Getting out of a rut

[Popsandfriends]

Hey SF'ers
As my senior year is drawing closer to the end I find myself in such a hole right now. It could be the cold weather, but it's probably just me. I've been feeling really depressed lately. Depressed about school, not seeing myself as having a future in anything, not being able to find a job I like, or find a woman thats compatible with me before my high school experience ends. I wake up and its always a good day or a bad day...the bad far outweigh the good though. On my good days I tell myself that things are getting better...and that night, before I go to bed, I think of ways to make the next day great! But when I wake up, its like amnesia...Im automatically in depressed mood, and I've forgotton everything I told myself.

Is this normal?

I Just have a lack of caring anymore. I've lost touch with my church, I yell at my family. I ***** about my problems to my friends 24/7 like they are all some sort of psychiatrists. I have no motivation to do my school work EVEN WHEN FAILING! School is horrible....I know just about everyone, I wouldnt say im popular, but more of a guy you say hi to in the halls and I hang out with a lot of different groups...but when it comes to the work, I will sit in class and listen to music, twiddle my thumbs, or do anything but work. I've tried to have my teachers push me harder, and Ive tried coming in for extra help...but my lack of motivation kills me. I see what I want to do, yet my body says, just go to sleep and feel sorry for yourself. Just about everyday, someone tries to help me and talk to me. And I always think "This is one of those moments where you have a coming of age moment and change, because it is so profound." But it never changes.

About two years ago this started but it was far worse. I was having panic attacks, anxiety attacks. I would dissociate out of my body, it became physically numb to the touch. I never did medications, just therapy which sort of helped because I havent experienced anxiety to that extent since. I still am always nervous of what people think of me, I feel judged. I feel nervous all the time when I know I should be confident....I just dont get it.

I am killing my friendships, my relationships with my family and church, and any potential love-interest. Can someone shed some light on why things are this way? How can I change?

 

[countdemoney]

You might look at Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). I'm not the same man in winter as I am in summer.

I have not yet tried this, but am strongly considering it:
http://www.fullspectrumsolutions.com...rapy_13_ct.htm

In college, I found that light especially in the morning, made me feel better.

 

[Edward Appleby]

You could always try nature's greatest psychiatric medication...

 

[VMan]

+1, and +1.

 

[Jared]

What are you doing after graduation? I'm sure the answer explains everything.

 

[Popsandfriends]

IF I graduate heh...school seems to bleak

 

[Dakota rube]

You really, really need to get in touch with some counselling young man. I was in a similar emotional place about a year ago and didn't, frankly, care whether I woke up in the morning or not. I finally had a George Bailley thought one night and decided the next morning to get in to see someone.

The psychologist I saw was wonderful. She helped me sort out a lot of stuff that really didn't amount to a hill of beans. After a solid month she was leaving on a sabbatical and I was all freaked out about how I was going to deal with stuff while she was away. She told me I didn't need her help anymore, but to phone if things ever got bad again.

I've seen her once in 12 months, and my life, in spite of a lot of bullshit that still persists on the periphery, is truly great.

I'd also recommend you find a copy of "The Traveler's Gift" by Andy Andrews. Amazingly simple little book helped me immensely.

Just don't try to get through this on your own. There are a lot of people out there who can help you.

 

[Mr. Checks]

I agree about counseling.

As for school, why don't you just stick it out and do your best? Talk to your teachers and they might cut you some slack - let you do make-up assignments. Nobody wants a senior to flunk out in the last semester.

FWIW, I've found that the people who hated high school the most are the ones who liked college the best. Just think: from now on you get to make your own decisions.

Hang in there.