First Date Jitters

[doink]

Bssed on what I've read here and experienced lately, I was at a work related social functiona few weeks back(when I was still working) and gave a woman my business card, A few days later she emailed me asking if I would be interested in meeting socially. It has taken awhile to coordinate due to mismatched schedules of work and school, but is going to happen tonight.

We've only spoken once for about 15 minutes, but have emailed eachother daily, seems good, but I am pretty nervous as I don't date much.

From our emails, she likes to wander the city and try new food. So my thought is to go for a walk in my neighbourhood and take pictures (she's never been to it and is interested in seeing the gentrification that is occurring) and then go for dinner at one of the new restaurants ("gourmet comfort food" type place).

As for what to wear, my plan is 1947 sugarcanes (recently washed, have faded nicely), blue button down shirt, alden indy's, with a fred perry track jacket in my camera bag if cools down. My only concern is that I may be underdressed as she is coming straight from work, but she is an engineer and works in a very casual environment. And considering our plan is based on going for a walk, I think casual will be better.

Any suggestions on how to reduce the butterflies in my stomach or other things that might be interesting to do along this vein?

 

[Earthmover]

Only thing I can think of that may be helpful for most people would be to take a shot or two of something to calm yourself down (obviously should not be anywere close to being drunk). Other than that, it'll be highly dependent on your personality and what the girl is like -- ideally she'd act in a way that would put you at ease very quickly (and these of course turn out to be the best dates), but barring that, I always tell myself that if I start acting nervous, it's no fun for either person and will make the date go bad. Try to approach the situation as if they were just a normal person out to have fun, and focus on how that can be achieved.

 

[flylot74]

So why are you nervous? Could it be that you are truly attracted to her and that you don't want to blow the date? If so, be honest. Tell her. I'll bet she will be flattered and would warm up to you and put you at ease.......

 

[alan]

Originally Posted by flylot74

So why are you nervous? Could it be that you are truly attracted to her and that you don't want to blow the date? If so, be honest. Tell her. I'll bet she will be flattered and would warm up to you and put you at ease.......


definitely dont tell her your that attracted to her on your first date after only speaking for 15 mins.....

Its normal to feel nervous on a first date. Its one of the best parts about it.

I say dont overthink it. and dont overplan every little detail.

From the nature of your date i can see things are flowing easy and casually between you two, so just keep it that way and deal with it as it goes.

Usually once you get going the nervousness just goes away.

 

[imageWIS]

Originally Posted by alan

definitely dont tell her your that attracted to her on your first date after only speaking for 15 mins.....


+ a million.

Jon.

 

[Bouji]

Originally Posted by doink

Bssed on what I've read here and experienced lately, I was at a work related social functiona few weeks back(when I was still working) and gave a woman my business card, A few days later she emailed me asking if I would be interested in meeting socially. It has taken awhile to coordinate due to mismatched schedules of work and school, but is going to happen tonight.

We've only spoken once for about 15 minutes, but have emailed eachother daily, seems good, but I am pretty nervous as I don't date much.

From our emails, she likes to wander the city and try new food. So my thought is to go for a walk in my neighbourhood and take pictures (she's never been to it and is interested in seeing the gentrification that is occurring) and then go for dinner at one of the new restaurants ("gourmet comfort food" type place).

As for what to wear, my plan is 1947 sugarcanes (recently washed, have faded nicely), blue button down shirt, alden indy's, with a fred perry track jacket in my camera bag if cools down. My only concern is that I may be underdressed as she is coming straight from work, but she is an engineer and works in a very casual environment. And considering our plan is based on going for a walk, I think casual will be better.

Any suggestions on how to reduce the butterflies in my stomach or other things that might be interesting to do along this vein?

I wouldn't worry too much about what you wear. That said, in London people do not normally wear clothing that casual for a date.
Of course it depends on how old you are, and what most people where you live wear. Perhaps do try to dress up a bit more, but don't think about it too much.

 

[flylot74]

What was I thinking? Sure go ahead, take a snort or two, go on the date, don't be honest with her either. What a great way to start a relationship!

I guess I'm way too old for this forum........ but, so what if you tell her you are attracted to her? Christ, do you think she's dating you because she's NOT attracted to you? So, don't be willing to convey what is perfectly obvious? What's that all about?

........... no, I think I'm right. I am too old for this forum............... don't mind me, I'm just a doddering old fool.

 

[Edward Appleby]

Originally Posted by Bouji

in London people do not normally wear clothing that casual for a date.

Casual clothing on dates is for the beer swilling proles, is it?

Anyway doink she sounds cool and easy going. I mean a girl who wants to walk around taking pictures of a neighborhood and wander into a restaurant can't be all that difficult. So just chill and be yourself.

Also your outfit sounds perfect.

 

[TheHoff]

Originally Posted by flylot74

........... no, I think I'm right. I am too old for this forum............... don't mind me, I'm just a doddering old fool.
Stick to posting about style or marriage -- that was a fantastic post. Telling a woman exactly how you feel after meeting her for 15 minutes is a bad idea though. It stinks of desperation. 1. Be desireless 2. Be excellent 3. Be gone

 

[alan]

Originally Posted by flylot74

What was I thinking? Sure go ahead, take a snort or two, go on the date, don't be honest with her either. What a great way to start a relationship!

I guess I'm way too old for this forum........ but, so what if you tell her you are attracted to her? Christ, do you think she's dating you because she's NOT attracted to you? So, don't be willing to convey what is perfectly obvious? What's that all about?

........... no, I think I'm right. I am too old for this forum............... don't mind me, I'm just a doddering old fool.

fly, were just exchanging ideas here

I just think that first you assumed that he was nervous because he was so attracted to her that it made him so. I dont think that necessarily has to do with the specific girl as much as the situation.

Second even if it does, saying "im so attracted to you that its making me nervous" serves no purpose, really. She wont "put you at ease". Shes not there to comfort any insecurities we all have.

Sure, she likes him, he likes her, he can compliment her during the evening and tell her shes attractive, etc...

But just blurping it out to seek comforting or validation is weak and needy.

Hes already doing well with her, as shes the one who invited him as i understood, im sure hell manage during the date and the nervousness will go away.

 

[doink]

Thanks for the advice so far.

One of the reasons for the casualness of the date is our age difference (me mid/late 30's, her early/mid 20's - she still lives at home), also the neighbourhood we are going to walk through is very casual, if I wore much more, I'd be over dressed(I get odd looks when I wear AE's, wool dress pants, shirt and a jacket, suits are even worse), plus I feel comfortable in what I propose to wear.

I assume there is some physical attraction, she is cute to me (from what I remember), and I assume from the looks she gave me at the BBQ and the fact she contacted me, that she finds me easy enough to look at. This is another reason I am going casual, when we met we were wearing shorts and tshirts/bike riding gear, so things are already set as being casual between us.

Now if we have a second or third date, I will go for something more formal.

 

[Edward Appleby]

Originally Posted by alan

Sure, she likes him, he likes her, he can compliment her during the evening and tell her shes attractive, etc...

But just blurping it out to seek comforting or validation is weak and needy.

Yeah. While this could end up like a romantic comedy and they kiss in the street and go back home for an all night **** session, it's much more likely to end in her being torn between thinking he's "so sweet" and seeing him as needy/a *****/generally Obertsian, and therefore not attractive.

 

[TheHoff]

You sound like you have it under control but fake confidence if you have to. If she is a good deal younger than you, she'll expect a confident, older man who knows what he is doing.

If you want more ideas on what to actually do, you should post your location and possible mutual interests.

 

[itsstillmatt]

Originally Posted by flylot74

What was I thinking? Sure go ahead, take a snort or two, go on the date, don't be honest with her either. What a great way to start a relationship!

I guess I'm way too old for this forum........ but, so what if you tell her you are attracted to her? Christ, do you think she's dating you because she's NOT attracted to you? So, don't be willing to convey what is perfectly obvious? What's that all about?

........... no, I think I'm right. I am too old for this forum............... don't mind me, I'm just a doddering old fool.
I am with you here. If you read the questions about dating, sex and relationships asked by some of our members you would piss your pants laughing. I think it is fine to tell a woman that you are attracted to her. I might wait past 15 minutes, but why not on the first date. I would like it if a woman said it to me, and men and women are not that different. The taking a shot or two idea is a terrible one.

 

[alan]

Originally Posted by doink

Thanks for the advice so far.

One of the reasons for the casualness of the date is our age difference (me mid/late 30's, her early/mid 20's - she still lives at home), also the neighbourhood we are going to walk through is very casual, if I wore much more, I'd be over dressed(I get odd looks when I wear AE's, wool dress pants, shirt and a jacket, suits are even worse), plus I feel comfortable in what I propose to wear.

I assume there is some physical attraction, she is cute to me (from what I remember), and I assume from the looks she gave me at the BBQ and the fact she contacted me, that she finds me easy enough to look at. This is another reason I am going casual, when we met we were wearing shorts and tshirts/bike riding gear, so things are already set as being casual between us.

Now if we have a second or third date, I will go for something more formal.


doink, im curious about how you got the idea for your first date and where its coming from. Seems a pretty cool and original idea if shes into that.