Gaining confidence in social settings

[GQgeek]

You should change your location to your current weight then. I don't talk to people with fat faces, so I need to know when I can and can't talk to you.

 

[ysc]

Don't let height put you off girls, so long as you are not an obese midget with poor personal hygiene you can still get them. Obviously having model good looks helps but don't ever underestimate the power of a winning personality. The biggest player I knew at University was about 5'5" with a pronounced Buddha belly, was otherwise not spectacular looking either, and he went home with a different girl pretty much every time he went out, sometimes he went home with a couple of them.
I'm not quite sure what his magic formula was, but I am sure with perseverance you can get it cracked too. Once you are more comfortable socially I am sure this will just click into place.

 

[sho'nuff]

Originally Posted by youngscientist

Don't let height put you off girls, so long as you are not an obese midget with poor personal hygiene you can still get them. Obviously having model good looks helps but don't ever underestimate the power of a winning personality. The biggest player I knew at University was about 5'5" with a pronounced Buddha belly, was otherwise not spectacular looking either, and he went home with a different girl pretty much every time he went out, sometimes he went home with a couple of them.
I'm not quite sure what his magic formula was, but I am sure with perseverance you can get it cracked too. Once you are more comfortable socially I am sure this will just click into place.

+1
I knew a guy from another place of work who was 5'4-5'5 at the most. This guy was a regional/district supervisor of the company brand I was working for and was a real confident and charming guy. Kind of older like 45 or something but he was such a popular guy at work. He has a beautiful wife and no one ever seems him ,including me, as a short guy. That thought just never comes across to me as he just carried himself very well.

 

[algernon]

Originally Posted by sho'nuff

+1
I knew a guy from another place of work who was 5'4-5'5 at the most. This guy was a regional/district supervisor of the company brand I was working for and was a real confident and charming guy. Kind of older like 45 or something but he was such a popular guy at work. He has a beautiful wife and no one ever seems him ,including me, as a short guy. That thought just never comes across to me as he just carried himself very well.

Professional success = confidence = success in other parts of your life.
I think 95% of getting on with others is the result of self-confidence and someone who can laugh at themselves. Confident people tend to be less guarded (and appear so physically) and appear more approachable.

But yeah, physical appearance has a little bit to do with that but a lot of 'celebrities' and important business people are short....the fact that they either have legitimate confidence or can at least fake it is the difference between make or break. Same with obese people...I've met many overweight people who had enough confidence for 2 people and those are generally the ones who have a lot of friends and a very active social life.

I hate self-affirmation exercises and think most of them are bullshit but everyone can find something in their lives to be confident about, even if it's something minute. Build on that, present it publicly even if you have to fake it. Learn to laugh at yourself, take criticism with a grain of salt and be genuinely friendly. All of those will go a long way. Work on it over time and just like anything else you do on a regular basis, it will eventually become second nature.

*Note: HUGE difference between self-confidence and egoism. Know the difference because others most definitely will.

 

[il ciclista]

i know what you mean, being the class clown to take notice away from the looks, been there done that. I got sick of it and lost a ton of weight and got in shape. Still consider myself funny, although alot of people seem to disagree haha Try joining a toast masters club that also helps as well. You have to practice interactions and speeches and how to lure in a crowd etc.

 

[Dakota rube]

Originally Posted by sho'nuff

+1
I knew a guy from another place of work who was 5'4-5'5 at the most. This guy was a regional/district supervisor of the company brand I was working for and was a real confident and charming guy. Kind of older like 45 or something but he was such a popular guy at work. He has a beautiful wife and no one ever seems him ,including me, as a short guy. That thought just never comes across to me as he just carried himself very well.

Clearly the guy was hung like a horse.

 

[MetroStyles]

Originally Posted by Dakota rube

Clearly the guy was hung like a horse.

A pygmy horse.

 

[57JoeFoMoPar]

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference"

We've all heard it before, but it's the truth. You've got to come to terms with your height. You can't change it, so stop worrying about it. But there are things you can help as far as looks go. Keep at the gym and continue to get in better shape. Have a good sense of style and keep yourself fresh and put together. You'd be amazed how far that goes.

Most importantly, be yourself. Women have a 6th sense of when people are not being themselves and they can smell it all over you if you're trying to impress them. It's definitely not a turn on. I've noticed that it's easier to get women when you're involved in a relationship, and it's no coincidence. I think the reason is that because you have a girl already, you're not actively looking for new conquests and you can talk to women without care, just completely being yourself. They like that.

Focus on the things you do right and draw off of that for confidence. If you've got a good personality, chances are you have a better chance with the ladies than a taller, thinner guy who has the personality of a brick. Dating is a 2 way street, and women are not on this earth for us as men to impress them. It works both ways. As you get a little older it becomes more apparent. Pretty girls are everywhere you look, they come a dime a dozen. Sure we all want to date models, but honestly, your average looking girl is still really attractive, especially when she dresses up for you. So instead of wondering if the girl you're chatting up is impressed by you, ask if you're impressed by her.

Good luck bud

 

[hedgehog]

In most situations, people care more about themselves than about you, and you're seldom the only insecure person in a room. Keep that in mind, and lighten up. Also, take a look in the mirror, and ask yourself if you could do anything to look better today - if so, then do that. If not, then make what you can of what you have.

 

[tc6]

Hey guys, thanks a lot for the advice. I've been trying to keep my height problem out of my mind a lot, because I'm starting to feel like that's my biggest obstacle. However, at my new job, I was forced to meet and greet people for 3 hours and it actually helped me become more open. I think with the combination of working out and generally talking to more people I'll be much better in when I'm meeting new people on campus and at parties.

 

[sho'nuff]

Originally Posted by 57JoeFoMoPar

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference"

We've all heard it before, but it's the truth. You've got to come to terms with your height. You can't change it, so stop worrying about it. But there are things you can help as far as looks go. Keep at the gym and continue to get in better shape. Have a good sense of style and keep yourself fresh and put together. You'd be amazed how far that goes.

Most importantly, be yourself. Women have a 6th sense of when people are not being themselves and they can smell it all over you if you're trying to impress them. It's definitely not a turn on. I've noticed that it's easier to get women when you're involved in a relationship, and it's no coincidence. I think the reason is that because you have a girl already, you're not actively looking for new conquests and you can talk to women without care, just completely being yourself. They like that.

Focus on the things you do right and draw off of that for confidence. If you've got a good personality, chances are you have a better chance with the ladies than a taller, thinner guy who has the personality of a brick. Dating is a 2 way street, and women are not on this earth for us as men to impress them. It works both ways. As you get a little older it becomes more apparent. Pretty girls are everywhere you look, they come a dime a dozen. Sure we all want to date models, but honestly, your average looking girl is still really attractive, especially when she dresses up for you. So instead of wondering if the girl you're chatting up is impressed by you, ask if you're impressed by her.

Good luck bud

+1
Exactly.
Took the words right out of my mouth.

 

[sho'nuff]

I know this guy who works at nordstrom that is a 5'5 or 5'6 guy and this guy looks awesome.
He's really stylin, chic hairstyle I'm pretty sure he paid good money for it, he probably is the only one I know who could rock a hugo boss suit really well (he's got other better brand suits), and he is lean and mean looking and very proportionate for his height. And very great and outgoing personality. I envy this guy because he is so cool (not douchebag 'cool') he's very nice, down to earth, and a very amiable guy.
He just told me recently that he is engaged. I was never surprised I was like thinking 'of course'.

 

[Fuuma]

Originally Posted by sho'nuff

I know this guy who works at nordstrom that is a 5'5 or 5'6 guy and this guy looks awesome. He's really stylin, chic hairstyle I'm pretty sure he paid good money for it, he probably is the only one I know who could rock a hugo boss suit really well (he's got other better brand suits), and he is lean and mean looking and very proportionate for his height. And very great and outgoing personality. I envy this guy because he is so cool (not douchebag 'cool') he's very nice, down to earth, and a very amiable guy. He just told me recently that he is engaged. I was never surprised I was like thinking 'of course'.
Don't worry, there are plenty of other fish in the sea...

 

[airportlobby]

Not to patronize or approach psychobabble, but a big part of growing up is questioning causality and learning to relax. You may be less than confident b/c you are or were fat, or, more likely, you were fat because you were unhappy and lacked confidence. Work towards making yourself happy and fulfilled (by doing and becoming the things you want) and your other problems will diminish or seem less important b/c they are the result of unhappiness. Learning stupid tricks to chat up girls isn't going to get you far. Becoming a happier person will.

 

[sho'nuff]

Originally Posted by Fuuma

Don't worry, there are plenty of other fish in the sea...

hehe