Friend of mine just died while giving birth

Discussion in 'Social Life, Food & Drink, Travel' started by jsherman02, Nov 24, 2010.

  1. globetrotter

    globetrotter Senior member

    Messages:
    20,605
    Likes Received:
    391
    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2004
    Location:
    greater chicago
    wow, this is horrible. I am very sorry for your loss.

    one thought - if this is the first kid, they might not have life insurance for the wife, we didn't get it until after our fist kid. the husband might be in a very difficult situation with child care.

    what rube said - be there to help support, and for the husband to cry on your shoulder, if you are that close.
     


  2. acidboy

    acidboy Senior member

    Messages:
    21,170
    Likes Received:
    1,740
    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2006
    offer your help, as the rest have already said, not just now but in the days, months, years to come. but don't be too intrusive, and respect their privacy too.

    sad to hear about your friend.
     


  3. Sazerac

    Sazerac Senior member

    Messages:
    607
    Likes Received:
    11
    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2010
    Location:
    Colorado
    My deepest, most sincere condolences.

    I don't know if you have kids yourself. I have two little girls. Under the very best of circumstances, having a child is utterly terrifying. I literally cannot imagine what the poor father must feel when the terror of being a new dad is combined with the most profound grief.

    He's in an emotional hurricane right now. The best thing you can do is be his friend no matter what he does, no matter what he says.

    As others have pointed out, the help he receives from casual friends and family will die down in a month or so. Be there for him afterwards. Indulge his tirades, rants, bouts of tears. Help him with the kid. Even if you don't have children yourself, you know as much as he does. Don't be afraid.

    Be his friend even when he exhausts you. You'll be a better man and he'll certainly appreciate it.
     


  4. MetroStyles

    MetroStyles Senior member

    Messages:
    15,831
    Likes Received:
    30
    Joined:
    May 4, 2006
    Location:
    New York Shitty
    That sucks man. Hopefully he doesn't harbor any kind of subconscious negativity toward the kid.
     


  5. Cary Grant

    Cary Grant Senior member

    Messages:
    9,673
    Likes Received:
    406
    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2008
    Location:
    Knee deep in curds
    That's unfortunate.

    Not sure what your comfort level for this would be, but make a contribution to start a college fund for the kid, and encourage others to do the same...?


    Sorry for the troubles. And to HRoi's suggestion, we actually did that for a friend.
     


  6. Johnny_5

    Johnny_5 Senior member

    Messages:
    4,325
    Likes Received:
    4
    Joined:
    May 14, 2007
    Location:
    In the woods
    This is horrible news and my condolences. I dont know what the fuck I would do if that happened to someone I cared about. Be well.
     


  7. Mr Herbert

    Mr Herbert Senior member

    Messages:
    1,692
    Likes Received:
    10
    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2009
    terrible. condolances.

    what rube said - be there to help support, and for the husband to cry on your shoulder, if you are that close.

    i imagine even with insurance it would be so difficult - money (although a great help) would only lift some of the burden. combined with the greiving process which would make it even harder.

    really terrible - i cant imagine the mix of emotions the father must be going through.
     


  8. Master-Classter

    Master-Classter Senior member

    Messages:
    8,508
    Likes Received:
    1,237
    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2007
    Location:
    Toronto, Canada
    I'm at a loss. Please keep us updated.

    maybe ask their rabbi/shul if there's anything you can do?
     


  9. jsherman02

    jsherman02 Senior member

    Messages:
    999
    Likes Received:
    1
    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2006
    Location:
    Northeast Ohio
    Thanks for the many suggestions- while I have experienced death with my relatives, at the ripe age of 35 I have not deal with many friends passing away. I have a five year old son, and could not imagine going at it alone with an infant and grieving a death of a spouse.
     


  10. texas_jack

    texas_jack Senior member

    Messages:
    10,266
    Likes Received:
    480
    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2006
    Location:
    Hobart, IN
    Crazy I didn't know that still happened in America. Sorry bro
     


  11. Eason

    Eason Bicurious Racist

    Messages:
    14,669
    Likes Received:
    1,901
    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2007
    Location:
    Bangkok
    Stick with him after, be the good friend you've always been.
     


  12. style_goat

    style_goat Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    60
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2010
    Location:
    Long Island, NY
    Damn terrible. I send my sincerest condolences. The irony is that I have just recently begun to grow concerned something of this nature will happen to my pregnant sister or she will lose the child she is so excited about. This thread hasn't allayed my concerns. Be strong.
     


  13. Synthese

    Synthese Darth Millennial Dubiously Honored

    Messages:
    8,408
    Likes Received:
    29,337
    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2009
    Location:
    COLONY WORLD 21XX
    Organize food runs. I can't tell you how important this is. He's not going to want to do anything, much less cook. If you have a group of friends, get them together and have people bringing pre- or mostly pre-made meals every day if you can. If he has family moving in with him, give him an outlet - if he wants one. If there are people who can help out with other simple tasks - walking the dog, groceries, that sort of thing - so much the better.

    If there is any way to help him with funeral/preparatory arrangements, do this. It's impossible to be clearheaded while trying to plan the memorial service of a loved one. Talk to his (and her) family about this, and offer to help organize things.

    Little things add up - keep that in mind. Any kind of burden that you can take off of him will be appreciated more than you'll know.

    Keep an eye on him.

    Also, don't expect a giant show of gratitude. Understand that he's probably just trying to survive right now. He'll be thankful for whatever you can do, but don't expect him to be able to show it.

    Most importantly, as others have said, the help can't last only a week - months, at least. Maybe a year. I can't imagine dealing with a newborn at the same time as a death.

    Condolences.
     


  14. unowho

    unowho New Member

    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2010
    So sorry for you and your friend's family.
    You can try to offer your help during the baby's growth.
     


  15. Monaco

    Monaco Senior member

    Messages:
    803
    Likes Received:
    18
    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2010
    Just make sure you're there for your friend if he needs it. Try to call him every couple days to see how he's doing and if he needs to talk. Maybe bring over some friends once a week just to keep him company and give him a little normality/sanity.

    This is the toughest time for him because he is now widowed with a newborn baby, he probably doesn't know what to do with it and is still mourning his wife. Terrible time, I hope all is well with him. Reassure him that you will be there to help out with whatever, not just say but actually do.

    If you guys can afford it, make sure you get that baby mothers milk, none of that formula crap.

    Good Luck though and keep us updated.
     


Share This Page

Styleforum is proudly sponsored by