores the rest of the year ("dress up" is a vertical striped button down from the gap) and then on their wedding day they try and dress like big shots in goofy rented tuxedos with a pale blue tie. it's so impersonal and to the discerning eye looks much worse than a high quality, well fitting yet non-traditional suit. don't get me wrong, searching the board i've seen some quite handsome men looking very sharp in a fine tailored tuxedo, the rest of the year i'm sure they're also looking just as sharp and you can just tell by the way they wear it.

Originally Posted by matadorpoeta
Peak Lapel one button 3pc charcoal suit for you white shirt french cuffs black grenadine tie

this is what i was hoping to hear. thanks! very classic. this is ideally what i had planned in my head (my original plan as illustrated to the missus was "kinda like steve mcqueen in the getaway, is that cool?"
)

Originally Posted by matadorpoeta
navy bussiness suits for everyone else white shirts solid ties

my question here is, with the bride's maids dressed in chocolate and cream colored dresses wouldn't navy suits for the groomsmen clash with that? would a charcoal two button business suit with a cream colored tie and pocket square be acceptable?
 

jml90

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Originally Posted by Lysol
while i can appreciate the sentiments behind this, it has been repeated to me by family members as well, we are much more of a "modern couple." i've made a great deal of concessions in other areas of the wedding to please the bride but she knows how important wearing something i'm comfortable is to me and i'm just not feeling much of the traditional wedding attire. As I explained to a friend recently the problem I have with most men's wedding attire is that you have these people that are wear ill fitting clothes from mid-range mall chain stores the rest of the year ("dress up" is a vertical striped button down from the gap) and then on their wedding day they try and dress like big shots in goofy rented tuxedos with a pale blue tie. it's so impersonal and to the discerning eye looks much worse than a high quality, well fitting yet non-traditional suit. don't get me wrong, searching the board i've seen some quite handsome men looking very sharp in a fine tailored tuxedo, the rest of the year i'm sure they're also looking just as sharp and you can just tell by the way they wear it.



this is what i was hoping to hear. thanks! very classic. this is ideally what i had planned in my head (my original plan as illustrated to the missus was "kinda like steve mcqueen in the getaway, is that cool?"
)



my question here is, with the bride's maids dressed in chocolate and cream colored dresses wouldn't navy suits for the groomsmen clash with that? would a charcoal two button business suit with a cream colored tie and pocket square be acceptable?


Charcoal then
Pink ties for them pink pairs well with choclate or brown
 

thinman

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Originally Posted by Lysol
while i can appreciate the sentiments behind this, it has been repeated to me by family members as well, we are much more of a "modern couple." i've made a great deal of concessions in other areas of the wedding to please the bride but she knows how important wearing something i'm comfortable is to me and i'm just not feeling much of the traditional wedding attire. As I explained to a friend recently the problem I have with most men's wedding attire is that you have these people that are wear ill fitting clothes from mid-range mall chain stores the rest of the year ("dress up" is a vertical striped button down from the gap) and then on their wedding day they try and dress like big shots in goofy rented tuxedos with a pale blue tie. it's so impersonal and to the discerning eye looks much worse than a high quality, well fitting yet non-traditional suit. don't get me wrong, searching the board i've seen some quite handsome men looking very sharp in a fine tailored tuxedo, the rest of the year i'm sure they're also looking just as sharp and you can just tell by the way they wear it.



this is what i was hoping to hear. thanks! very classic. this is ideally what i had planned in my head (my original plan as illustrated to the missus was "kinda like steve mcqueen in the getaway, is that cool?"
)



my question here is, with the bride's maids dressed in chocolate and cream colored dresses wouldn't navy suits for the groomsmen clash with that? would a charcoal two button business suit with a cream colored tie and pocket square be acceptable?



To coordinate with the bridesmaids: brown shoes
.
 

Concordia

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What pretty much everyone said. Congratulations for being sensible about all this.

For you: dark suit appropriate for the evening hour (could be charcoal grey, or midnight blue, or whatever). The peak lapel/one-button idea is interesting. Certainly, as this is not a business occasion, you could dress it up just that little bit. I would consider DB but that isn't for everyone. White shirt, sleek black shoes. Whole-cuts or plain-toed oxfords if you really want to do it up. I'm not a great fan of that white brocade tie, but it's in the right direction. Maybe a Macclesfield or grenadine. See www.thelondonlounge.net for a good example of a Macclesfield.

Same general instructions for the guys in the party, with the hope that they don't all buy the same suit you do. If the bride's family make noises about wearing black tie, remind them that (a) this is an informal wedding-- strictly defined, and (b) black tie is a uniform. They will therefore look like waiters if they try to do what everyone else in the wedding party isn't.

Don't worry too much about the ladies. You'll all look fine together if the guys dress conservatively, and it sounds like they've voted themselves off the island anyway.
 

MrDaniels

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Originally Posted by Lysol
while i can appreciate the sentiments behind this, it has been repeated to me by family members as well, we are much more of a "modern couple." i've made a great deal of concessions in other areas of the wedding to please the bride but she knows how important wearing something i'm comfortable is to me and i'm just not feeling much of the traditional wedding attire. As I explained to a friend recently the problem I have with most men's wedding attire is that you have these people that are wear ill fitting clothes from mid-range mall chain stores the rest of the year ("dress up" is a vertical striped button down from the gap) and then on their wedding day they try and dress like big shots in goofy rented tuxedos with a pale blue tie. it's so impersonal and to the discerning eye looks much worse than a high quality, well fitting yet non-traditional suit. don't get me wrong, searching the board i've seen some quite handsome men looking very sharp in a fine tailored tuxedo, the rest of the year i'm sure they're also looking just as sharp and you can just tell by the way they wear it.



this is what i was hoping to hear. thanks! very classic. this is ideally what i had planned in my head (my original plan as illustrated to the missus was "kinda like steve mcqueen in the getaway, is that cool?"
)



my question here is, with the bride's maids dressed in chocolate and cream colored dresses wouldn't navy suits for the groomsmen clash with that? would a charcoal two button business suit with a cream colored tie and pocket square be acceptable?



I don't want to come off like a prick, but (I am going to anyway):

If it were a free-form, "modern," untraditional wedding then you and your groomsmen can wear what you want. But this is my concern: you have the bridesmaids all in the same dress on on side and on the other side the groomsmen are not in the same suit? If it were any of my female friends or my sister they would NOT be happy with that.

If the in-laws are footing the bill, then you should just suck it up and wear what would make the bride and her mother happy, anything short of a powder-blue three-piece tuxedos with navy blue trim and ruffled shirts that is...

I could understand if you were one of our obsessive members who live, eat sleep and think about clothing having nightmares about wearing a rented tux, but you indicate that that is far from the case. I am frequently pesent at weddings up and down Park Avenue where professional To the Manor Born young executives who were born to the upper 1% tax bracket and wear two-to three thousand dollar custom suits on the workdays but show up to stand up for their buddy in rented tuxedos in the name of unity (visual and otherwise). If it's good enough for them, it is good enough for you.

I do not know you and for all I know you could be the nicest guy in the world or a shithead, but I have to say that I think you are doing a disservice to your fiancee and her family by being so adament about this issue. Unless you grew up reading "Brides" and dreaming of your perfect wedding day from age 6 (and god I hope you didn't) you should just suck it up and wear the formalwear they want you to wear and make sure your groomsmen do the same. I could understand if you lived in the middle of nowhere, but don't tell me in Philadelphia there isn't a reputable formalwear rental facility that will make you and all concerend look sharp on your day of days; and if not then Manhattan is only 90 minutes away in low traffic.

You will thank me 20 years from now looking at your nicely coordinated wedding pictures and be glad that you didn't behave like and look like a douchebag on youry wedding day.

PS: If you don't follow this advice to the letter then I DOUBLE DOG DARE you to show this to your finacee and future MIL.
 

NoVaguy

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Originally Posted by MrDaniels
I don't want to come off like a prick, but...Rant Deleted

Yup, you came off as a prick.
 

Lysol

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Originally Posted by MrDaniels
I don't want to come off like a prick, but (I am going to anyway):
i guess the first step is admitting that you have a problem.
Originally Posted by MrDaniels
If it were any of my female friends or my sister they would NOT be happy with that.
i'm certainly glad that i'm not marrying your sister or any of your friends?
Originally Posted by MrDaniels
If the in-laws are footing the bill, then you should just suck it up and wear what would make the bride and her mother happy, anything short of a powder-blue three-piece tuxedos with navy blue trim and ruffled shirts that is...
i don't think i stated anywhere in my post that me dressing in what i would feel most comfortable in was anything but the wishes of my bride or her family.
Originally Posted by MrDaniels
I could understand if you were one of our obsessive members who live, eat sleep and think about clothing having nightmares about wearing a rented tux, but you indicate that that is far from the case.
listen, i know this is the "Men's Clothing" style section of styleforum but honestly, i'm fairly certain that on a monthly basis i spend more on denim and italian sportwear than you spend on matching your tie to your eyeglasses. if you think i leave the house in cargo pants and a nascar t-shirt in the morning, i'm sorry to disappoint you.
Originally Posted by MrDaniels
I am frequently pesent at weddings up and down Park Avenue where professional To the Manor Born young executives who were born to the upper 1% tax bracket and wear two-to three thousand dollar custom suits on the workdays but show up to stand up for their buddy in rented tuxedos in the name of unity (visual and otherwise). If it's good enough for them, it is good enough for you.
i'm sorry, this entire paragraph cracked me up. my responses to it are too ridiculous and childish to even type. almost more ridiculous and childish than the fact that you wrote it in the first place.
Originally Posted by MrDaniels
I do not know you
lets keep it that way.
Originally Posted by MrDaniels
You will thank me 20 years from now looking at your nicely coordinated wedding pictures and be glad that you didn't behave like and look like a douchebag on youry wedding day.
i'm am quite certain that when i pass away in my sleep at the ripe old age of 98, surrounded by my wife, five children, twenty-three grandchildren and beloved beagle that i will not be thanking "MrDaniels" for anything.
Originally Posted by MrDaniels
PS: If you don't follow this advice to the letter then I DOUBLE DOG DARE you to show this to your finacee and future MIL.
i am willing to overlook the fact that you used the words "shithead", "douchebag", "double dog dare" and that you abbreviated mother-in-law in slack-jawed teenager text message style in a message board post trying to illustrate your extremely well groomed nature, if you would please concede that i certainly did not ask for your opinion, especially so arrogantly stated, on what i (who you do not know) should wear to my own wedding to a woman (who you do not know) into a whole family of people (that you also do not know). i simply asked for advice on alternative dress to a traditional tuxedo -- not if that was ok with you. everyone else was courteous enough to offer it and some even to say that they wouldn't stray from the tuxedo but in a much more adult manner. this is certainly not the first post on here asking for similar insights. i'm sorry you felt the need to take it upon yourself to teach me a lesson.
 

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