Friendships

[robbie]

It seems that as time goes by my friendships continue to change or completely stop all together. I am still friends with a lot of the people I was close to in HS in college, but now that I am out of school and I live 8 hours from home my friends are a small handful.

This may be a ridiculous question, but with limited social networks... how does a person continue to make friends throughout adulthood.

It seems like it should just happen naturally, but it doesn't. I am not a complete recluse, I do go out but somehow I find it much harder now to make new friends than in times past.

Any suggestions that aren't all Dale Carnegie-ish?

robbie

 

[TyCooN]

Have a bunch of hobbies.

 

[DNW]

Originally Posted by TyCooN

Have a bunch of hobbies.

+1. You make friends easier with people with the same interests as you. Some times, if you're fortunate, you can tap into a network of existing friends and become friends with all of them. This is exactly what happened to me.

As for old friends, I still maintain contacts with a few of them (they're hundreds if not thousands of miles away from where I am). All it takes is a phone call or an e-mail now and again to check on how they're doing. I pay them a visit once every couple of years, or vice versa.

 

[whodini]

Originally Posted by DarkNWorn

+1. You make friends easier with people with the same interests as you. Some times, if you're fortunate, you can tap into a network of existing friends and become friends with all of them. This is exactly what happened to me.

+1. Sometimes your friends are stuck in the same boat of knowing limited people like you but if they have a few local friends you could get to know them, too.

I always like it when my buddies tell me that they have a new guy they want to introduce to the group. I've known my friends long enough to trust their friend choices and usually end up liking the guy, who in turn brings some of his friends, and so on. I realize this is a hell of a lot easier in a big city like LA but it's worth a shot.

Hobbies aren't a bad call although personally I don't have any hobbies that require social networking aside from drinking and SF.

 

[delirium]

have hobbies
meet people

join an organization, club, league, team
meet people

get a job
befriend coworkers

get girlfriend
befriend girlfriend's friends

have children
befriend children's friend's parents

 

[gnatty8]

I live far, far away from where I grew up, went to HS, and college, so I have grown apart from most of my good friends, and besides the traditional beers at Christmas and the occasional e-mail, almost never communicate with them at all. I am lucky to have made some decent friends at work, but never socialize with my neighbors at all. You just don't make the quality of friends in adulthood that you made before graduating from college, at least, that's been my experience.

 

[Hard2Fit]

+1.
I can't say I try that hard either though.

 

[maxlin]

Just live your life as you wish and friends will come along..

 

[JayJay]

+1. I maintain a small circle of friends, and like it this way. Every now and then someone comes along whose company and interest I enjoy.

 

[Matt]

One of my favorite things about expat life is how easy it is to make friends out here. Basically cos life is so transient, everyone is always looking for new people to hang out with (cos all your old friends leave), so it ends up like that old Seinfeld line about kids making friends...'you like candy? I like candy...let's be friends'.

Back home, when I moved from Adelaide to Melbourne, I found it much harder.

 

[tiecollector]

If you can have 1or 2 true friends in your life, consider yourself lucky. I have 2 people that I talk to all the time that I've know for 5 years or so that now live over a thousand miles away.

As for more casual friends and acquaintances I tend to meet most of them at work. I think I have a total of 1 from work right now that I actually hang out with outside of work. Sometimes if I'm bored I'll just start talking to people and every once in a while you'll meet someone compatible.

One thing is for sure, you won't meet many friends staying at home. If you have a wife, you don't have time for a lot of friends anyways.

 

[chronoaug]

I feel you, robbie. I don't make good friends very easily. I mean, i have plenty of people i see occasionally or only in certain instances (sport friends, class friends, bar friends) but i only made 2 really close friends in my 4 years at UF that i'd hang out with all the time doing anything (one my ex gf of 3 years).

Hobbies definitely helps. The guy i met here and have been really good friends with the past 4 years, i met playing pickup basketball and i played on his intramural teams and we just became good friends. If you're into sports, most cities and towns have adult sport leagues (softball, basketball, flag football) at YMCAs or run by the city. I've met cool people at bars before while out with friends with whom i have exchanged numbers with and seen occasionally. Don't be afraid to talk to people and engage in interesting conversation with people while out with the fiancee if you two go to a local bar or hangout.

With the eventual marriage and your job, meeting situational friends is probably the best option. A drinking, workout, basketball or sports watching buddy is something that is easier to accomplish.

 

[TyCooN]

become famous

 

[globetrotter]

yeah, this is the hardest part of my life - I had a group of really good friends since high school until I was 37 or 38, when I came to the states. since I moved to the states, I have only made a few friends, and then I moved two years ago and lost some of those. most of my "friends" are parents of kids in my sons class - the kid thing is something that is good to have in common. at work its a little akward - there are only a half dozen people who are my peers at work, a small handful who are higher in rank and then the rest are lower - it might not be the right attitude, but it doesn't feel right doing too much socializing with somebody who reports to a collegue of mine and is a few ranks below me. not because I have anything against them, but I don't want to be in a position where they want to talk about something that I don't think its proper for me to be involved in.

I have a few friends from the gym and krav - but I have almost nothing in common with them.

the funniest thing is when I meet some guy I think that I can be friends with and invite him out for a beer - it is sort of like a date. it can be alittle akward. and, like dating, you find yourself thinking you can do better - I had a beer with a guy last week, the husband of a friend of my wife's, and I was sort of thinking "well, he's nice, but he's really boring - my old best friend was a fighter pilot, can't I do better?"

 

[Souper]

I'm in college - just so you guys know where I'm coming from. I find that having 1-2 best friends or a small, tight clique is best. Friends and acquaintances are a waste of time and money - but should be pursued if only for the purposes of expanding your network. I have lots of great times with my social circle, but when I go home I think to myself... they're not that interesting. I can always find faults that bother me, and I always know I can do better. It's always something about their personality, what I expect them to achieve, their conversation skills or their outlook that has me thinking, I am seriously wasting my time. I could be reading a good book or something. The world is a lonely place. Seek happiness in other areas of your life and meaningful friendships will create themselves.

The one or 2 beers or dinner that I share with my best friends on the rare occasions I see them are so much more enjoyable than the myriad meaningless social events that consume the rest of my free time.