going out alone/meeting new people

[confused]

im 20 years old. engineering student at the university of michigan - ann arbor. im a junior

right before school started, i got my heart broken. i entered a deep state of depression. i was depressed because i was alone but at the same time all i wanted to be was alone. i locked myself in my room.

almost 3 months later, i try to venture out into the real world. i find myself with no friends. no one to hang out with. no one to call. and no one i can really get back in touch with (they were all her friends apparently)

my life is going to class and then coming back to my room. this needs to stop. but i have always been terrible with meeting new people/making new friends. i know i just need to bite the bullet, put myself out there, and see what happens. i just dont know how.

it seems like all i can do is start going out alone and see what happens. but where to go "out".
on top of everything i feel very weird about it. i have never been out during the weekend with no less than a group of people. and where the hell would i go during the week.....

i dont know.....i am just looking for ideas...ill really appreciate any feedback.

i am not a bad person. im not a "creep", im not weird. im very respectful. pretty decent looking. i just went through a bad phase.

 

[GQgeek]

Are you in dorms? It really shouldn't be hard to make friends. Are there still common rooms that people watch TV in or does everyone watch it on the flatscreens in their rooms? I'm not the most social person in the world but I made good friends when I was in residence.

People generally don't like engineers though. ;p On my floor, so many engineers did exactly what you say you did. They would lock themselves in their rooms or only socialize with other engineers. I realize that engineering programs kinda force you to do this because they are demanding and have lots of group projects, but a lot of engineers never branch out beyond their group partners (why aren't you at least friends with other people in your program btw?).

I can't remember exactly how i made my friends in dorms, but I can tell you that they're all very different. Were I not living in close proximity to them, I probably wouldn't have a two of my very best friends.

And a piece of advice: never keep your door closed. It's basically a "**** off" to everyone else on your floor and discourages anyone from interacting with you. You've probably got some sort of stigma attached to you now but if you start being more open it will eventually go away.

 

[MetroStyles]

Ann Arbor is fully of cool people / easy chicks. Just chat people up in line to get a drink or to get into a place. Preferably while drunk.

 

[Fuuma]

Start selling drugs out of your place, you'll be the belle of the ball in no time.

 

[confused]

i could start leaving my door open. its just right infront of the girls bathroom (my floor is coed). i just think it's wierd. cause when the door opens it tends to naturally attract my attention and i look over....and a girl sees me looking at her as shes getting out of the bathroom......ive gotten some strange looks. so i tend to keep it closed....maybe im just thinking too much about it.

as far as engineering friends go. ive only really had engineering classes towards my major last semester. which by then i barely went to class and spent all my time with "her"...yeah....i was pretty bad

ive never been to a party where someone who i was with didnt know someoen in the frat that just let us in. or knew who owned the house..etc....sadly i dont know how the wait in line thing works....or even how to find a party ahead of time......

 

[unjung]

Join an "individuals" intramurals team... the team that people who want to play but who don't have a team get to play on.

 

[Master-Classter]

Herm.... I think I understand where you're coming from.

I'd suggest simply being around people, all the time. Try to only go to your room to sleep, that's it.
If you have work, go to the library and the same place every time - you'll start to see regulars. Ask them if they want to take a study break and get some food.
Go to the common rooms in your dorm and chat about whatever's on TV. Ask them if they heard of any cool events going on and then share the same info with others. Try going to other floors as well.
Talk to random strangers on the bus, it'll build courage. Start a conversation about anything. Look at their text book, their ipod, etc and say, "so, you like X huh?"
Join a sports/rec team FOR SURE, do this... arrive early and stay after. Go for drinks after. Invite them to someone elses party you heard about.
Go online and find out about events in the city, tell someone you're planning on going to it and ask if they want to join...
find out about local campus events and go alone if you have to. ask "can I sit here" and start a conversation. Tell them you're expecting a friend but they said they weren't sure if they could make it.

YOU NEED ENVIRONMENTAL STIMULATION (don't get all inuendo on me) - basically stuff AROUND you to talk to people about, something in common or find something in common.

Best of luck. You're not as alone as you think. Remember, EVERYONE is insecure. Everyone is nervous and afraid, they're only too happy that you started talking to them. and if someone gets all weird on you, screw them, there are plenty of people out there who are interested.

 

[HelloIDistance]

Originally Posted by confused

im 20 years old. engineering student at the university of michigan - ann arbor. im a junior

right before school started, i got my heart broken. i entered a deep state of depression. i was depressed because i was alone but at the same time all i wanted to be was alone. i locked myself in my room.

almost 3 months later, i try to venture out into the real world. i find myself with no friends. no one to hang out with. no one to call. and no one i can really get back in touch with (they were all her friends apparently)

my life is going to class and then coming back to my room. this needs to stop. but i have always been terrible with meeting new people/making new friends. i know i just need to bite the bullet, put myself out there, and see what happens. i just dont know how.

it seems like all i can do is start going out alone and see what happens. but where to go "out".
on top of everything i feel very weird about it. i have never been out during the weekend with no less than a group of people. and where the hell would i go during the week.....

i dont know.....i am just looking for ideas...ill really appreciate any feedback.

i am not a bad person. im not a "creep", im not weird. im very respectful. pretty decent looking. i just went through a bad phase.

Just randomly go out and talk to people like said above. I'm Ann Arbor alot and people around are usually super chill. If you don't look super creepy / act creepy you should be fine. People like to talk to people it's just a fact of life.

Speaking of Ann Arbor...I need to go soon and grab some pizza from NY Pizza Depot, haha. I love that place.

 

[Matt]

youre in college. It's easy. All the infrastructure is there....and it's all cheeeeap. Meeting people only gets hard when you enter The Real World.

Go join a bunch of clubs. Solved.

Report back in six months when you have been through your first brazilian jiu jitsu grading, scalded your fingers on a pot at the soup kitchen youve been volunteering at, are on the second edit of your first screenplay, won your first Ultimate tournament and so on.

 

[TGPlastic]

What do you like to do?

Do those things.

Look at the people around you.

Those people who are doing the things you like to do are potential friends.

 

[Milhouse]

It seems like a variation of this thread is started every month or two. Really kind of depressing that so many people stick to themselves and don't realize that if they are lonely and want to meet other people that perhaps there are other people that are lonely and want to meet other people. . .

 

[SkinnyGoomba]

Originally Posted by MetroStyles

Ann Arbor is fully of cool people / easy chicks. Just chat people up in line to get a drink or to get into a place. Preferably while drunk.

+1

 

[Huntsman]

Engineering is an awful discipline to be in from a social standpoint. It is very hard and most of your colleagues are annoying. Are there any guys you could hang out with in your classes? It's easier and more fun to go out with someone than alone -- believe me, I know.

In the spring, be sure to take an elective that interests you that is far, far, away from engineering. Ask if you can take it pass/fail if you are too worried about your grade to branch out -- gets you out of whatever forsaken building engineering is taught in.

Oh and go to Ashley's and have a scotch. If I was anywhere around anymore I'd meet you there myself for a drink.

 

[Pennglock]

If there is a spring rush, join a fraternity.

 

[Coal_Mining_Polak]

Join some clubs and get a job... I hate when people give that as advice - but it worked for me.

Going into freshman year I knew 2 or so people...I met a decent amount of friends on the floor just saying "Hey, what's up?" in the hall and taking it from there.

I met a bunch of people with similar interests going to a couple of clubs alone and just braving it - I'm not the most social person either.

My best friend at college I met because I saw him with the same headphones I was looking to buy and I asked if they were any good.

Don't over analyze it, just start talking to people.