Girlfriends and apartments

[mbc]

okay, so i've run into a bit of a snag. hoping anyone with prior experience (or just an opinion) can help me out.

i'm 22, my girlfriend of just over 2 years is 20. i've recently graduated college, she's still in for another year or so.

she's thoroughly unhappy with where she's living now (horrible roommate, shoddy apartment), and can't afford to get a place herself, so the option of her and i moving in together (probably in august) has come up.

half of me thinks it's a good idea, and the other half thinks that it isn't.

thoughts?

 

[jharrison]

First off,

For what reason(s) does half of you think this is a good idea? For what reasons would it be a bad idea? If I knew what you were hoping to gain from this living arrangement, I might be able to offer more helpful advice.

Frankly, I think the two of you living together is a foolish idea. I feel this way for two reasons, one of them being religious convictions. Secondly, I've known friends, family members, celebrities, etc. that have tried "shacking up". It never works. The relationship ends in shambles. Couples ususally aren't ready to handle the everyday quirks of their partner.

On a more encouraging note...
I do know of one exception. I knew a guy back in high school who met the girl of his dreams in 11th grade. They began living together as soon as they got out of high school.

A few years later, they got married and still are to this day. They love each other more than any two people I've ever met, except for my parents.

It's all up to you. Hope my rantings help.

 

[Renault78law]

I guess I'm a lot less conservative than jharrison...
I'm 24 now, I had lived with my gf very happily for 5 years, so maybe I know where you are coming from. I know tons of people who live with their gf's. Generally, I think living together is a good idea - with one important caveat. Sometimes, you don't really know someone until you live with them; and that goes with gf's as well as any other kind of friend. It can make you or break you. Here's the caveat though: (even though I didn't follow this, I wish I had), I say that you should only live together if you are seriously considering marriage. Heh, and no, not for religious reasons. It's just what you, *ahem* we, are so young. Living with someone is a pretty big step - your lives will essentally consume each others. It takes the relationship to a whole different level, and you have to consider if that's really where you want to take it. And once you decide, you're de facto very committed because now they live with you. And let me tell you, breaking up with your live-in gf is a nightmare from the deepest depths of hell. You thought ending relationships was tough before? You have no idea. Get my drift?
You probably already have a good gig. If she hates her place so much, try finding her a roomate somewhere else. Since you already have your own place, let her stay over as much as she wants - so that she is essentially living with you but is paying rent somewhere else. That's all the benefit without actually having to move in. Yes, I know, it's a waste of money, but I think that IS the way to go...
Sorry about the rambling, I hope this made some kind of sense. Whatever you decide, good luck. I'm sure it'll workout for the best.

 

[vero_group]

Forget the religious moral code of others -- they don't apply to you. Still, from a practical and secular standpoint, I say let her find her own place to live. You'll appreciate having your own privacy and space more than living with her 20-something girl behaviors and habits. Focus on school, your career, and finding out who YOU are in your 20s. Wait until you're in your 30's to live together and/or get married. You'll know yourself better and can choose women better when you're a little older anyway. It takes time to study women and "practice" with them. ;-)

Also keep in mind that although she is your girlfriend right now and she is great and all that, in reality, women come and go -- especially in your youth. You'll have several more girlfriends before you find the right one most likely...  you'll know the right one when you find her. Move in with that one. And maybe even marry her if you feel so inclined.

 

[Fernando]

Hey Man,

I´m 24 and single, however I would recommend that you live by yourself unless you are really considering having a serious and lasting relationship with your girlfriend. If you are with your girlfriend just to have some fun and you know what I mean, but are not really thinking your girl will be a partner for the future, keep living by yourself. The relationship goes to another level once you start living with her and unless you are really prepared I would not advice to do it.

Take Care. :

 

[Dr. Zaius]

I agree with Fernando - moving in with your girlfriend says that you and she are at the point where you like her enough to consider marriage.

Having already established that you two are emotionally and physically compatible, the "moving in" is basically a test of the third aspect of marriage - whether or not you two are "domestically" compatible - whether you can provide a comfortable and loving home together. If that phrase strikes you as funny, ridiculous, or scary, you aren't ready to move in with her.

If, however, she can't find a place to live, then obviously you should let her stay until she can.