Friends

[JTerry]

You know, now that I think about it I really do not have a best friend. Someone to go hunting and fishing with. I am not a behind and really enjoy life. Most of the people I associate with are my marching band parents. I consider them friends, but not someone who calls me up just to talk about things.
Now that I turned 50, I'm starting to feel a little melancholy about this.
Am I an odd ball?

 

[jpeirpont]

You know, now that I think about it I really do not have a best friend. Someone to go hunting and fishing with. I am not a behind and really enjoy life. Most of the people I associate with are my marching band parents. I consider them friends, but not someone who calls me up just to talk about things.
Now that I turned 50, I'm starting to feel a little melancholy about this.
Am I an odd ball?

Its good to have friends. I dont have any sense left my home town. I am not very friendly so I likely wont make any.

 

[Harold falcon]

Marching band parents? Dear god, I thought my life was bankrupt.

 

[seattlefromson]

I would love to have friends again...

I had friends in college.

When I moved to pursue my Master's degrees (in Utah), I assumed I would be a hermit, just like I am now, but then I was having lunch and these very fine gentlemen approached me: "Can we sit with you?" "Yes, please go ahead," I answered. It felt very spontaneous, not forced. This was good because I hate forced interactions. The majority of them were Mormons. We had very interesting, fun conversations. I was reluctant to tell them I was a gay man at first because I enjoyed their company; however, I eventually disclosed my orientation and, to much of my surprise, they didn't care.

We continued meeting daily for lunch and dinner; sometimes we'd meet to practice our Spanish and Portuguese and I enjoyed their presence a great deal. I still exchange e-mails with some of them sporadically.

But then I moved to Vancouver, Canada, and Vancouver just felt like a toxic city. Vancouverittes were (are) epically annoyed because of the real estate situation in the city: a modest appartment there in a traditionally blue collar neighborhood costs millions. I am not Asian myself, but there was so much prejudice against Asians. That, and I was living there as an immigrant, and people assumed, I guess, that I was there to make the city's problems worse. So it was just an awful experience.

And then I moved to Seattle to be near family --love my family--, but as far as friendships go, nope, none.

I tried. But all of the friendships I made felt like forced ones, not spontaneous, not natural. They didn't last. I don't seem to blend with Seattleites.

I do understand that I am a difficult type, depending on the perception of many people.

I wake up early, I tend to go to bed early, I don't drink, I don't go to bars. Most people here freak me out a little: they get drunk on Friday nights --like completely drunk-- and starting shouting non-sense at midnight. Not that I am judging. I just don't see myself as part of the local scene.

Full disclosure: I come from a broken home, parents' marriage was very dysfunctional, my dad got super drunk on weekends to escape his reality... and it was not nice. Do I have problems beyond OCD? Yeah, my childhood didn't feel nice.

Technically, I am not allowed to drink because of my OCD meds, but the truth is that I made the decision to not consume any alcohol as a child before I was even diagnosed with OCD.

I am also very goal-oriented. I didn't have anything handed to me. I fought for what I was able to achieve. Some say I am self-centered... and I assume I will be self-centered, if being self-ecentered means getting things done.

With all of those things being said, I guess... I guess it would be nice to have friends like my Mormon friends, we got along so well, and it'd be nice to feel understood or simply to have someone to talk about things I like: "No, dude, you can't wear this sport jacket; it doesn't go with your skin tone." "Yes, let's talk careers and jobs and investments." "Yo, let's go thrift shopping together." All of those things would be very nice.

But, for now, I enjoy my solitude, I enjoy silence, I have my hobbies, and, more importantly, I am happy with life as it is.

If I get to have friends like my Mormon friends again, great;
if not, I don't know, I just hope I will not regret when I am 40 or 50.

 

[Harold falcon]

Friends are overrated. Start with a dog. Dogs are nice.

 

[seattlefromson]

Friends are overrated. Start with a dog. Dogs are nice.

Cats are better. I love my cat.

 

[Harold falcon]

I was just beginning to tolerate you.

 

[seattlefromson]

I was just beginning to tolerate you.

 

[Piobaire]

We had very interesting, fun conversations. I was reluctant to tell them I was a gay man at first because I enjoyed their company...

But, for now, I enjoy my solitude, I enjoy silence, I have my hobbies, and, more importantly, I am happy with life as it is.

Something here doesn't quite match up.

Oh, I am not single. I have been happily married for 10 years.

 

[seattlefromson]

Something here doesn't quite match up.

Yeah, I have been happily married for 10 years now. I love my family. I just don't have friends outside of my family circle.

My spouse is my best friend... but I can't demand him to give me his full attention 24/7. No relationship could endure that.

 

[Piobaire]

Yeah, I have been happily married for 10 years now. I love my family. I just don't have friends outside of my family circle.

My spouse is my best friend... but I can't demand him to give me his full attention 24/7. No relationship could endure that.

Living with someone is the opposite of solitude.

Where did you get married?

 

[seattlefromson]

I don't agree with your opinion that living with someone is the opposite of solitude.

My spouse works a full time job, he absolutely doesn't require me to have a job.

"Look, you don't have to get a job," he says. Plus, nobody understands me as well as he does. I consider myself the luckiest of men because I don't think I would have married anyone else other than my spouse. He gets me.

From my experience, two people in a relationship need their own space. For example, my spouse loves camping, whereas I don't. If he wants to go camping, then yeah, I will pack his things and say go, just come back safe. Similarly, my spouse cannot tolerate clothes or suits (it is so difficult to get him to wear a suit), so it would be unfair of me to ask him to spend 4 hours with me carefully examining fabrics and the quality of clothes either at a thrift store or at Saks OFF 5th. So we love each other, but we also give each other space.

He works very hard, a tough 8-5 job, and if it were up to him, I wouldn't have to work.

But I want to work. I expect to be working as a teacher full time next year.

I want to be strong for him.

 

[Piobaire]

There's no such thing as a tough job that is merely 8-5.

 

[seattlefromson]

Are you married, Piobaire?

 

[Piobaire]

Why do you ask?