Girl Issues, Need Advice vol. infinity

[pstoller]

Originally Posted by blahman

I guess you're right. I guess I should man the **** up and tell her how nutty I was that night (not about her friends) and get things cleared up. I actually vowed to not get drunk again, but who would have thought I got that drunk after 3 drinks that night...

Does it make a difference that I was just being friendly with her and then she was the one who jumped me, but I went along with it because drunken me thought "*******, I'm grabbing ass".

There's nothing to be gained by telling a girl who made out with you that you didn't really mean to/want to, and that you now regret it. It will probably make you feel worse, and"”more importantly"”it will definitely make her feel worse. Unless she's pestering you to get together, extract your lessons from the past and then leave it behind you where it belongs.

 

[blahman]

Thing is I think we're going to bump into each other again as she is a friend of a friend and I see him often enough at social gatherings. My original intent of turning up that night was just to expand on my connections and I made some inroads that night before all the stuff happened. I don't want to be seen as a total asshole when I run into that group of people again, that's why I was thinking about clearing things up, have a laugh about getting drunk and not be completely awkward.

 

[unjung]

Makker never told us what happened at the party. I bet it went swimmingly.

 

[blahman]

Originally Posted by unjung

Makker never told us what happened at the party. I bet it went swimmingly.

That would be swell

 

[pstoller]

Originally Posted by blahman

Thing is I think we're going to bump into each other again as she is a friend of a friend and I see him often enough at social gatherings. My original intent of turning up that night was just to expand on my connections and I made some inroads that night before all the stuff happened. I don't want to be seen as a total asshole when I run into that group of people again…
How does apologizing for making out with a girl who was clearly into it make you look like any less of an asshole? I can only see ways in which it makes you look like more of an ass. Your only problem is if she confronts with, "Why haven't you called me?" Much worse if she does so in front of your mutual friends. However, I suspect she's no more anxious than you are to rehash a drunken groping session—publicly or privately. EDIT: To elaborate on ways apologizing makes you look more like an ass: if you say you're sorry for responding to her advances, all she'll hear is that you consider her undesirable. Blaming it on booze says, "I would never have been interested in you if I weren't drunk." You've pretty much told us that was the case. All you accomplish by making it explicit is to hurt her feelings. Also, as you've just said, your concern isn't for her at all: it's for yourself, because you don't want to look bad to your exisiting and potential connections. Apologizing to her so you'll look good to them pretty much puts you on the same level as the guy who confesses his pseudo-infidelity to his GF on Skype because his guilt is more important to him than her feelings are. This not only makes you an actual cad, but it really makes you look bad to the very people you're trying to impress. So, unless you want your self-destruction with this crowd to be complete, don't apologize to the woman; just be friendly and polite to her in a non-suggestive way whenever you see her, and you both get to keep your diginity (such as it is).

 

[ppllzz]

Originally Posted by unjung

Makker never told us what happened at the party. I bet it went swimmingly.

lol i bet otherwise

 

[gort]

By swimmingly he means some other dude's tadpole's swam down her esophagus while makker waited to be her DD.

 

[blahman]

Originally Posted by pstoller

...
Very insightful response, really got me thinking. I have left it at that then. Come to think of it she is a smart, genuine, fun, energetic, silly and cheeky girl. The only thing is that she's not pretty and it's not like she's disfigured or anything. God, as much as I try to be a gentleman, I'm just as bad as the rest of the shallow ass pricks. Maybe while I'm drunk I actually see past the superficial and go for girls I actually connect with. I actually can't remember a time when I try to hit on someone who has a bad personality, regardless of whether they're pretty or whether I'm drunk. *******. I'm a dick either way.

 

[pstoller]

Originally Posted by blahman

Come to think of it she is a smart, genuine, fun, energetic, silly and cheeky girl. The only thing is that she's not pretty and it's not like she's disfigured or anything.
Well, you could always ask her out on a date and see if you guys can click when you're not hammered. But, if you already know she doesn't turn you on, then it's a bad idea. You just can't reason yourself into a visceral response.

 

[Star]

I need to vent that I have a colleague at work where things did not turn out. I dont want to go into the details other than to say that everytime I think I have got over her 'she pulls me back in!' It is by way of coming by my desk, emailing or messaging me for work related stuff, or I somehow get dragged back via other co-workers we are jointly on good terms with. I am looking forward to the day when I switch companies and I have her out of sight and hopefully out of mind. When I can say to her on my last day at 5pm 'it was nice knowing you but now it is all finnished'.

 

[dfagdfsh]

Originally Posted by Star

I need to vent that I have a colleague at work where things did not turn out. I dont want to go into the details other than to say that everytime I think I have got over her 'she pulls me back in!' It is by way of coming by my desk, emailing or messaging me for work related stuff, or I somehow get dragged back via other co-workers we are jointly on good terms with. I am looking forward to the day when I switch companies and I have her out of sight and hopefully out of mind. When I can say to her on my last day at 5pm 'it was nice knowing you but now it is all finnished'.

so uh, don't let her pull you back in? what exactly is the issue here. you recognize the problem (I'm assuming you wanted some sort of real relationship, but she just wants an emotional boyfriend).. so don't do it?

 

[Star]

Originally Posted by Teger

so uh, don't let her pull you back in? what exactly is the issue here. you recognize the problem (I'm assuming you wanted some sort of real relationship, but she just wants an emotional boyfriend).. so don't do it?

Consciously she wants me in her friendzone and subconsciously I have no doubt I am her 'backup' in ife if things fall through with her current real bf. Neither of these suit me. The challenge is ignoring her given I have been given a project she is on (as an SME) and trying not to come across as 'me' being the 'problem' either through being rude or distant as I end labelled as the one with issues. Either way I will keep comms with her to a minimum, begave professionally and look forward to that job change (whenever that day may come). I probably also need to find someone else to distract me but currently there is no one.

 

[Pundit]

Time for the imaginary girlfriend ploy, there is a thread on it around somewhere...

 

[tagutcow]

Originally Posted by Pundit

Time for the imaginary girlfriend ploy, there is a thread on it around somewhere...

You should be able to rent a fake girlfriend... oh, wait...

 

[unjung]

Lulz. I posted last summer about a coworker who I deal with every single day, who I mistakenly hooked up with, and then had to live with months of super awkward text messages and emails during work hours and late on Saturday nights. I simply ignored them. Although she recently texted me to tell me she doesn't want me to bang the new receptionist, the volume has decreased markedly. In other words, ignore her.