Five sheets is not enough - the official clean ass thread

[acidboy]

do you wipe the bird **** off your car windshield with a dry rag? use those moist wipes, or at least moisten your first tissue wipe with water!

 

[eml4sker]

This thread is just scratching the surface. People haven't even gotten into wiping while standing vs. sitting yet.

 

[ZhiMingBuFanDe]

Originally Posted by Dakota rube

cottonelle stings; I am a charmin user.

I use those. Much better than dry toilet paper, although my house still has 3 bidets.

On a slightly related note, is anyone here disappointed in the use of single-sheet toilet paper in finer restaurants?

 

[frenchy]

Originally Posted by eml4sker

This thread is just scratching the surface. People haven't even gotten into wiping while standing vs. sitting yet.

pun itended?

definitely sitting...oh and what about a wipe from the front vs the back? (i gotta story about that if anybody wants to hear)
also my brother law according to my sister pees sitting down whats up with that?

 

[Superfluous Man]

Originally Posted by eml4sker

This thread is just scratching the surface. People haven't even gotten into wiping while standing vs. sitting yet.

Another forum I frequent has debated this and the fold versus scrunch methods ad nauseam.

 

[Rambo]

Originally Posted by Dakota rube

cottonelle stings; I am a charmin user.

THANK YOU!!!! Finally someone who agrees with me on this. The Charmin are WAY better. Softer too.

 

[willpower]

Originally Posted by Rambo

THANK YOU!!!! Finally someone who agrees with me on this. The Charmin are WAY better. Softer too.


Well, now I've got to try 'em. I guess my beloved Cottonelle can take a break for a bit.

 

[bbaquiran]

Can anyone explain why Americans don't use bidets?

 

[ZhiMingBuFanDe]

Originally Posted by bbaquiran

Can anyone explain why Americans don't use bidets?

I would guess because of expenses.

 

[bbaquiran]

Even the hose/sprayer-type bidets?

 

[stevester1]

Originally Posted by frenchy

i gotta story about that if anybody wants to hear

yyyyeeeesssssss?

 

[word]

Originally Posted by bbaquiran

Can anyone explain why Americans don't use bidets?

We are cheap bastards.



Also, why the **** do you guys take showers after a ****. wtf? Do you squeeze your ass cheeks together while dropping a turd so it smears all over yourself? Or do you have a wild jungle of ass hair that catch dingleberries every time? Please tell me that your internal clock just times your ***** to happen before your already routine shower.

 

[Omega Man]

Originally Posted by Superfluous Man

Ever wonder how blind people know when to stop wiping?

That is a question for the day!

 

[willpower]

Originally Posted by bbaquiran

Can anyone explain why Americans don't use bidets?
I think the argument is that it is just as easy to jump in the shower to wash your nether regions if you need to.

 

[frenchy]

Originally Posted by stevester1

yyyyeeeesssssss?

well since you asked...about 10 years ago when i was in FULL party mode me and 2 friends went to a really wild house party.as per usual we drank waaaaaaaay to much.i make my way to the bathroom (only one in the house) to hurl where my friend is already taking a dump as it turns out.
well i couldnt hold it in so i went in and threw up in the bathtub (like for ten minutes) as im doing this my OTHER friend walks in and has the same idea (hurl) so he takes the only other available option...the sink.so imagine the three of us,one taking a really long beer dump and the other two just puking our guts out,and it was those long gut wrenching pukes from mixing spirtis with beer and **** it just didnt stop...UNTIL:
the friend taking a dump,takes a few sheets of toilet paper and proceeds to wipe his ass not from the back but from the front (???)
now at this point as fucked up as me and sink puker were we still had the cohesion to look at each other like what the **** was that?
next day me and sink puker talked and asked the same question,did we really see what we saw?why would he wipe from the front and drag all his **** across his balls rather then the conventional from the back way...to this day we never asked him about it and the mystery remains.