Friends With Money: The Struggling Student's Perspective

[FidelCashflow]

For all you struggling students out there, how do you feel about friends who are better of than you? Are you indifferent to your friends having more money than you and being able to afford whatever they like, does it bother you deep down despite you hanging out with them? Do you consider it unnecessarily showy? Do you with they would give you some? Do you wish they would just stop talking about it and try not to let it show? Do you wish they would just be honest about it and not patronizing?

I ask because I have a friend who's trying to make it on his own, and I hang out with him alot, but I'm on easy street right now. I remember picking him up once so we could go see a movie, and before that I went to get fitted for a suit. After we left the store he said "whoa... you just spent a few months worth of my rent on a suit." I try to look out for him as best I can and help him keep his spirits up. A week ago he wanted to come with me to a ball hockey tournament I was going to, but he didnt have proper gym clothes, so we zipped by the mall and I brought him some track pants and a pair of adidas shoes.

Sometimes I worry I might be rubbing people the wrong way and making them feel bad (but not you guys

)

 

[TyCooN]

The last time I felt jealous was 8th grade.

 

[username79]

All my old friends stare at me when the check comes, then pretend to be surprised and appreciative when I pick it up.

 

[Stazy]

Interesting question.

I'm not sure there are very many struggling students on SF, at least not to the extent of your friend.

At least for a university student, I would also consider myself to be on "easy street". I really make an effort not to be showy about it though. Besides the fact that I own a fairly nice car (And I usually just tell people it's my dads), I'm guessing most acquaintances would not know that I come from a high income family.

As far as my good friends are concerned, I would say that I have the most money out of all of them. However, none of them are really struggling financially either. Some of them have lawyers for parents and what not. In situations when I am with them, I still make an effort to keep things low key. I never talk about how much I pay for things nor do I do any shopping with them. All my expenditures are private. I also tone down some of the luxuries that I am able to enjoy. For example, none of my friends know that I fly business/first class. When I go on vacation, I just tell everyone I fly coach.

If you really make an effort to be humble about your finincial situation, I don't think there is anything you can do if people still have a problem with how much money you have. It is probably time to find new friends if that is the case.

 

[ken]

Originally Posted by Stazy

Interesting question.

I'm not sure there are very many struggling students on SF, at least not to the extent of your friend.


I think there are more than a few, actually. I certainly was one when this board first started and have since graduated to middle-classitude.

As long as you get him drunk every once in a while, he should be fine.

 

[Britalian]

I liked the movie. Aniston is very watchable.

 

[Uomo Di Fretti]

If he's truly your friend it shouldn't be a huge deal. If he actually is struggling (as i was when I was a student), it may be hard to see someone spending large amounts of money on things that to him could appear to be luxuries. You may want to limit his exposure/knowledge of your spending habits for his sake, but simply knowing that someone has more money than you shouldn't be a barrier to friendship.

All that being said, Ken put it succinctly:

"As long as you get him drunk every once in a while, he should be fine."

 

[Piobaire]

I was very poor growing up. I mean, under the poverty level many years. When I left home at 17, I busted my hump for everything and had friends with expensive boats, houses, cars, etc. funded by their parents. Yes, I wished I had had everything handed to me and often wondered why I had to have been born poor. I developed some friends in my late teens, early 20s, that came from humble backgrounds like me, but they failed to rise up out of it. Now in our 30's, it does present some awkwardness if you are not careful. So I do things like buy them airline tickets, as Xmas presents, to come visit. It is tough though, as my adult set of friends are all by and large good income earners so my friends of 20 years really do not live in this world. I just never let who picks up the bill get in the way of a long term friendship.


The interesting thing is, to a man, my friends from my youth that had it all given to them are either dead, destitute, or otherwise messed up.

 

[SoCal2NYC]

Originally Posted by Britalian

I liked the movie. Aniston is very watchable.

I really, really like Frances McDormand.


FidelCashFlow,
It's you, not your friends that has the problem.

 

[edmorel]

Originally Posted by Britalian

Aniston is very watchable.

 

[Edward Appleby]

Originally Posted by SoCal2NYC

I really, really like Frances McDormand.


FidelCashFlow,
It's you, not your friends that has the problem.

Well he did say he worried about rubbing people the wrong way...

I would certainly never bring somebody with me to get a suit fitted if it was an expense many orders of magnitude greater than what he could afford, unless it was a really old friend and I knew he was cool with it.

 

[globetrotter]

I was pretty poor through high school, and up to about the age of 20 or so. two of my best friends are quite well to do - as in not ever having to work inherited money. I don't think that it was ever a major issue - I can't remember them ever buying me clothes or anything like that, and I don't know that I would have accepted anything like that, but it really didn't get in the way of our friendship.

 

[GQgeek]

Originally Posted by SoCal2NYC

I really, really like Frances McDormand.


That's why you're gay.

 

[imageWIS]

Originally Posted by GQgeek

That's why you're gay.

Yes, but you're gay for other reasons.

Jon.

 

[GQgeek]

Originally Posted by imageWIS

Yes, but you're gay for other reasons.

Jon.