Going into debt to finance an engagement ring

[lawyerdad]

Originally Posted by odoreater

I like to walk along the edge of ruin
Well, you do live in Jersey.

 

[skalogre]

Zach's idea is much better (and I love the story abiout the antique ring).
My wife and I's wedding rings (and her custom designed engagement ring) were made by a distant relative (IIRC) of my father's back in my hometown so it has a wee bit more meaning.
Something more personal than going to one of these damn chain jewellers with their crap will be better. Having a nice trip or backstory and the corresponding memories added to it would be even better, and become another link solidifying the relationship...

In a nutshell what I am saying is

 

[skalogre]

Originally Posted by lawyerdad

Well, you do live in Jersey.

Hmm, technically though, wouldn't that be applicable if you lived adjacently to NJ

?

 

[Quirk]

Originally Posted by lawyerdad

Well, you do live in Jersey.
West Coast decadent bastard.

Great line, though.

 

[lawyerdad]

Originally Posted by skalogre

Hmm, technically though, wouldn't that be applicable if you lived adjacently to NJ

?
Kind depends on what you think about NY, I guess. Or maybe Philadelphia, depending on where in Jersey.

 

[lawyerdad]

Originally Posted by Quirk

West Coast decadent bastard.

Great line, though.
Ha. Expat Jerseyite bastard, actually.

 

[JBZ]

Not to get all Bill Clinton on you, I think it depends on what you mean by "debt." Do you mean a loan for a term of years with interest, etc.? If so, I'd say don't do it.

However, when I purchased my wife's ring, I paid half at the time of the purchase and "financed" the other half with the jewelry store, which permitted me to pay down that half over the course of a year with no interest (this is their standard program - they weren't doing me a special favor). This made practical sense to me. That said, I could have purchased the entire ring upfront if I had wanted. Also, my wife and I viewed settings together as well as a few stones, so I had a good idea what she wanted. We were also both comfortable with a budget range for the ring. I know, I know, not very romantic, but it's what worked for us (and I was still able to surprise her when I actually proposed).

As everyone here has been advising, don't go into massive debt for the ring. It's not worth hamstringing your future (and, presumably, your fiancee will understand this).

 

[LA Guy]

Don't do it. You are going to have enough expenses paying for the wedding, setting up house, etc... Don't do it especially since she does not expect it. It's an expensive gesture that, from your post, is likely to cause you stress and that she may actually get pissed at you for (some women like to start marriage off with less debt rather than more, it's crazy.) If you want a woman to get possibly get pissed off you for a large, frivolous expense, buy yourself a couple of Attolini suits and some John Lobbs instead. At least someone would enjoy it.

BTW, I think it's three months salary now. Used to be as low as one month's, if I remember the old ads correctly.

 

[minhi]

i don't want to seem negative either, so let me add one anecdotal story. i was discussing a similiar situation with someone from work a few years ago. she was anticipating a proposal from her boyfriend (legitimately). I asked her what she would do if the ring was not quite up to snuff (size wise). she thought about it and said she had a certain size in mind and would chip in the money to get to that point. so maybe your girlfriend will chip in

come on it's the 21st century!

and also let me say i don't think people are trying to dissuade you from getting married, but i think re-examining your finanances to make it work is what we're saying. i mean if you can do what JBZ did and get near 0% financing then ok. but if you pay for it with a credit card, that 10K you spend now will be more once you pay it off. and with all the additional expenses from the wedding, and getting started it, chances are it will be a lot more because you won't have the money to make the payments to pay it off early!

 

[JBZ]

Originally Posted by minhi

i don't want to seem negative either, so let me add one anecdotal story. i was discussing a similiar situation with someone from work a few years ago. she was anticipating a proposal from her boyfriend (legitimately). I asked her what she would do if the ring was not quite up to snuff (size wise). she thought about it and said she had a certain size in mind and would chip in the money to get to that point. so maybe your girlfriend will chip in

come on it's the 21st century!

and also let me say i don't think people are trying to dissuade you from getting married, but i think re-examining your finanances to make it work is what we're saying. i mean if you can do what JBZ did and get near 0% financing then ok. but if you pay for it with a credit card, that 10K you spend now will be more once you pay it off. and with all the additional expenses from the wedding, and getting started it, chances are it will be a lot more because you won't have the money to make the payments to pay it off early!

Not to over-emphasize, but for the love of all that's holy absolutely, positively DO NOT DO THIS.

 

[chorse123]

Why would you go into debt when you can start a few posts on StyleForum and AskAndy soliciting donations? In jest of course.*

I would advise buying her the ring you can afford, with maybe a little stretching. It won't mean you love her more or will have a happier, more stable marriage if you spend more, or that you are more of a man. In fact, it could be quite the opposite. My wife's diamond is pretty modest in ct., but it's nice and a quality stone, and we were both young and broke so who cares. People get too worked up about this kind of thing.

Also, I'll second the warning to not underestimate the cost of a wedding. Frightening.


*I know, this should be allowed to die, but it's too easy.

 

[skalogre]

After reading Minhi's post, I have to clarify that I have no beef with you getting married either; marriage for me is a Good Thing (don't sue me Martha!) and I believe everyone of all sexes, creeds, colours, backgrounds and sexual orientations should have the opportunity to suff[Backspace][Backspace][Backspace] enjoy

the positive aspects of provided.
But a discussion of your future may be in order. I was lucky, my then girlfriend broached the marriage subject with me. As Lawyerdad said, I am getting the impression that it may be easier on you if you don't feel like you are letting her down by not putting yourself in debt, which will then become both of your debt. Consider his advice, I think it is sage.

 

[Dakota rube]

I think the "financing an engagement ring" thing has been pretty well fleshed out. I will caution you, however, not to simply traipse into a mall jeweler and plink down your hard-earned money on their inflated prices.


Without a whole lot of asking around I'll wager that you or someone you know is familiar with someone in the wholesale trade (in my experience usually a "Manny&quot. You can buy a stone that'll knock your fiance's friends' eyes out at about a third the cost of Zales or Kay's. Paying retail for diamonds is just stupid.

 

[lawyerdad]

Originally Posted by Dakota rube

I think the "financing an engagement ring" thing has been pretty well fleshed out. I will caution you, however, not to simply traipse into a mall jeweler and plink down your hard-earned money on their inflated prices.


Without a whole lot of asking around I'll wager that you or someone you know is familiar with someone in the wholesale trade (in my experience usually a "Manny"). You can buy a stone that'll knock your fiance's friends' eyes out at about a third the cost of Zales or Kay's. Paying retail for diamonds is just stupid.
True enough - including the Manny part.
But seriously, if you wish PM me. I'm not a jewelry guy but I know people (my wife, for instance

) who are. I can probably get you the names of some people in the LA area who come recommended.
Again, though, know your intended's tastes and preferences. For some women, because of pre-conditioning or whatever, a piece of quartz would be great if it comes in the little blue Tiffany's bag. Others would really like knowing that you went out and dig your due diligence on a subject that (presumably) is of little inherent interest to you because you wanted to make sure you get them something special.

 

[GQgeek]

What do you guys think of the various wholesalers with a web presence? I've looked at a couple of them in the past and a number of them sell certified diamonds at well below the retail pricing. Years ago, I actually purchased a diamond pendant for a girl off one of those sites (forget which). The diamond was fine but the setting wasn't of great quality. You get what you pay for I guess. But I agree with everyone else, try a wholesaler before walking in to a jewelery store, unless you enjoy over-paying.