Five sheets is not enough - the official clean ass thread

[Jay Gatsby]

I've read on the web that you should use five sheets to wipe your ass. That's not enough for me. Generally this is the procedure that I follow:

1 - wipe ass with about four sheets in my hand (to avoid getting crap on my fingers)
2 - Look at toilet paper. Is there a lot of crap on it? If so, go to step 1

This results in at least five ass wipings. I wipe until no crap comes off on the toilet paper. And sometimes if I come back 10 minutes later and wipe ****** again, there is fresh crap.

Is there something wrong with me? Or is everyone else walking around with a dirty ass? Discuss.
Do not include pictures in this thread.

 

[willpower]

Dry toilet paper is barbaric. Use these.

 

[Superfluous Man]

Do you fold or scrunch the paper? Ever wonder how blind people know when to stop wiping?

 

[Harold falcon]

Originally Posted by willpower

Dry toilet paper is barbaric. Use these.

x2. I keep those at the office and in my car for when I'm not at home. If I **** at home I almost always shower immediately afterward.

 

[Dakota rube]

Originally Posted by willpower

Dry toilet paper is barbaric. Use these.

cottonelle stings; I am a charmin user.

 

[Jabal-Tariq]

Originally Posted by Jay Gatsby

I've read on the web that you should use five sheets to wipe your ass. That's not enough for me. Generally this is the procedure that I follow:

1 - wipe ass with about four sheets in my hand (to avoid getting crap on my fingers)
2 - Look at toilet paper. Is there a lot of crap on it? If so, go to step 1

This results in at least five ass wipings. I wipe until no crap comes off on the toilet paper. And sometimes if I come back 10 minutes later and wipe ****** again, there is fresh crap.

Is there something wrong with me? Or is everyone else walking around with a dirty ass? Discuss.
Do not include pictures in this thread.

everytime i take a dump i wipe ****** about once then guess what I do? GET IN THE SHOWER. I get in the shower EVERYTIME i use the bathroom

 

[evilbananas]

I have a Biffy Bidet, and would highly reccomend one.

 

[frenchy]

while on the subject:
why do we as humans look in the toilet after taking a dump?
i mean what the **** do we expect to see in there?
a pot of gold?
is this thing on?is this thing on?

 

[frenchy]

Originally Posted by Superfluous Man

Do you fold or scrunch the paper? Ever wonder how blind people know when to stop wiping?

their ass is "braille"

 

[Monaco]

Guys, if you need that much paper and effort to wipe after poopin, that means your GI system is not healthy. A healthy poop is long,effortless, minute odor, thick and usually has very minimal to no residue.

All in all, fix your GI = fix your TP.

 

[LucasCLarson]

This thread is great.

The more perfect you fold the TP, the more wipes it yields. Just sayin.

 

[Superfluous Man]

But if you scrunch it then you can get all the poo in one fell swoop!

 

[Listi]

Originally Posted by frenchy

while on the subject: why do we as humans look in the toilet after taking a dump? i mean what the **** do we expect to see in there? a pot of gold? is this thing on?is this thing on?
Not everyone looks in the toilet after taking a dump. I'm not going to say I never have done such a thing, but I really wouldn't consider it a regular occurrence. And I wipe as many times as needed. I'd imagine it ranges from 2-8 depending on what's needed. I sometimes take a shower after using the toilet, I really do not understand why in the US and Canada that bidets are not standard... it'd be so nice.

 

[frenchy]

Originally Posted by Listi

Not everyone looks in the toilet after taking a dump. I'm not going to say I never have done such a thing, but I really wouldn't consider it a regular occurrence. And I wipe as many times as needed. I'd imagine it ranges from 2-8 depending on what's needed. I sometimes take a shower after using the toilet, I really do not understand why in the US and Canada that bidets are not standard... it'd be so nice.
i dont get Bidets...so you spray water up there for what? now you got wet **** residue flying around like shrapnel in Normandy do a dry wipe...look at it and flush i say

 

[Khayembii Communique]

Do you fold or scrunch the paper? Ever wonder how blind people know when to stop wiping?

Smell?