Girlfriend's Crazy Ex-Boyfriend - what to do?

[Incman]

Originally Posted by forex

I don't think anyone is looking down on you,I think people are speaking out of experience. Believe you me, you will forget this girl in no time and it will probably be in your best interest.

Fair enough. I certainly am not trying to be disrespectful to the older and wiser members, but as I've said ad infinitum, at this point I wouldn't be able to break this off even if i did want to.

And in terms of forgetting her, I don't think that will ever happen in my life. I've had several girlfriends (2 serious) in the past, but she is the first woman I've actually felt this strongly about, and I don't throw feelings around easily. I just know in the bottom of my heart she is someone extremely special that I can't and won't just throw away. Perhaps in the end common sense will catch up with me and I'll realize it wasn't a good idea, but as of right now she is more than special enough to take that risk.

 

[ysc]

****** situation man, one I am glad I have never been in so my advice is probably not all that much use, but here it is.
Don't get a kubotan or any silly **** like that, most likely it wouldn't help you much if he did attack you, and you could be in a pretty sticky legal situation if you use one and injure him. If mace is legal where you live I don't see why you shouldn't get that though.
By all means take up a martial art, but you are not going to learn enough quickly enough for it to be useful in this situation.
Talking to the police seems a pretty sensible thing to do.
If it was me I would be trying to get the girl out of the flat with the crazy ex as quickly as possible, having her and her stuff around him is surely making his anger worse and perhaps giving him some kind of fucked up false hope about somehow getting her back through a dramatic gesture like kicking your ass. You want to as quickly and painlessly as possible reduce any potential contact between the crazy ex and you and the girl.

 

[Incman]

Originally Posted by ysc

****** situation man, one I am glad I have never been in so my advice is probably not all that much use, but here it is.
Don't get a kubotan or any silly **** like that, most likely it wouldn't help you much if he did attack you, and you could be in a pretty sticky legal situation if you use one and injure him. If mace is legal where you live I don't see why you shouldn't get that though.
By all means take up a martial art, but you are not going to learn enough quickly enough for it to be useful in this situation.
Talking to the police seems a pretty sensible thing to do.
If it was me I would be trying to get the girl out of the flat with the crazy ex as quickly as possible, having her and her stuff around him is surely making his anger worse and perhaps giving him some kind of fucked up false hope about somehow getting her back through a dramatic gesture like kicking your ass. You want to as quickly and painlessly as possible reduce any potential contact between the crazy ex and you and the girl.

This is all spot on to what I plan to do. unfortunately mace isn't legal here, so I can't do that. Bear spray is legal to buy/carry, but once used it is treated the same legally as mace would be. And yeah, she has plans to leave ASAP (obviously), but due to her financial situation it is all dependent upon her mom. She said her mom is planning on moving at the beginning of January, so fingers crossed.

 

[Joenobody0]

Originally Posted by Incman

Maybe I'll look back in 10 years and regret, but on the other hand I'm quite sure I won't. I'm in school doing all the right things, and having a gf isn't/wont affect that. She's not mentally fucked up, she's very realistic and down to earth.

You've taken a lot of **** (from me) and handled it well. I hope this whole thing works out, but try not to get too involved.

 

[ter1413]

Restraining order does NOT prevent someone from duffing someone out. Especially when the "restrained" finds out they have one against them.

Your GF needs to leave the apt! And honestly, she should have thought of that BEFORE getting involved with someone else. Not saying that is either of your fault..but I would have waited until she sorted out her "issues" b4 falling for her. She has issues(that you can see with the ex) and she WILL have issues with you!

 

[Incman]

Originally Posted by Joenobody0

You've taken a lot of **** (from me) and handled it well. I hope this whole thing works out, but try not to get too involved.

Thanks

I hope so too. I would never let a relationship get to the point where it negatively affects other things in my life (like school and my family and such), and I'm a pretty down to earth person most of the time, so hopefully things turn out for the best.

 

[Master-Classter]

This is a girl that can't/won't take care of her own ****. She's making her problems your problems, and you've got enough of your own. I say focus on what's really important, getting your education, money, friends, etc. In my experience, feeling of love and lust make people act completely illogically and totally warps their perception. The sooner you extricate yourself from this whole situation, the sooner you'll realize how messed up it is. It also makes me wonder what kind of guy you are or she thinks you are considering her history... I guess you're an "upgrade" but still, there are plenty of fish in the sea my friend. Move on, date some normal girls (well, they're all a little crazy) and then fall in love in a few years. if you do decide to continue, I think the restraining order is a good start but I'd draw the line at any BS like martial arts, guns, etc. At most just get some pepper spray or something. No dangerous weapons or suddenly you're the bad guy. I'd also give her some breathing room to sort out her own situation. Tell her you want to be with her but she's got to figure out her own stuff and then you two can move forward.

 

[kwilkinson]

Originally Posted by forex

no younger than 25,how old are you? 22? go back to your kitchen, boy.

 

[Incman]

Originally Posted by ter1413

Restraining order does NOT prevent someone from duffing someone out. Especially when the "restrained" finds out they have one against them.

Your GF needs to leave the apt! And honestly, she should have thought of that BEFORE getting involved with someone else. Not saying that is either of your fault..but I would have waited until she sorted out her "issues" b4 falling for her. She has issues(that you can see with the ex and she WILL have issues with you!

I would have waited too, but I didn't really consciously choose for this to happen. I just finally realized how much she means to me. And no, she didn't really have issues with the ex, she just realized that she didn't want to be with a person like that anymore. As i said earlier, she was young when the relationship started (16), and got manipulated by a 21 year old who likes feeling control over people.

 

[Crane's]

The chances of you getting an RO are slim. Yeah you have a piece of paper but that doesn't mean much. People think you can get an RO because someone threatened you. Don't be surprised if the police tell you there is nothing they can do until the guy actually does cut ********* off or beats you half to death.

And for what it's worth. These two might not be married but they are considered intimate partners in the eyes of the law. You on the other hand are an outsider who is involved with one of the partners while they are still living together. It is unwise to put yourself there for obvious reasons. You also need to be aware of what's called a rebound relationship because you're it.

I would walk away and tell her once she's on her own for a bit and has dealt with the emotional baggage to look you up. I have never seen what you're in the middle of ever working out long term.

 

[ter1413]

Originally Posted by Incman

I would have waited too, but I didn't really consciously choose for this to happen. I just finally realized how much she means to me. And no, she didn't really have issues with the ex, she just realized that she didn't want to be with a person like that anymore. As i said earlier, she was young when the relationship started (16), and got manipulated by a 21 year old who likes feeling control over people.

Is that what she told you??? If she was/is manipulated, SHE IS STILL THERE AND BEING MANIPULATED! The issue is HER....not HIM!!! She has NO friends that she can crash with so that the ex knows that it is serious? NONE!

 

[Incman]

Originally Posted by ter1413

Is that what she told you??? If she was/is manipulated, SHE IS STILL THERE AND BEING MANIPULATED! The issue is HER....not HIM!!! She has NO friends that she can crash with so that the ex knows that it is serious? NONE!

No, that's what I inferred from the situation. There is no possible way we could have been more open and honest with each other in this relationship. And no, she doesn't.

 

[Dakota rube]

I'm getting a very strong deja vu thing here.

 

[TyCooN]

Originally Posted by Incman

Maybe I'll look back in 10 years and regret, but on the other hand I'm quite sure I won't. I'm in school doing all the right things, and having a gf isn't/wont affect that. She's not mentally fucked up, she's very realistic and down to earth.
You'll end up doing what you want regardless of what a couple of guys over a clothing forum will tell you, so how long will it take your girlfriend to find her own place?

I knew a fella that got head from a girl with a tweaker boyfriend. Boyfriend ends up showing up at the "other guy's" work, he's a doorguy, to fight. Tweaker boyfriend ends up getting his AZZ kicked, so he decides to hit the "other guy" with a car. "Other guy" ends up in the hospital for awhile, and the girl who gave him head didn't do anything for him.

Be careful.

 

[ter1413]

Originally Posted by Incman

No, that's what I inferred from the situation. There is no possible way we could have been more open and honest with each other in this relationship. And no, she doesn't.

NO FRIENDS???? I call BS!
Ur family won't put her up on the couch for a month?? I call BS!
None of her family can help? I call BS!