Funeral Attire

[Willie5566]



YOu must get a white shirt, I am surprised you do not already own one. That is like the classic staple of mens clothing.

At least I have that going for me. I actually do have a white shirt. I have a small advantage over the OP.

I think it would be worth it to just go buy a tie that's more funeral appropriate, even if it's just a cheap one.

Will do. What colors/patterns do you guys think is appropriate? Must go with charcoal suit ofcourse.

 

[contactme_11]



charcoal or navy suit. no excuses.

+ 1, and get a white shirt. Few occasions are more important than this when it comes time to show some respect.

 

[contactme_11]



Originally Posted by idfnl

I dont see how this crap matters, what you have is fine, just fine. Nobody is going to look at you and say, my god, his shirt isnt while (although the 'how can you not have a white shirt' comment above is true).

As long as you are within the boundaries of appropriate you are fine. Dont waste energy going after the extra 10% if the occasion has nothing to do with you.

+1

Have any of these guys who are spouting off about rushing to get a white shirt, etc., actually attended a funeral anytime in the past decade or so?

I've attended more than a dozen in the past decade. Buy appropriate clothes. It doesn't matter how others will look. It's up to the individual attending to show some respect

 

[cptjeff]

Willie, if you have the suit I would definitely wear it. If people don't have suits, as is certainly possible in podunk, that's excusable. They'll still be wearing their best, whatever that is.

As for the tie, dark and sober. Black would be the obvious choice, but if it was me, I would buy something I would be happy to wear normally too and treat it as an impulse buy. Probably best to stick to some variation on gray or black, though I could see a navy or maroon being acceptable enough.

 

[Achilles_]



At least I have that going for me. I actually do have a white shirt. I have a small advantage over the OP.



Will do. What colors/patterns do you guys think is appropriate? Must go with charcoal suit ofcourse.

I would go solid in colour. I would do a solid dark navy/black/darker gray personally.

 

[JayJay]

I'd get a black tie.

 

[mack11211]

Just being there is the most important thing.

What you wear is secondary.

A few notes from recent funerals:

A few years ago, my family attended my aunt's funeral in San Jose, CA. My brother, my father and I were the only ones in dark suits, or suits at all. I don't think the widower even wore a tie.

I was the chief mourner at a NYC funeral in late May. I wore a dark striped suit, a white shirt, and a dark tie with a small pattern. I think some other men wore sport coats, ties perhaps. I can't remember. Like I wrote above, it's hardly the most important thing.

I live a few blocks from a funeral home here in Brooklyn and pass by groups of funeral attendees several times a week. Usually the people are dressed in dark colors, but hardly always. Coats and ties are rare.

As Woody Allen wrote, "eighty percent of success in life is just showing up."

 

[Willie5566]



Just being there is the most important thing.

What you wear is secondary.

A few notes from recent funerals:

A few years ago, my family attended my aunt's funeral in San Jose, CA. My brother, my father and I were the only ones in dark suits, or suits at all. I don't think the widower even wore a tie.

I was the chief mourner at a NYC funeral in late May. I wore a dark striped suit, a white shirt, and a dark tie with a small pattern. I think some other men wore sport coats, ties perhaps. I can't remember. Like I wrote above, it's hardly the most important thing.

I live a few blocks from a funeral home here in Brooklyn and pass by groups of funeral attendees several times a week. Usually the people are dressed in dark colors, but hardly always. Coats and ties are rare.

As Woody Allen wrote, "eighty percent of success in life is just showing up."

I find it interesting that you are posting that it does not matter what you wear; yet you have chosen to wear suits to your last 2 funerals. Not picking a fight just an observation.

I agree that discussing what you wear seems trivial when in the big picture someone has passed on. I still think that what you wear has a certain element of respect in it and going in jeans(just as an example) is not acceptable regardless of the reality of the situation. Anyone, of any income level, can afford dress pants and dress shirt. Hell go to Goodwill if you have to. Sadly the decorum is getting lost on these types of things with each passing year. My goal is to show the right amount of respect and not be flashy.

I am going with the suit and will pick up a tie on my way out of town. I am pretty sure I am going to be a pall-bearer and I think that makes it even more important for me to dress right. I will report back any denim sightings.

 

[Harold falcon]

I see two alternatives here.

1. The deceased is now a spiritual being able to observe the funeral. He or she will notice your attempt at appropriate attire and will appreciate it, bringing a sense of peace to his or her spirit for the rest of eternity.

2. The deceased is now non-existent and nothing we do in life matters anyway because we're all going to die so you might as well wear a suit and be well dressed so you get the attention of the deceased's attractive cousin who you now have an "in" with.

Best of luck.

 

[facet]



I see two alternatives here.

1. The deceased is now a spiritual being able to observe the funeral. He or she will notice your attempt at appropriate attire and will appreciate it, bringing a sense of peace to his or her spirit for the rest of eternity.

2. The deceased is now non-existent and nothing we do in life matters anyway because we're all going to die so you might as well wear a suit and be well dressed so you get the attention of the deceased's attractive cousin who you now have an "in" with.

Best of luck.

Lol, way to argue it both ways.

To willie566, when I was in your situation, I just went with a black tie (unfortunately, it is something that I've had to, and will, use again); but I don't see anything wrong with navy/gray.

 

[OceanColorPants]

Wear something sober to show respect, period. Nothing else matters. A funeral is not a normal "formal" occasion because there is always degree of informality- humility in the face of loss, sympathy and companionship, these are the things that are important at a funeral. People want to be close to each other and no one will care if you don't have a suit on.

That said, if you wear a piano tie, you probably shouldn't stick around for the whole ceremony.

 

[mack11211]



I find it interesting that you are posting that it does not matter what you wear; yet you have chosen to wear suits to your last 2 funerals. Not picking a fight just an observation.

I have a sense of what is right for me to wear. And I have these clothes already.

If someone else does not have these clothes, or can't get them in time, I don't think any less of him.

 

[JLibourel]



The deceased is now non-existent and nothing we do in life matters anyway because we're all going to die so you might as well wear a suit and be well dressed so you get the attention of the deceased's attractive cousin who you now have an "in" with.

I've heard of weddings being good places to hook up with the opposite sex. One wedding I attended resulted in a torrid affair with one of the wildest, sexiest, most fun women I was ever involved with. It lasted for about five or six months until she ditched me for another man.

I've never before heard of funerals serving the same function although I suppose it's possible. I have sometimes told this story before in threads on funeral attire, so my apologies for being a repetitive, garrulous old man and telling it again, but the remark about the "attractive cousin" brought to mind a funeral I attended almost seven years ago. Anyway, the deceased's pretty young granddaughters (late teens or early 20s, I think) showed up in "belly shirts" that left their shapely midriffs bare from just below their **** down to low on their hips. It was inappropriate as hell, but the eye candy did mitigate the mournfulness of the funeral. Had I been about 40 years younger (and single), I might have tried hitting on one or the other of the sexy little vixens for a date.

As I recall, I was the only mourner clad in a suit. It was charcoal with faint pinstriping. (Breach of the iGent code, I know!) On the way home I stopped at a shop where I was familiar. The proprietor said it looked as if I had just joined the Mafia. I replied, "Well, I did just come from the funeral of a man called Al Capone." That was the truth, too. Arnold "Al" Capone, proprietor of King's Gun Works, was an eminent gunsmith for more than five decades. He was best known for his pioneering work in combat customizing the Colt 1911.

 

[Willie5566]



I see two alternatives here.

1. The deceased is now a spiritual being able to observe the funeral. He or she will notice your attempt at appropriate attire and will appreciate it, bringing a sense of peace to his or her spirit for the rest of eternity.

2. The deceased is now non-existent and nothing we do in life matters anyway because we're all going to die so you might as well wear a suit and be well dressed so you get the attention of the deceased's attractive cousin who you now have an "in" with.

Best of luck.

Actually a wise person once told me funerals are more for the living than the deceased. I believe that to be quite true. While you want to pay your respects and remember the person that died, a large part of the event is supporting those that were left behind and dealing with a loss.

I am happy to report that the funeral went well. I was pleasantly surprised to see a lot of suits, ties/sport coats, etc. I was definitely not out of place. I think the people were attending were traditionalists and have a sense of what you should wear to a funeral.

That said there were still two jean and one camo cargo short sightings. You would have to be the most oblivious person in the world to walk into an event like that with a room full of ties in camo cargo shorts.

Thanks for the advice.

 

[gbbcmh]

Fuuma- "Necessary for me and yes, I am well aware that funeral directors moved on to dark greys and other dark but less menacing colours so as to be less depressing but still convey a sense of restraint. You won't be invited to my funeral I guess..."

Hold your ground. I'm with you. One either wants to dress correctly and works at it, or it doesn't matter. If paying your respects is what matters, making the effort to dress tastefully shows greater respect. BTW, love your life's a test quote!