Fans of Vanity's Work

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by ChicagoJohn, Jan 12, 2009.

  1. ChicagoJohn

    ChicagoJohn Senior member

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    A piece written about an early summer experience. Bouncing between various sexual fetishes, he settles on thick girls and newly single, he endeavor to find one. The story begins...

    (copied and pasted from another board)

    Okay - since no one knows this girl except Drift (dont exploit her), here's the story.

    I'm single over the summer and my current fetish becomes thick girls. Girls maybe in the 140-150lb range. Kind of chunky but with great tits, a fat ass, and thick thighs. That's what I'm looking for. So I send a text to 4-5 of my buddies and Drift is the only one who can help me out. He gives me a number and I start cold-calling this bitch via text message. She's laughing, we're going back and forth, I get a face shot, she looks pretty cute. She likes my pics too.

    Over the next few weeks, we're always texting or she's drunk dialing me, but I'm keeping her on the hook because I know the more time she invests, the more likely she'll fuck me without even liking me. (Thats how girls are). I ride this out and I'm in no real rush. Well after like 3-4 weeks we seem to know each other pretty well and I'm rolling my ass off in the city. She just got back to her condo from the bars, is hammered, and is calling me to hangout. This is a no brainer now, it's time to rock this bitch.

    Well, she's also half-retarded. I'm certain of it. Because when I pulled up to her complex she was pacing back and forth in front of the lobby, then would stop, smile awkwardly, then pace more. So I stood there for a few moments, sucking on a cigarette, and asking myself if she could look any fatter in that ridiculous baby doll dress. I curse Drift under my breath and take a step forward towards this disgusting, gelatinous blob.

    The lights of the lobby shimmer off her pancake makeup and even with my eyes nearly in the back of my head, I wince and stare at the buttons in the elevator. She's giggling, making noises I've never really heard before, and playing with my collar. I laugh at the situation (which she's apparently unaware of) and we head into her place.

    She gives me a beer and we sit on the couch. Then she hands me no less than 5 remotes and tells me to put a movie on. I spill my beer all over the couch attempting to figure this shitshow out, meanwhile she's still giggling and making strange noises, then lying all over slutting it up. A few minutes into the movie I go for it, knowing the sooner we start the sooner it's over. We're making out for a while and we're in that face to face position, right? Both on our sides, facing each other. I pull her top thigh up over mine and slide my hand up her thigh towards her crotch.

    Dude, I have like, the longest alien fingers anyone's ever seen and I swear to fucking God, after the miles of buttcheek I had to work through, I could barely work a single knuckle into that sweatpit. I'm blasted on E which I'm convinced is the reason I didn't vomit on spot. It was so awkward and strange, a foreign fatty experience I'd like never to repeat. This went on for like 10 minutes before I excused myself to the restroom.

    I splashed some water on my face, quickly realized that blunder, then feverishly washed my hands and face with a bar of antibacterial DIal I found in the shower. Conveniently, the toilet was clogged with what looked like 7 rolls of Charmin, so I made sure to leave the longest piss possible on top that mess. I excused myself, ran to my car, then texted Drift to never speak to me again.
     


  2. HomerJ

    HomerJ Senior member

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  3. MetroStyles

    MetroStyles Senior member

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    So I stood there for a few moments, sucking on a cigarette, and asking myself if she could look any fatter in that ridiculous baby doll dress.

    Bwahahahaha! Vanity is a genious. [​IMG]
     


  4. Connemara

    Connemara [URL='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jST2Sv63WQ']

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    lol.
     


  5. MetroStyles

    MetroStyles Senior member

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    What forum? Where can we find more of these nuggets?
     


  6. SField

    SField Senior member

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    Beautiful. He can join the party with me and Kunk. I have new e-friend.
     


  7. ChicagoJohn

    ChicagoJohn Senior member

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    I'm actually trying to re-gather all the stories from forums, fix them up, and put them into a collection.

    here's another
    ------------
    The birthday girl.

    Back around 2003 I had spent the day shopping at Bloomies with my buddy Nick and drinking all day. We bought a lot of new gear and had a solid buzz going on, so we decided to hit up Crobar that night. We continued drinking until about midnight and headed out.

    Arriving at 'Cro about 1230pm, we're completely hammered. I instruct Nick to get us a table setup while I go on the hunt for some drugs. About 20 minutes later I come back to the table and he's nearly passed out with a giant bottle of Absolute nestled between his legs. I wake him up and send him to the bathroom to blow soem of our yack and wake the fuck up. We're just getting started and he's already falling asleep on me...

    Maybe an hour or two goes by, we're pretty geeked from the blow and the drinks are moving smoothly. Our waitress keeps flirting with me and I'm deciding how I can convince her to come home with me when BOOM, out of nowhere it's the Random-Stranger-Ass-Grab. I've played this game before and I know exactly what it means. Some pig wants the cock!

    So I do my typical cutesy "who did that?" maneuver to spot a group of 28-32 year olds at a table next to ours, giggling and waving at me. I play it cool and smile back, then ignore them. As I conversate with other people in typical coke-head fashion, the ass grabbing continues...over and over....

    Finally one of the broads approaches me and says it's her friend's 30th birthday and she'd really like to meet me. I told her to give me a minute, I'll be right back to meet them all. So I bolt downstairs, do a couple monster key bumps in the bathroom, and cruise back to their table.... high as a kite, cigarette hanging out of my mouth, looking like fucking James Dean. These bitches are just eating it up. With my final step toward their table I do the 'blow-smoke-out-of-my-nose-and-smile' move while ashing out right in the middle of them. I know I look cool doing this and I just executed it flawelessly. I beeline for the birthday girl and drown her in attention.

    Time goes on, they're all getting sloppy, and out of NOWHERE, some older dude comes up and says it's time for us to go. Oh, wonderful! It's her fucking BROTHER. We're all going back to the apartment she shares with him. GREEEAAATTT>...

    I'm watching this guy stumble down the street to his car and know I'm in danger. So I convince my new 'date' that we should take a cab. She lives up in the 5400 block area which is a HIKE if you're familiar with the city, but that's cool with me b/c I know I'm safe. I'm not riding witht that dude.

    And now things get interesting.....

    She tells our cabby where to go and immediately jumps on top of me. We start going at it and even better for me, she's wearing a skirt. After a couple minutes of this tom foolery the cocaine freak in me hits and I throw her against the door on her hands and knees and pull her skirt up while simultaenously tearing her panties off. She's making all sorts of hot girly noises as I figner blast her from behind. The cabbie is watching me in his rear-view as I undo my pants, slap on a condom, and go for the coupe-de-gras...anal with a stranger in a taxi cab. She's tearing at teh seat, I'm destroying her hindquaters, and this filthy Pakistani fuck is watching it all go down.

    I'm mostly on a HUGE rush from what's goin down so I never come, we get back to her place and I pay the cabbie. As I'm closing the door I note her cell phone still inside on the floorboard. I pretend I see nothing and we head inside...I'll thank myself later for this. I know it.

    Her brother isn't back yet and we head to her room and bang some more until I start to feel sick from the booze and my heart feels like it's about to explode from the yack. I try to pass out but this creep won't let me. Over and over throughout the night she's waking me up to nail her more. At least 5 times between 5am and 10am. At one point while she's sleeping I consider attempting an escape from her apartment. But where am I? Who would I call? I am WAYYY up North and I don't have another $50 on me to get home. FUCK!!!

    I accept my fate and around 11am I roll out of bed and head toward her kitchen, naked as a jay bird. I find some birthday cake that I begin consuming with my left hand while my right hand unscrews a bottle of tequila on the table. So I'm sluggin this tequilla and cake and attempting to light a cigarette all at once...shit is falling and making a mess everywhere. She must've heard me because she comes out yelling at me not to walk around naked and not to smoke in her house. I convince her, obviously, that I'm pretty fucked up and need to go home. So she drives me about 35 minutes back downtown where I depart her with a smile, a kiss, and a fake phone number to call me at. The doorman to my building just laughs as he swings open the door and welcomes me home. As she drives off I point to her car and smile, eyes still half-cocked; "I hit her shitter in a cab, bro"

    A typical Saturday in Vanity's life in the city.
     


  8. ChicagoJohn

    ChicagoJohn Senior member

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    Another
    -----------------
    The 37 Year Old

    Well, it all started with me showing up to Nothing's for a night at Soundbar. Moschino was ther and it was my first time meeting him. We had a couple cocktails and headed to the bar.

    Sander K was on decks that night and was beating it something fierce. I was pounding RedBull/Vodkas and eventually Moschino waves me up into the VIP. No idea who he knew up there but it was full of babes, all sitting around being flirty and drinking. So I go up there and someone hands me a pill. I sit down on a couch between two women, pour myself a drink from their bottle, and eat my pill while chit-chatting at both of them.

    One of them offered me a bump which I did discreetly and then we started making out. The other girl sort of started rubbing my back and whispering that she thought I was cute. A little petting and flirting continues with both women and eventually my pill is starting to kick in.

    It hit something fierce and I don't really remember exactly what happened at Soundbar, but I had choosen the dark haired woman over the blonde. We went back to my place and partied some more together, had a sex a few times, then passed out. When we woke up, her blonde friend wouldn't return her calls so she was sort of "stuck" at my place with me.

    While she showered I ran downstairs and grabbed stuff to make mimosa's and also called my dealer. He arrived later that afternoon with some more blow and pot for us. We spent pretty much the next 48 hours being stoned, blasting coke, getting drunk, and having a ton of sex. She eventually took off around 6pm on Sunday...and had been at my place since Friday night.

    We wound up being pretty good friends after that and hungout every few weekends or so to party and bang. She made a ton of money and had a killer condo on the North side. She called me her cabana boy, squirted when she came, and loved just hanging out wtih me.

    Summer of 2004.
     


  9. ChicagoJohn

    ChicagoJohn Senior member

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    sfgshshsh


    [quote author=Bill ]
    I'm tending bar and vanity stumbles in, huge sunglasses and his man bag in the middle of the afternoon. He orders two Red Bull and vodkas right after a Cub's game, it's packed as all hell, and he hands me a bag of chips and a pack of cookies for payment. I was completely dumbfounded, I just walked away laughing.
    [/quote]

    [quote author=vanity]
    I was unemployed at the time so a pack of cookies and a big of chips were as good as cash.
    [/quote]
     


  10. SField

    SField Senior member

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    This sounds like my late teens/early twenties.

    Trust me, you get tired of being tweaked.
     


  11. ChicagoJohn

    ChicagoJohn Senior member

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    The early 20s were spent in a very Less Than Zero style.
     


  12. Connemara

    Connemara [URL='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jST2Sv63WQ']

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    I don't know if I believe these stories but they are hilarious, so why not.
     


  13. SField

    SField Senior member

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    I don't know if I believe these stories but they are hilarious, so why not.

    Why? Too hard core for your blue collar stepford life?

    I think what he's doing is pretty common among urbane men with social lives. It isn't pretty and I'm not saying it's good, but if you live in LA/NYC or I suppose Chicago, this kind of lifestyle is very much de rigeur.
     


  14. Connemara

    Connemara [URL='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jST2Sv63WQ']

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    Whatever, I bang girls in cabs all the time.
     


  15. SField

    SField Senior member

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    Whatever, I bang girls in cabs all the time.

    Can't say I've ever done that, but I know a couple people who did. One guy fucked a girl int he back of a cab driven by a muslim and was locked up about an hour later. The other did it in LA and the dude actually pulled over and watched.
     


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