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Flakey women - Why do you torture me so?

Brian SD

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Let me take a moment to explain my situation. The dating situation in Korea for Americans is neither here nor there. There's an unfortunate disparity between the kind of girls I want, and the kind of girls who want an American. I've heard people go on and on about how they're landing all these gorgeous Korean girls despite being dumpy looking dudes, but when I've finally come face to face with said "gorgeous Korean girls," it's always been underwhelming. I've come to accept that my pickings are not creme of the crop. I'm not an expert on Korean culture, but all signs point to a very slim likelihood that really attractive girls would go for a non-Korean who isn't balla status. If these princesses are only interested in body-hairless guys who text them 800 times a day and carry their designer purses around for them, then so be it. Even with my compromised expectations, I still have gotten nothing but shit. I broke up with my girlfriend about three months ago, and since then I've had nothing but failure after failure after failure. I haven't had this poor luck in dating in years, and it's not only disheartening, but I can't fucking figure out why SO many times, I will have an absolutely stellar evening with a girl, only to be ignored in the following weeks. Yes. Now it's happened THREE times, where I've gone out on good dates, made them laugh, did all the right things that work for girls in the States, only to be met with miserable, mortifying failure. One girl who I met was a rare gem in that she actually had developed her own taste in music, movies, culture, etc. and shocked me to near oblivion when she told me her favorite movie is Once. Meeting such a girl is no rare feat in the USA, but while I often associate this kind of taste with all kinds of negative stereotypes, for this girl it all worked out because she's sharp – a student of the top university in Korea, 7 in looks, maybe more if you have a generous scale (which is fine by me), a fantastic body, and most of all she speaks English well. I did the whole "disappearing act" where I didn't contact her after originally meeting her. (to be fair I didn't do it on purpose, there was another girl, much cuter, who was admittedly very much into me at the time). I texted the Once girl a few weeks later, and was met with the response, "It's been too long since we talked. I MISS YOU SO MUCH." Of course I was slightly shocked, and kind of excited to get this kind of response. Yet in the coming weeks, every scheduled plan we had, she would cancel on me the day before. This week she tells me "I really want to see you" and when I suggested that we meet on the weekend –Â for some harmless fucking coffee –Â I get another bullshit excuse and rejection. This is not a singular experience. Damn near the same thing has happened to me three times now. This really cute girl (previously mentioned) who was an excellent dancer, who I went on numerous very successful dinner/drinks/dancing dates on with, and who on our last meet was hanging off my arm while we walked home, talking about how happy she was. After that? Not a fucking word. No response to texts, no response to email, no response to phone calls. I've had girls who found me online seem to revel in excitement with the opportunity to meet completely cut me off from communication the day before the scheduled date with not a word of explanation. My latest was a girl who I went out with on saturday night, had a good conversation with, impressed her friends who all think I'm a decent looking guy, and even received a follow-up "how are you" call not but 30 minutes after the date was over. Four days ago, it was looking fantastic. As of two days ago, I'm feeling insignificant, as of today it appears I've been cut off completely. AGAIN. What the fuck am I doing wrong? I only attempt contact every couple of days, I usually keep it brief and don't do anything that lands you in the "friend zone," yet every woman I've began to get close to just shuts the damn door on me and walks off without a single explanation as to what the hell is going on. It's not like I'm fighting out of my league here. I'm not a bad looking guy, and in many respects I think I'd be a pretty decent catch, and its not like I'm going for the queens of Korea. Most of these girls are 6-7s with an occasional 8. I'm in hopeful contact with a 9 right now but of course I don't expect much given my history. Has anyone else had such a miserable streak of failure as I'm going through right now?
 

grundletaint

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that sucks! i don't have much to add because i know nothing about korean culture or dating practices, but i feel for you, man. keep your head up and something will work out.
 

Thomas

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I am skipping all my normal snarky replies to just wish you better luck with the next one. I have no idea what gives - perhaps wearing an Obama badge might bring you better luck?
 

Brian SD

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Well thanks. I really just wish I had some semblence of a clue on what to do to avoid this same thing from happening every fucking time. If I was doing absolutely nothing wrong, I can't imagine this would keep happening.
 

DNW

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B, you need to get out of this rut. Don't wait for them to call you. You're the baller here. You need to let them know that you don't waste time with flaky bitches--in advance. If they can't play ball, move on. You're a hot commodity in Korea, use it to your advantage. Need I send you a copy of "The Game"?
 

nate10184

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No advice to give just confirmation that Asian girls are weird. Once you learn to accept that you will probably be more happy and successful. I wouldn't beat yourself up about this stuff. I also wouldn't worry too much about the American "rules" of courtship because most likely they are different there.

I used to think that all girls are more or less the same across cultures. While this is true to some extent, my current gf did some thing when we first me that were utterly bizarre. If she had been American I would have given up then and there but I had a sense it was just a cultural thing and rolled with it.
 

SoCal2NYC

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I'd never flake on you.
 

ratboycom

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Perhaps you need to refresh your scheme, seems like you are still taking an objective American view to the subject. If you have an Korean buddies hit them up for tips on how they land the second date. Probably your easiest solution right there. Good luck man.
 

GQgeek

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Originally Posted by DarkNWorn
B, you need to get out of this rut. Don't wait for them to call you. You're the baller here. You need to let them know that you don't waste time with flaky bitches--in advance. If they can't play ball, move on. You're a hot commodity in Korea, use it to your advantage. Need I send you a copy of "The Game"?



Originally Posted by Brian SD
Has anyone else had such a miserable streak of failure as I'm going through right now?

Nope! Thanks for sharing your misery with us though.
Anyway, aren't asian chicks really immature? Maybe you SHOULD be messaging them 800 times a day, although i can imagine what a pain in the ass that would be. Maybe jinda has some advice for you, because i really don't know the culture.
 

DNW

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Oh, btw, if there's one thing I learned from the Korean girls that I've met--they like the abuse. Seriously. Look at how their Korean boyfriends treat them, and yet they keep tagging along like a piece of shit at the end of a rope. If you're nice, they might think you're a lesser man. And you don't want to be a lesser man, do you?
 

thekunk07

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brian, not being a douche, just wondering:

why do you live in korea?
 

matso1236

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Give her something to remember you by, i know my age may tell otherwise, but i find that if you build enough attraction, but also building comfort will stop her from flaking. The other way is also true, if you only talk about things you like and do, she will remember she had a great conversation with you, but the next day it will be more of a friend thing.

I used to get this a lot because at my ages parties are quite common, most girls i met and had a good time with me were only attracted to me THAT SPECIFIC NIGHT, but in the morning they had nothing outstanding to remember me by, make sure you get some conversation pieces in there while still keeping attraction..

A good way to stop flaking is to establish a corny nickname for her, so when you call (prefer text), you greet her with her nickname, she will instantly remember what she liked about you, and the experience that led up to that nickname..

Great example is a party i went to this halloween party on saturday, i was there and talked to this girl for 30 minutes or so, we had a blast, then we danced and went on with the night ( i got her number in those 30 minutes).. We established a name, i called her barbie, because of her blonde hair, and her Legalo Blonde 2 outfit.. Monday afternoon at around 5 i text her saying:

"Hey barbie, i was cleaning my toys and found one of your friends, lets get some coffee and you can introduce me"

This line was oh so corny but it was enough for her to remember who i was, she replied back with a "Sure ill see you at 5" and we had a great evening/night.



I also find Asians are quite uptight in the sense of their ego, just make sure you don't come off as mr. nice guy, one of the guys above said it best, look at their boyfriends, i don't mean to say you should beat her ass, but don't take her shit and make sure to tease her a lot...
 

lee_44106

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Brian,

I don't think you can take the strategies that works well in the states and apply them in Korea. It would appear that you have done so to very little success. Perhaps a change in strategy is in order?

I would concur with asking some native Korean guys for tips. I have read and witnessed that status symbols are quite important in the Asian cultures. Are you lacking some obvious bling-bling?

Best wishes nontheless.
 

globetrotter

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brian, good luck. what about expats?
 

nate10184

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Yeah I think what American girls would consider overbearing and clingy might just be normal for asians. If you like a girl I would really press the issue and see what happens - it feels unnatural for us but its probably what she is expecting.
 

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